November 30th, 2010

A Stiletto Too Far: The Kickette Army WAG Rankings


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Alex Gerrard, Noemie Lenoir and Victoria Beckham line up for your votes. This is your chance, Kickettes! (Getty Images/Daylife)

How does a site like Kickette cover the recently released shortlist of players nominated for the FIFPro World XI?

Well, we compile a list of the eleven hottest players from that list, ask our beloved readers to critique/slam/dribble on that list, and give our comments moderator a nervous breakdown into the bargain.

But wait.

How boring is that? (Okay, that’s a complete lie, it’s far from boring.) However, it might be fun for you, boys n’girls, but we’ve barely got over the bloodbath that was the Finest Five list.

Coupled with the festive merriment that inevitably comes with the holiday season looming, we won’t be in a position to issue our opinion on anything in list form until at least 2011. (Image via totalbarca.com)

So, we’re going to let you do the work. And as has become customary in these matters, we’re not going to make it easy for you. In honour of the FIFPro XI shortlist picks, we would like you guys to take part in our exclusive and very exciting poll.

Please scroll down and cast your vote for the top, elite eleven … WAGs.

Why would we do such a heinous thing?

Because you are the Kickette Army.  Your speciality is players, the WAGs speciality is players. Therefore, it is only appropriate that you vote on your peers.

Please examine our handily supplied shortlist of potential WAGs of the year. Who did you admire? Who dealt best with the crap thrown at them by the tabloids, this website and of course, their men? Who consistently looked great, regardless of whether they were attending a match, an awards ceremony or the supermarket?

And remember, no snarking or bitching. This is a positive exercise. We can do that tomorrow.

Cast your vote for your Top XI Wags below! Voting closes on Monday.

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53 Responses to “A Stiletto Too Far: The Kickette Army WAG Rankings”

  1. N says:

    Not to mention, Patricia is the only WAG I know of who was a footballer herself!

  2. @AgnesWonka says:

    I can't f****** believe Carla is on the poll!
    she doesn't exist!

  3. @AgnesWonka says:

    I'll go for the queen Victoria!

  4. Grrrr….*angry face* Cescy's girlfriend… GRRR *even angrier face* Sara. -_-
    But on the other hand.!
    Yay Nagore and Yay Noemie and Yay Yulia and Yay Ana and Yay Olllalalalalallalalalallala
    (^_^)

  5. mrs.navas says:

    for me. in no particular order:
    1. Caroline Celico-she just has class and grace.
    2. Mamen Sanz- she has five children. FIVE children and looks like she has none at all. plus she has grace to die for
    3. Sylvie van der Vaart- she is beautiful and she is strong.
    4. Antonella Roccuzzo- i LOVE her hair. and she is hot (no homo) i still ask myself how messi could get her.
    5. Ana Vidic-i mean she is blessed!! two kids. and she is still hot!!!! and look at her man! don't hate.
    6.Nagore Alonso- she is beautiful
    7.Olalla Dominguez- pretty girl. she's as normal as get.
    8. Pastasauce- i'm not that fond of her but she is somewhat independent.
    9. Victoria Beckham-she is the queen of all wags. to me she is like the first wag in history

  6. snicklefritzer says:

    CHERYL COLE! She may have divorced her man but she put up with a lot (cheating footballer, Malaria, Nadine Coyle, Louis Walsh), is England’s sweetheart and will make America fall in love with her when the X Factor comes this side of the Pond.

  7. JCJ says:

    I really like Sylwia Klose and Lisa Muller. They seem like really nice people. And Sarah Brandner always looks great!

  8. Mel-B-VIP says:

    Ok does Olalla do anything BESIDES bang Fernando Torres? Which I will admit is an accomplish all on its own, for me it's simply not enough. In my immensely credible opinion *laugh* she should have launched her own fashion line by now, had at least one sex tape scandal, broken a limb, or a bar fight *Paging Danielle Lloyd*, two drunken nights out, one hooker mix up, four exercise videos, and a possible shop lifting charge. In case you're wondering the notorious V.B. can do all of that in an hour.

    Sidenote: I wonder if anyone the dolls who write this blog write about ever read this. If so I really hope they don't think we're all pathetic stalkers, because we're so much more than that. :)

    And Irina Shayk is one abominable twat. I'm convinced she is a lesbian.

  9. Jen says:

    Olalla and Sylvie are the top….

  10. @iicecream4 says:

    OMG this is too hard~ I'd have to say: Sara Carbonero,Caroline Cilico,Alla Drogba,Olalla Dominguez,and Noemie Lenoir : )

  11. SoFun471 says:

    1.Antonelle, I really flove this girl, she seems so cool, plus shes got a banging bod

    • Jilly says:

      agree, she's totally livin the life i want to live. so jealous. but love her in spite of. hehe

  12. N says:

    Kickette, are you moderating comments on this entry? Incidentally, you never did tell us just who turned out to be the most-voted-for one and only Baller Boy….or did all of you get exhausted reading the comments?

    My votes are in, I like Sylvie, Olalla, Sara, Carol and Ilary, among others. Lisa Muller (can't do the umlaut on this keyboard) is also adorable.

    Honourable mentions who weren't options on the poll:
    Patricia Gonzalez (David Villa) for being a former footballer herself as well as a WAG- that's got to be unique.
    Gertrude Kuyt (Dirk Kuyt)- she kept her old job after marrying Dirk, and works as a nurse. A WAG who is in an unglamorous profession? I'll take a wager and say she's no typical WAG, good on her.

  13. Whitney says:

    Sylvie van der Vaart actually seems approachable, so I choose her for top WAG.

  14. gi0ia says:

    Lisa Mueller, because she is so anti-WAG and so not full of herself, like some others.

  15. Lily Baby says:

    Irina Shayk
    Always and Forever
    I hope they'll get married next year
    I mean she is SO HOT! And funny and beautiful and a true super model
    <3 Go Irina!

  16. lol says:

    sara pastasauce, shes soo pretty and she suits iker…

  17. ConnPossible says:

    No Linda Pizzuti?!!

  18. Kaya says:

    Sara Carbonero for a lot of reasons, boob job rumors aside. Gorgeous, independent, has a career, gorgeous hair, gorgeous eyes, and best of all, whether you are all jealous or not, she does make Iker happy. We have TONS of proof of this.

    Sylvie Van der Vaart because what's not to love about her, honestly. She's perfection personified.

    Carol because she's an angel, Nagore too.

    Basically I voted others that appeal to me and I need 11 to complete the list, but these 4 are my top WAGs.

    • N says:

      Agreed, I voted for these four too. Sylvie is just awesome, and she seems really sweet – funny to think of a WAG I could imagine having a conversation with. I'm down with Nagore and Carol too, as an embittered cynic I find childhood sweethearts who choose to stay virgins till their wedding night very, very sweet.

      I'll add Olalla to the list, she seems so down-to-earth, like a girl next door type (no interviews, no red carpets, no product shilling, no falling out of places drunk, goes out and about with no makeup and flat shoes- so not typical for a WAG!).

      Also I don't know why you got red-arrowed for the comment, Sara isn't even skanky as some EPL WAGs who get a lot less flak than her. She has her own fabulous hair and tan that don't need any help from a bottle, not so much as a glimmer of a hair extension, and I love that I can recognise chunks of her wardrobe as being from Mango, Zara and Topshop despite the fact that she's probably v. highly paid.

  19. AKA says:

    Maybe I missed it (it's early here) but – no Abigail Clancy on the official voting list, Kickettes?

    • Strange, she was on our original poll list but disappeared – we've re-added her and will make sure to include the many votes she received in the "other" category when we round up next week. Thanks!

  20. Dru says:

    I'll shoot for Sylvie getting to be top WAG, with Olalla, Sara (boob job rumours- and they are only yet rumours- aside, I like her independence and normal, non-WAGish style), Helen (Figo lucked out there) and Ilary (Hot Totti also lucked out) rounding out the top 5.

    Honourable mentions to Sylvie, Nagore, Caroline, Sarah (Schweini's girl), Carla and Carlota (Alvaro Arbeloa's wife- v. low-key but gorgeous and apparently good enough at dressing her husband for Xabi to mention it!)

  21. Lily says:

    My roll call of WAG honour, in mostly the order they appeared on Kickette's list:

    1. Noemie Lenoir. I actually did not know she was a WAG- I was a fan of her as a model. Gorgeous, classy and I hope she feels better now.

    2. Victoria Beckham (she is Queen WAG after all, I don't love her, but respect, man- mainly for taking her fashion seriously. Also, she seems funny and nice sometimes)

    3. Olalla Dominguez : so, so different from VB but one of my favourite WAGS. Doesn't do interviews or product shill (leave that to Fern), doesn't sell pictures of her child, kept on with her studies even after moving with boyf to Liverpool, and seems so girl-next-door, one can't help but like her.

    4. Mamen Sanz . Model figure and classy dress sense, FIVE gorgeous children + hot husband, AND successfully completed a college degree after having five kids? V. possibly superwoman.

    5. Sylvie van der Vaart: Ah, Sylvie. Another possible superwoman. Has spunk in spades, seems really nice, is a good dancer, looks great with long or short hair (so glad she recovered from her illness). Rafa is, like he said, lucky to have her.

    6. Sara Carbonero. I like it when WAGs have careers, and this one still has the same job she had before WAGdom (albeit with a lot more publicity). I like that she seems independent and dresses like a stylish normal girl in stuff from Topshop and Zara and honestly, not even that bothered about the rumoured boob job.

    7. Nagore Aranburu. Classy, gorgeous and has a sharp eye for fashion- sharp enough to make even her gorgeous husband agree to have her be his stylist. (would be on my list even without her ovary-busting bubbas). She just wins at life, like another commenter said.

    8. Ilary Blasi: love her sass and attitude (saying 'fuck you' to haters while reminding them that it's her that her husband, Hot Totti, returns to every night? Being openly blunt about wanting to wait before you have more kids because your current two wear you out? Dominating the magazine covers you appear on?). YES, please.

    9. Antonella Roccuzzo. The (amazing) hair, the college-student clothes, the down-to-earth demeanour. LOVE.

    10. Lisa Müller. Ride-or-die WAG who is open about the fact that she knows Thomas is a big deal? Someone that down-to-earth and generally lovely at such a young age deserves to be on the list, just because.

    Honourable mentions:
    Carla Dona Garcia( Cesc) smart girls with degrees in psychology- yes, please! Also, a ride-or-die-WAG
    Patricia Gonzalez (David Villa)- ride-or-die WAG who was a footballer herself till the age of 17, wow
    Carlota Ruiz (Alvaro Arbeloa) – so gorgeous, so classy and actually made her husband clean up his act, fashion-wise.

    Spanish WAGs seem exceptionally awesome, its funny they dominate my list and honourable mentions too,

    • Jilly says:

      agree with your list 99.5% – only because im still 50-50 on pastasauce. LUV antonella, such a good match to messi, both seemingly super down to earth and super super chill!

  22. Red_Girl says:

    Could only vote for Olalla and Nagore out of that lot. Only ones who seem to have a brain, class, style and no real interest in self-promotion.

  23. piquetorresxabi says:

    Nagore. So classy and beautiful <3

  24. livealittle says:

    olalla, carla, sylvie, noemie, and colleen. i think they all keep it classy. i also love vicky becks, but i couldn't bring myself to vote for her for some odd reason…

  25. sage says:

    1. Posh. Seriously, she is the queen
    2. Ana Vidic. Hottest woman ever.
    3. Abbey Clancy. Gorgeous and I am super jealous of her preggers body
    4. Sylvie van der Vaart. So gorgeous and such a strong woman
    5. Sara Carbonero. Love her or hate her – can't deny she's gorgeous and she seems really independent.

  26. ashmenon says:

    Lady Posh, natch. It's impressive when, despite being a WAG, you establish a completely independent career for yourself that has nothing to do with balls. Well, not much anyway. PLUS, despite being all of 3cm wide, she designs beautifully for large people (Jennifer Hudson, Oprah, etc). You HAVE to give her credit for that.

    EDIT: Forgot: Olalla, for getting to bounce off Torres. Let's admit it, second to bouncing off The Ramos, there is no better bounce to have.

    And also, Pastasauce. For several reasons, but most importantly for having guts and an independent opinion. I may not agree with you, mi amo, but I DO find it sexy.

  27. YouNeverWalkAlone says:

    Carol Celico for her classiness, natural beauty and beautiful son!!
    Olalla Dominiquez, Nagore, Antonella, and Carla for the same reasons

    Sara…just because…I like her. Today is her birthday, btw!! Happy birthday!!
    Then Victoria Beckham, who is practically responsible for the whole WAG thing.
    And Mamen Sanz, who looks HAD FIVE KIDS for God's sake and still looks killer! (Plus her hubby is my fav player in the world…)

    • N says:

      Hehe, it's not fashionable to be a Pasta-fan around these parts, but I agree with every one of your choices. And Mamen….has five kids+a degree that she got AFTER having five kids +the killer looks she had before having the 5 kids. (must take my hat off to her)

  28. C16 says:

    Nagore & Ana for the win!!!!!

  29. aps says:

    Sylvie is hands down the best. I love that woman.

  30. Vera says:

    1.VB, we may not love her but she IS the queen WAG, the orginial.
    2.Sylvie van der Vaart, what's not to love?
    3.Olalla Dominguez, the only 'normal' relatively down to earth WAG.
    4.Mamen Sanz, girl had 5 kids and looks HOT. Plus she exudes class.
    5.Sara Carbonero, the one we love to hate. Boob job rumors aside, she's an independent woman y'all, and who can forget that WC kiss that shot her to the highest level of WAGness?
    Honorable mention:
    Abbey Clancy, hottie with a preggers body, need I say more? I'd refer to her as a WAG Princess.

  31. asiyah says:

    olalla and alex all the way

  32. rubyqueen says:

    here's my top 5… 1) abbie clancy.2) alex gerrard.3) irina shayk.4) victoria beckham.5) sara carbenero

  33. Rezia says:

    I like the WAGs that have some kind of talent/profession besides looking nice. See that might include Pastasauce, but she is tacky (boob job story? ewwww). Plus I'm most jealous of her so I refuse to vote for her on anything (on principle). My favourite is Carla Something Garcia (Cesc) because she kinda indicates that sexy Cesc goes for beauty and brains…swoooooooon.

  34. Ana Vidic. She's so hot that straight women who want to do her. She is always flawlessly dressed. She's never in the tabloids for the wrong reason. She births gorgeous bubbas without a single stretch mark. And she gets to bang Nemanja every night. COME ON.

    • Mel-B-VIP says:

      I have a theory. You're secretly Ana Vidic sitting behind that computer screen. Because only she thinks that she is "Flawlessly Dressed".

  35. RealLisa says:

    1. Sylvie van der Vaart
    2. Nagore Aranburu
    3. Mamen Sanz
    4. Caroline Celico
    5. Olalla Domingez

    This is my top 5! Sylvie is definitely n.1

  36. gooner04 says:

    I don’t know about WAG XI, but I definitely cast my vote for Carla as number one.
    I love that she and Cesc are somewhat under the limelight. She has to be one helluva woman to tie down Cesc for 6 years :p

    Honorable mentions: Ollala Torres, Carol Celico, Lisa Mueller

  37. Shireen says:

    Abbey Clancey?

  38. Alex Samuel says:

    I like Sarah Brandner, but my favourite WAG has to be Sylvie. And I agree with Taskeen, a lot of the La Liga WAGs seem very down to earth

  39. Taskeen says:

    I really like Noemie Lenoir for some reason, she's overcome her personal issues, come out strong and has restarted her life really well, the same for Sylvie. Antonella, Carla and Ollalla are all quite endearing because of their unpretentiousness and sense of normality.

  40. Hannah (Mrs Gerrard-Lampard-Torres-Terry-Fabregas) says:

    Number one is sylvie deffo.

  41. eeraaa says:

    I vote for Sylvie for #1 WAG! She has to be. Classy, beautiful (inside and out), and most importantly strong and determined. She battled away that awful cancer and came back stronger than ever! She's gorgeous and charismatic so she should be our WAG of the year.

    Remaining Picks:
    2. Illary Blasi
    3. Olalla Dominguez
    4. Ana Vidic
    5. Mamen Sanz
    6. Helena Seger
    7. Sheree Murphy
    8. Carla Dona Garcia
    9. Lisa Muller
    10. Jaydy Michel

    They are in no particular order. Sara, I liked you. Then you go and sell the story of your boob job. Sorry, off my list.

  42. Elizabeth says:

    Sylvie van der Vaart had cancer last year – shes my number 1 WAG. Shes so strong and absolutely beautiful!!