September 6th, 2010
Baking For The Bad Boys: A Walnut Ring For Wayne Rooney
The baby grapes, Wazza! How could you (allegedly) betray the little toes?
Recipe for a Scandal: Ingredients
- 1/2 handful of grainy photos
- 2 cups unidentified, random sources
- Generous amounts of liquor (before, during and after, or as needed)
- 1 arrogant/insecure/horny footballer with the ability to shut off the part of his brain that reminds him that he has a family and/or has said vows to remain faithful
- 2 oz. naivety
- 1 cup of hooker
Mix all ingredients on a Pay As You Go phone for approx. 30 text messages or until WAG is left red-faced. Alternatively, 1 hair dresser can be substituted for 1 cup of hooker in order to make scandal more rich and sordid.
Not sure about you, Kickettes, but we really could have done without the allegations that Wayne Rooney strayed from his then-pregnant spouse an odd number of times. John Terry may have inadvertently been declared the President of the 2010 Philandering Footballers Fanclub, but because stories such as this are becoming de rigueur for Sunday papers, we are losing interest at an astonishing rate in EPL players’ inabilities to keep it in their pants.
Thus, we’ve decided to share the cake recipe we normally bake for friends and neighbors to gather ’round and nosh on while trading rumours they’ve heard on the net. We’ve all read the variety of reports by now, so no need to rehash the deets. Because they’re terrible. Let’s just eat cake.
FYI: General Consensus around Kickette:
1. We don’t blame the hooker. Actually, we rarely blame the vice girls because, after all, they’ve got a job to do. That said, we’re not condoning this girl’s multiple sex chats with newspapers in exchange for pay, but we are consistently *facepalming* ourselves as we probe, “why did you think this would be kept confidential?!” when considering who the player is.
2. Keep in mind the gory news is still all just allegations at this point, and we eagerly await movement from the Rooney camp. Still, true or not, what supposedly happened is inherently gross and vile.
3. There’s been trouble brewing at our headquarters ever since this story broke, because we want to share parental custody of Kai while the adults fight it out. That baby deserves to be raised on the chewy goodness of a graham cracker like the S’mores he is intended to be.
What’s your take on the heinousness, Kickettes? Keep in mind: comments that are slanderous, maliciousness, perpetuate rumours and allegations and so forth will be removed without notification. We like our site just the way it is and always try to avoid legal conflicts whenever possible.