June 1st, 2010

Italy: A Study In World Cup Team Portraits

Italy World Cup 2010 team

Images via Claudio Villa/Getty Images, Valerio Pennicino/Getty Images Europe.

Since Italy are the current World Cup holders, we thought their 2010 team portraits were worthy of a Kickette critique. Unfortunately, the squad shots that follow below were not nearly as hot as the above free standing/sitting footballers.

We have come to accept that we are sometimes… wrong.

On the bright side, we do know what was underneath those Dolce & Gabbana suits.

Italy World Cup team portraitsFabio Cannavaro

Can this man do no wrong? They say pain is beauty and our hearts and loins ache for this man’s bounty full of pretty.

We could go on, but it’s not necessary nor fair to the subsequent line-up of photo failures.

Grade: A++. Please don’t retire.

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Italy World Cup team portraitsGianluca Zambrotta

A tad on the cookie-cutter side of caution, Zambrotta’s efforts are safely sexy and mildly mischievous.

While we’re not in total lust, we approve. Which is more than we can say for his teammates Mauro German Camoranesi and Mattia Cassani.

Grade: A

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Italy World Cup 2010Marco Borriello

Of course this man has two shots rather than the standard one photo maximum. In the sky shot (left) he’s got the stoic Cosa Nostra soldier-look on lock. Is he looking at us from heaven? Most likely. However, the lighting and arial view of Borriello’s second individual shot is not really the norm.

Quirks aside, not much can detract from this man’s ability to make a photo shoot of fully-clothed athletes this steamy. The hard nipple, weird collar, broad shoulders and visible collar bones are the inevitable few, though.

Grade: A-/B-

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Italy World Cup team portraitsSalvatore Sirigu

We won’t lie: we’ve never paid close attention to this NT keeper.  However, those baby blues sure are making a convincing case for more thorough, undivided Kickette stalk-time.

For every good, there’s also a bad: Sirigu’s hair needs work.

Grade: C+

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Antonio Di Natale

His picture just makes us laugh, which is not quite the effect we look for in our loin stirrers. In other words, this portrait doesn’t hold a flame to his Dolce & Gabbana work.

Or, like us, Di Natale doesn’t know what to make of Borriello’s one-man grass show.

Grade: C

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Giuseppe Rossi

Even with a history of being a half-smiling cutie, this American-turned-Italian star has a bad case of OMH (old man hair).  Not all flaws can be blamed on the photographer; Rossi’s Benjamin Button age reversal included.

Also: is he wearing Yves Saint Laurent Teint Parfait Complexion Enhancer? His tone is astonishingly even on his face yet the colouring of his neck doesn’t seem to match?

Grade: D+

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Italy World Cup team portraitItaly World Cup portraitsDaniele De Rossi & Andrea Pirlo

Did this gruesome twosome show up for the team shots the morning after they double-teamed a keg of Budweiser during a 10-hour Nascar bender? To put it kindly, De Rossi looks rough and Pirlo is the dictionary definition of disheveled. Nurofen Extra Strength, a hot shower and a fresh shave for DDR are in order before we can agree to set eyes on either of these bad boys’ frowsy mugs again.

Grade: F. FFS our eyes are burning.

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39 Responses to “Italy: A Study In World Cup Team Portraits”

  1. missbb says:

    god de rossi is so gorgeous a real man *drools* i just love his intensity yum yum

  2. Johanna says:

    Tough to hear Borriello was cut but overall it remains a strong team. Il Capitano can brighten our day anytime with that smile. Forza Italia!

    By the way, for those that want pics of the Spanish team, you'll have to do with these for now.

    http://www.blaugranas.com/media/galeria/25/9/9/2/… http://www.blaugranas.com/media/galeria/25/1/3/1/… http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0aTI3bn6mLeF8…

  3. Karin C. says:

    Il Bello – the one and only….Il capitano

  4. Ante says:

    There’s a reason why Canna is the captain, right?

    Oh yes!

    :D

    PS: But I want to smash the guy who destroyed hi pretty nose.

  5. Liz says:

    MARCO BORRIELLO DID NOT MAKE THE CUT! I am soooooooo said.

    But never the less. FORZANO GLI AZZURRI!!

  6. tammyv says:

    Giuseppe Rossi didn’t make the final cut

    • senora ramos says:

      the espn curse.

      • tammyv says:

        Espn has a curse? I only know of the SI curse which not hapy because Deuce, Timmy H and Landy are on the cover of right now

        • senora ramos says:

          it’s the only nice thing i could think to say. it is the si curse, and i’m not overly concerned about the yanks, b/c who else would they put on the cover? as long as pele doesn’t say anything about us, we’re ok.

  7. C16 says:

    Ohh!!! Canna's smile melts me!!! <3

  8. Lucy says:

    OMG Giuseppe looks amazing!! love his manly features and gorgeous eyes :)

  9. lila says:

    Where is Claudio Marchisio's portrait??? Come on, he is gorgeous!!!

  10. Mrs.Higuain says:

    marco is just hooot.

    you better have a bunch of photos of him this summer!

  11. MrsNesta says:

    OMG I don't want to think about Canna retiring :( , love it that he's smiling in the photo and the others look like they're posing for their passport photos :) I prefer the first photo of Marco (although to me he looks hot in ANY photo) and have to say I am missing Mr Alessandro Nesta from the Azzurri photos :( DDR and Pirlo still look hot even when looking a bit rough and I like the unshaven DDR :) OK BRING ON THE WC ALREADY!!!!!!!!!

    • MrsNesta says:

      OK why haven't Italy named their squad yet?????????? Or am I just not seeing it, checking twitter, sports websites etc!!!!

  12. Marcelle says:

    I would have angry sex with Marco Boriello anytime, anywhere.

  13. OMG, Pirlo deserves an A++++++++ he is soooooooo sexy! I love his droopy, puppy eyes. Oh and that hair… *dreamy*!

  14. LizB (Mrs. Vucinic) says:

    They actually all got two shots (like Borri), not that it helped some of them. I'll never understand why the photographers have to have them all staring straight into the sun. I get the need for good lighting, but really. What's the point of good lighting when they're all squinting and looking awful?

    • SoMysterious says:

      exactly…they should have found out about that before they go and try to make marco look vain and bad as usual…it’s obvious they have some kind of vendetta against the man…anyways…he looks HOTTT!!!

  15. sounderslove says:

    meh. can we analyse spain's pics now please?

    • allforspain says:

      seconds your vote. :D

      • Sylvia says:

        yes please! :)

        • JaneSpotting says:

          Definately meh with the Italian sqad…Cannavaro? Meh and double meh

          Borriello is the only saving grace here.

          DDR rated an F is a bit over the top.

          He looks like he just crawled out of bed and that look suits me just fine.

          Regardless, not a one can compare to the beauty of those Spaniards..so lets move over to Espana ladies already please!

  16. tammyv says:

    Fabio – well the song in the Nike ad says it all. El Capitano

    The Rossi – DDR/GR yeah I loath both of them. DDR for breaking my beloved Brian McBride's nose in Germany and GR for claiming to be American, loving America and then playing for Italy.

  17. kleon says:

    Pirlo needs a haircut NOW!

  18. Ella says:

    Sirigu is HOT! And Canna and Mario are ofcourse A++. The rest are meh. I'm still not sure how to handle an Italian team without Maldini. (SOB)

  19. mahn says:

    Borrie and Canna are gaaaaw-jussss!!

  20. Nancy says:

    Ahhh the tie-me-up-tie-me-down squad. While I flove, I'm not sure what to make of these pics…….

    - Fabulous Fabio: the sex.

    - Giuseppe Rossi: cutie pie.

    - Daniele De Rossi: sexy serial killer.

    - Andrea Pirlo: mental patient.

    the rest is just meh. How they managed to make an increadibly hot team look like this, I'll never know.

  21. lorena_chanel says:

    Borriellos first picture-set as desktop background :-D