April 29th, 2010
Baby-Faced ‘Ballers: How Durrty Are You?
This is Mitch Langerak. He’s 21 years old and plays in goal for Melbourne Victory. Yes. We know. Our interest in the A-League has suddenly rocketed too.
We might appear to be drunken hot messes with the moral fibre of, well, her , but we swear we were well-raised. Hence, we can’t help but feel there is something slightly ‘naughty’ about hankering after boys who, while not young enough to be our own sons, currently share an age bracket with our pre-teen siblings and/or cousins.
What we don’t doubt, though, is that we’re not alone in feeling wracked with this young-love guilt. Call it our maternal instincts or our bon-bon group therapy sessions that don’t seem to be working, but there’s something babylicious in the Kickette air. Lately, the barely legal ‘ballers have left us captivated and feeling duurrty. If you’ve caught yourself dreaming of a school (or work) free summer, then indulge, share your nasties, or feign some sort of outrage and phone a hotline.
Freddie Sears (Coventry City – on loan from West Ham)
Some boys are a little inexperienced. A couple of fumbling misunderstandings re: the socks, but then again, baby boys shouldn’t be expected to dress themselves if they’re still breastfeeding.
Duurrrrty girl rating: Fancy dress party. Wrong costumed kid. Pure shame.
Mitch Langerak (Melbourne Victory)
Yep. But we like him so much we’ve decided to post this picture too. To us, Mitch is the best tadpole to experience awkward pubescent moments with because he makes you feel better about yourself.
Duurrrrty girl rating: Backseat of his Dad’s car. You lie to your friends about it.
Duurrrrty girl rating: Under the coats on a bed at a party. Drunk. But not that drunk.
Alessandro Malomo (AS Roma)
If you like ‘em blond and rippling, you’re headed in the right direction with Alessandro Malomo. Lean and lanky with genes to die for, we have this one earmarked for our own personal use. And we don’t lend.
Duurrrrty girl rating: Meeting Mum & Dad. After they’ve unexpectedly walked in on you topless.
Jack Wilshere (Bolton Wanderers – on loan from Arsenal)
Previously noted by our good selves whilst shilling neon Nike, Jackie boy is the epitome of biteable baby. Get him now while he’s warm & tender.
Duurrrrty girl rating: Down the park with his mates and yours. He lets you wear his hoodie. For a bit.
Duurrrrty girl rating: You film yourselves.