January 28th, 2010
Adrian Mutu: Drug Test Failure, Part II
The Italian Football Federation has announced that a sample taken from Mutu after a Fiorentina v. Bari match on January 10 tested positive for doping agents and showed traces of Sibutramin. His pick of poison? An anti-obesity appetite supressant – something we don’t get as we can’t find an ounce of fat on homeboy’s body.
As you may know, this is the second drug test failure for Mutu in five years. He also tested positive for cocaine while playing for Chelsea in 2004. The club sought compensation from Mutu and in July, the Court of Arbitration for Sport ruled in favor of Roman the Russian Oligarch. Mutu was ordered to pay his former team £14.6m (plus interest) but we imagined the CAS would somehow find it in their hearts to keep this pretty man’s pockets full.
Earlier this season he had been under close watch by his coach after being ruled unstable due to the effects of the settlement. He requested to donate to charity and later admitted that he was buggin’ about his debt. Mutu said he couldn’t sleep or eat – which raises the obvious Q – why the need for an appetite reducing stimulant? Why not just do it the old-fashioned Shake Weight way?
Italian reports, naturally, are speculating that the Viola player has relapsed, citing the similarities between the effects of cocaine and Sibutramin, and claim he could face a ban of 1 – 4 years. His agent supposedly declared that if he were to receive a lengthy ban, he should start practicing his best Miss Universe pageant wave because his career will be over.
As for now, Mutu was escorted off today’s Fiorentina practice pitch and has been suspended from football in the UK and EU until further notice.
We hope this is all jut a mix-up with fat Ronaldo, though, because we can’t bear the thought of Mutu being sidelined anymore. His beauty mark certainly belongs on the pitch where we can see it. And his money belongs in a safe place. Like with us.
First spotted at Soccer Portal