April 13th, 2010

5 Reasons Why German Men Are Better Than Nutella

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Nutella is the stuff study abroad dreams are made of – as long as you can stave off the inevitable stone and a half in weight gain. And even though we sought homesickness solace from our 3 kilo novelty jar, not being able to speak the language taught us that there is only one thing better than the chocolately treat.

German men. Or, more specifically, German footballers.

As far as we can tell, Germans don’t contain hazelnuts. But they do give good hugs and can teach any foreign exchange student the native tongue (hee). Don’t believe us? Hear us out…and read on for our reasons why Germans > Nutella.

Germans are better than Nutella because….

1. Benni Höwedes can be spread on anything, not just bread. Examples include: on a beach ball, towel and the pitch.

2. Manuel Neuer, also known as the cuddle king, gives good hugs and his handshakes are warmer than a room temperature tub of the gooey good stuff.


3. Clemens Fritz is available in more than 1 variety, as well: black & white, colour and with a sunset backdrop.

4. Mats Hummels satisfies our sweet tooth without sabotaging our waistlines.

Borussia Dortmund football


5. Christoph Metzelder. Enough said.


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20 Responses to “5 Reasons Why German Men Are Better Than Nutella”

  1. Amunt Valencia! says:

    id rather have nutella.. that is the Greek thing.

    and its not nutella with German men..

    its nutella with Greek men!

    (i dont have anything against Germans..i actualy love Ballack)

    but i speak truth..nutella and Greek men

  2. ^^K^^ says:

    Number 5 is all the proof I need.

  3. Maggio says:

    booooo… no ballack? that list isnt complete without him Torsten, Lukas Podolski, Arne and Mario… prbllly Schweine is good too…

  4. Julia says:

    Mats Hummels ist just gorgeous. I mean that. JUST WATCH HIM DAMN IT.

  5. Lynx says:

    Love my German boys :D

  6. Sonja says:

    I miss Benjamin Lauth in your list.
    He was one of the first footballers to take part in the Nutella ads and he is VERY hot!

  7. truly_thata says:

    @Kickette, it’s Christoph…NOT Crishtope :P

  8. livv4footy says:

    omg!! soon as i read benni was included, i was sooo there.
    SUCH A CUTIE.
    but i don’t really like nutella. any kickettes for Marshmellow Fluff…or is that too sticky? ;)

  9. Decri says:

    It's Christoph, there's no "e" in the final. :P

  10. Olivia says:

    I love this! More posts on those gorgeous Germans please Kickette ;D

  11. Venice says:

    Lol check out Metze!

    So glad to see a post on German ballers, there are some hidden treasures there :-D

  12. livergirl88 says:

    haha i read Christophe Metzelder and i had to sigh before i read on…

  13. FootballerChick43 - says:

    Metze. Sigh.

    No Ballack? Oh wait – am one of the last remaining Ballack fans. I will go hide now :P

  14. Nice one Kickette. I've been to Germany as an exchange student and I second this!! Saw Luca Toni(when he was still at Bayern), Podolski, Bastian and the bayern and dortmund crew. it was HEAVENYLY!! German men= YES! German footballers= DOUBLE YES!! :-p

  15. Joan says:

    Kickette, you're going about this all wrong. It's not Nutella OR German men, it's nutella WITH German men (or the even more delicious option: nutella ON german men. ;) )

  16. Anna says:

    Hmmmmm amazing post! Nutella rocks! And the lovely Nutella boys *_*.

    About Manuelito, I don't even have words *_*. Cuddle king, totally suits him hahahaha. Benni is just adorable. All baby Schalkers are ;D.

    And well, Hummels is a baby Metze, the potential to grow is there lol.

    So nice to see Alex Frei over there with Mats, and Kehl&Kuba in the linked picture.

    Ay, that post really improved my nasty week filled with exams. Thank you!