November 14th, 2011
An Open Letter To Cesc Fabregas: F5 Intervention
Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /var/www/html/ki/kickette.com/wp-content/plugins/polldaddy/polldaddy-org.php on line 385
Warning: Division by zero in /var/www/html/ki/kickette.com/wp-content/plugins/polldaddy/polldaddy-org.php on line 512
There was a time when we thought our love for you was unconditional. That the beauty you exuded from your pretty face to your perfectly formed tippy-toes was sufficient to overcome any negative feelings we might have about your personal decisions and/or conduct during work-based arguments.
But then you started dropping hints that the perfection we rely on to get us through the
night day might be causing you some anguish.
We tried to accommodate your inner conflict and solve said problem for you, and originally it seemed our harmonious relationship was back on track. We lust = you remain lust-worthy.
Then you got cocky. You started taunting us. You made vague promises which, we realise now, you had no intention of keeping. We had no alternative but to bring in the tramps from the Mayhem & Fruit Beverages Suite to conduct the Cesc-orcism. Tellingly, it didn’t work.
We, like your former teammate Wojciech Szczesny, reached the end of our collective tethers when we saw your unruly mop on Saturday night (above). Cesc, it breaks our hearts to say this, but we’re going to canvass our readers for their opinions. If they feel as betrayed and hurt as we do over your continued ambivalence to our FREE CESC’S HAIR protests, then we’ll be forced to take an unprecendented step of banishing you from our Finest 5 list.
Think we’re being a bit harsh, Kickettes? Look at the evidence and see how it supports our contention:
As reader Sil put it weeks ago, “he looks sad, like ‘Why do I have to get a hair cut, use some decent clothes. The world doesnt love me anymore’”.
Back then we still did…
Call us old-fashioned, but we (generally) prefer for footballers to avoid slicking back their hair. They don’t work in finance and thus there is no reason why Gordon Gekko should be their style icon. For this reason alone, Cesc’s product shill for PUMA is on this list.
Image: PUMA Football.
All hair trends are cyclical and currently, Cesc is back to the waterfall bangs that we hate. Wet, barely-wrung hair calls for a serious deep conditioning treatment pared with self-reflection and weekly meditation.
A heavy-handed snip of some scissors would also suffice as well as ease our pain.
Image: AFP PHOTO/GLYN KIRK.
What’ll it be then? Should this man – soley because of his hair – stay or go from our coveted (and oft-contentious) F5?