August 17th, 2010

Ashley Cole: Some Simple, Cost-Effective PR Advice

As news breaks of Chelsea’s plan to launch a PR initiative to improve the image of Ashley Cole in England, we find ourselves laughing our asses off torn.

We would be rather saddened by Ash’s defection to what would surely be the friendlier bosom of Jose Mourinho’s Real Madrid (despite everything, the guy is clearly one of the finest left backs in the world and would be a massive loss to the EPL.)

And (much) more importantly, his commitment to asshattery is a staple part of our raison d’etre.  We’d be lost without him.

Besides. There’s no sense in spending an absolute fortune on newspaper articles banging on about how Ashley is misunderstood and it was all a terrible mistake blah blah blah. Just remove Ashley’s means of mobile communication and give us the money instead. Admittedly we’ll spend it all on booze and clubbing, but we pledge never to take naked photos of ourselves and text them to everyone in our address book.

Not after last time.

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16 Responses to “Ashley Cole: Some Simple, Cost-Effective PR Advice”

  1. tsidi says:

    Hi Kickettes. He is not bad. Everybody needs to be shown a little love. Me thinks if he got a good dose of that things would be better….

  2. Theo says:

    Ashley, push for your future and join Real.

  3. Love Sergi says:

    I think he is such a douche, but somewhow I find him somewhat attractive. lol idk I always have.

  4. freddiegirl says:

    I wouldn’t mind him at Real…they’re my second team so I’m alright with that. He’d be ok under Jose’s guidance. At the risk of inflaming all my fellow Arsenal fans….I don’t mind Ashley. I’m still bummed about how he left us but it’s been several years now. I think my non-hatred of him has to do with the fact that I got to meet him in London back in 2006 and he was really sweet and cool. *shrugs* Never did like his ex, still don’t know how that girl managed to become the UK’s sweetheart after the bathroom incident; good PR I guess.

  5. Fallon says:

    Ashley Cole doesn't bother me. Now that Ex of his does my head in. Ashley seems like he doesn't court the media. He doesn't really give interviews. I think he's probably just one of those guys that really love to play footie but doesn't want the publicity because you never really hear him talk. And when you do, it's like listening to a rock. But anyways, the guys is young, rich, somewhat good looking and likes to shag random skanks. Meh…doesn't bother me.

  6. Mel says:

    LMAO, this is brilliant!

  7. aps says:

    I really can’t stand him. sorry piece of excuse for a man.

  8. JV says:

    Maybe its because his wife (ex-wife?) annoys me, maybe its because I'm a ManU die hard, maybe its because he had the chutzpah to puke and rally mid-sex… whatever it is, I find him hugely entertaining. Please join Real, Ash. I await the stories of your tour of douchebaggary throughout Spain.

  9. Liz says:

    noooo i don't want him in Madrid!! Stay AWAY!!!

    • Julia D says:

      Amen! Los Merengues don't need another man-whore, besides he & CR9 would probably come to blows over the dressing room mirror. Not a fan of his, sick of her whining to the media….get a therapist dear, you can afford it. The press & public are not your "friends".

  10. Carson says:

    "…the guy is clearly one of the finest left backs in the world…

    Looks like someone missed the World Cup. And his spot-on impersonation of an orange traffic cone in the Community Shield match. Love him for his this-post-writes-itself antics, but he's just another overrated English celebrity player. He'd sink like a stone at Real.

  11. Claire the Forest Fan says:

    I heard he had a thing with Frankie from the Saturdays in May

  12. Thea says:

    Kickette – he’s a lost cause! Real Madrid should just take him and be done with it!

  13. Lisa says:

    Madrid has more bars per square kilometre than any city in the world.

    Add that to the legions skanks that follow Real Madrid players in that city (Not counting Kickette readers of course!) equals more and more opportunities for Ash to get into trouble.

    Therefore I hope Real Madrid sign him up of course!

  14. beri says:

    sighh…I agree with Thea! damn you Ashley….you're not a bad looking bloke…why did you have to be such an arsehole?!?!?!