August 17th, 2010
Ashley Cole: Some Simple, Cost-Effective PR Advice
As news breaks of Chelsea’s plan to launch a PR initiative to improve the image of Ashley Cole in England, we find ourselves laughing our asses off torn.
We would be rather saddened by Ash’s defection to what would surely be the friendlier bosom of Jose Mourinho’s Real Madrid (despite everything, the guy is clearly one of the finest left backs in the world and would be a massive loss to the EPL.)
And (much) more importantly, his commitment to asshattery is a staple part of our raison d’etre. We’d be lost without him.
Besides. There’s no sense in spending an absolute fortune on newspaper articles banging on about how Ashley is misunderstood and it was all a terrible mistake blah blah blah. Just remove Ashley’s means of mobile communication and give us the money instead. Admittedly we’ll spend it all on booze and clubbing, but we pledge never to take naked photos of ourselves and text them to everyone in our address book.
Not after last time.