December 23rd, 2011
AC Milan’s Bubbas & Ballers Are About To Occupy Your Ovaries
The unfair distribution of superior genes is alive and well at this particular Italian football club, and in the name of full disclosure, there’s a few things you need to know about your ovaries before watching AC Milan’s bubba-rific holiday video (set to a banjo remix of Jingle Bells):
1. They are the 99 percent. History often repeats itself, so girdle your loins all you want but Zlatan’s blondies are coming to haul them away (0:11 & 0:40).
2. This will be a peaceful protest by your biological clocks. Sudden feelings of hatred for your contraception will be allowed to flood your main sexual chambers and set up tents, kitchens and a stuffed animal zoo (0:42 – 0:45).
3. During the minutes that follow your viewing of these babies, your bodies will be sent into a state of shock and ‘AWWW!’ (0:57 – 1:00 & 1:08 – 1:10).
It was nice knowing ya, Kickettes!