May 20th, 2010
A Study in National Team Training Techniques
Darren Bent & Glen Johnson discuss the benefits of Kickette ShinyThigh Liniment™ during an England NT training session. (Images via AP, Reuters, Getty Images)
As we lazily examine the flood of NT training photos currently washing around the office and ruining our work shoes, we’ve noted that each team seems to have a very specific (and frequently non-football related) approach to training for the World Cup.
So, as a service to you, our scrumptious and very discerning readers, we’ve sent the Kickette Scientific ManCandy Research Institute off on one of their specialist missions to suss out what it all means.
While we’re waiting for them to finish spending their expenses money in the pub (which we realise could be some considerable time) we’ve had a go on our own.
Fabio Capello instructs his boys to relax. It’s only the World Cup, after all.
Chatting, lying around and smacking one another about the face seems to be the order of the day in Austria. We don’t want to speak out of turn, but considering En-ger-land’s recent history in tournaments, shouldn’t you maybe, possibly be practising penalties?
We’re just saying.
Yoann Gourcuff (2nd from right) & Thierry Henry (right) ride the wild…er…ski lift.
A far more sophisticated and sport-related approach by the French NT. In fact, a gentle cycle through the Alps (left) followed by a bit of a go in one of those ski-lift thingies (above) seems so appealing we may consider the idea for the Kickette annual holiday. In the summer. Snow is rather cold, after all.
Regular readers, please note we’re saying nothing, nothing at all about any sort of photocrasher situation going on.
In light of the fact that (with the greatest of respect) the New Zealand boys are not the bookies fave to get out of the group stages, they have decided to put all their pre season prep into what they will defo win at.
Above, ladies, you see The Haka. And we wholeheartedly approve of its intro to soccer. (Oh, yee Gods, what we wouldn’t pay to see Cristiano have a crack at this!) However, we are slightly concerned if New Zealand’s NT actually believe that hardened man-watchers such as ourselves will not see past the confirmed manhunk (complete with oiled torso) at the front over to his pasty posse team-mates.
Germany’s Lukas Podolski & Stefan Keissling get a bit ‘handsy’ while Rugby mountain Jonah Lomu supervises.
Beaten by arguably more ‘creative’ teams (Italy and Spain) in the last two major tourneys, the German NT have apparently come up with a brilliant scheme. If they are not winning in the last twenty minutes of any of their matches, expect scrums and throwing of opposition players into the air.
We. Can’t. Wait.
The Aussies are embracing technology for their training regime. Here we see Timmy Cahill utilising the Kickette World Cup Ab Monitor™ in a most appropriate manner.
Other devices we will be attempting to shill in the coming weeks are the Kickette Short Tent Probe™ and the Kickette Base Layer Vaporiser™.
Coming to an international football stadium near you! We wish.