June 24th, 2010
‘Baller Bylines: Fernando Torres & Pepe Reina, Spain
Fernando: Nuh uh. I won’t grow one. I won’t. I don’t care what you do to me, I will not grow any kind of beardy weardy facial hair.
Pepe: Fernando, please. It’s time to be realistic. Your haircut has taken your mojo. And us, a team run on hair! Look at me, I have no hair and I can’t get near a game. My only hope is now that Iker has shaved, he might lose his power. Either that or create an international incident getting interviewed by his girlfriend again.
Fernando: Look, I’ve just had my first grown up haircut, y’know. Don’t oppress me for finding my masculinity. Besides. Carles has enough hair for all of us.
Pepe: You’re being unreasonable. Think about it. David Villa has his soul patch and he is on fire. You have no hair and currently can’t hit a cow’s ass with a banjo. Do it for your country, boy!
Pepe: Considering what Pique has taken for this team so far, your reluctance to even consider growing facial hair to inspire your country to World Cup glory is shallow to say the least. It’s about commitment, Fernando. Commitment. Soul patch equals goals with added bitch slap. You might as well go and play for France.