June 24th, 2010

‘Baller Bylines: Fernando Torres & Pepe Reina, Spain

Fernando: Nuh uh. I won’t grow one. I won’t. I don’t care what you do to me, I will not grow any kind of beardy weardy facial hair.

Pepe: Fernando, please. It’s time to be realistic. Your haircut has taken your mojo. And us, a team run on hair! Look at me, I have no hair and I can’t get near a game. My only hope is now that Iker has shaved, he might lose his power. Either that or create an international incident getting interviewed by his girlfriend again.

Fernando: Look, I’ve just had my first grown up haircut, y’know. Don’t oppress me for finding my masculinity. Besides. Carles has enough hair for all of us.

 Pepe: You’re being unreasonable. Think about it. David Villa has his soul patch and he is on fire. You have no hair and currently can’t hit a cow’s ass with a banjo. Do it for your country, boy!

Fernando: (Whiny) But what about my freckles? They’re developing quite a following of their own. If I cover them up, they may rebel. And then I will be upset.

Pepe: Considering what Pique has taken for this team so far, your reluctance to even consider growing facial hair to inspire your country to World Cup glory is shallow to say the least. It’s about commitment, Fernando. Commitment. Soul patch equals goals with added bitch slap. You might as well go and play for France.

Fernando: Meep.

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39 Responses to “‘Baller Bylines: Fernando Torres & Pepe Reina, Spain”

  1. smahncke says:

    God, I love this site!!! You guys crack me up!!!

  2. eve says:

    i loved this and go spain

  3. Ana;) says:

    Hahha kickette you’re hilarious I have no idea how you come with this
    and Nando would look so weird with a beard that’s just a nono it would distract pols attention away from those freckles we all love!!
    Aww and I felt so sorry for ger I actually was screaming at the tv! the eye and then the mouth! :( not the mouth!! I swear someone is rele trying to damage him!! Lol

  4. aristeia says:

    I’d likely do whatever Pepe asked me to do.

  5. Deedz says:

    This actually might have made my life.
    Take them Chileans DOWN.

  6. Basyey says:

    OMG I miss these things SOOOO MUCH!! Kickette you have to do more "Baller Bylines" they are deff a favorite!!

  7. Barcelista says:

    I feel so sorry for my Pique!! First the eye and then the mouth.. :( Whats next – his nose?!? I just hope Chile stays away from him! Actually I would prefer if the stupid jabulani didn’t get near the spanish goal at all.. It would make it all so much easier and no one would have to hurt my Pique!!
    If only Del Bosque would do like Aragones in 2008 and play Barca style instead of that – well whatever it is he is making them play – that would most likely happen.. I mean half of the players are already playing in Barca.. And who knows maybe spain would have the chance to actaully WIN the WC! (Sorry for letting my frustrations out but I REALLY don’t like Del Bosque’s style.. No wonder R.Madrid sacked him)

    Btw loved the Carles Puyol hair-thing!! And the picture is just perfect ;)

  8. *Naylea* says:

    OMG! xDDD
    This is great! Love it!!! hahahaha xD
    I soooooooo adore his hair atm!!! Well, Nando always hot, but now is so damn sexy&hot! And those freckles… mmmm… *siiigh* xD

  9. Amanda says:

    I never really thought he was hot. But now.. yuummmmm… I approve the haircut!

  10. cescsababe says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed! The conversation is PERFECT with this picture too. Speaking of hair, anyone else notice Sergio Ramos’ hair atrocities? Those headbands and his wet-looking, slick hair are just disappointing. I think a bun or ponytail would do nicely.

  11. Key says:

    LOL!!!!!!! OMG i love u Kickette! but i cant imagine my nando with a bear no no, hahaha!! but i also believe that hair has magic powers! he needs his long hair back

  12. Lauren says:

    Okay am I the only one who noticed Nando's slight short tent?!!?

    • Barcelista says:

      Hahahaha you’re right.. Hadn’t even noticed it.. Thats hilarious :D But in Nando defence I must admit.. Reina’s a hottie!!!

  13. Sylvia15 says:

    Omg LOLLL hylariousss!!!

    I love Gerard Piquee!!! soo cutee!! and awww when he got hit in the nuts..and awww his lip and those cotton things he has to keep in his mouth..
    and omg awww when the medic sprayed that spray in his mouth and he jerked!!! Soo Cuttee!!

  14. anja says:

    thank you kickette! thats hilarious!!!! aaaahhhaaahhaaaa, can’t stop laughing :D

  15. elnino says:

    Haha! This is stupendous! But I really can’t imagine my boy with a beard..

  16. Nora says:

    LOL. My friends and I were commenting that Nando's power was in his hair (in a weird sort of Samson and Delilah way) and that he needed to grow it back.

    Also- I don't think you should be allowed to have a soul patch unless you've killed someone. But since Villa rocks it so well, it leads me to believe he has killed someone (possibly by bitch facing them to death or fangirl head explosion).

  17. gooner till i die says:

    mannn i love this kickette, its soooo cool, but i just couldn't imagine nando with a beard and i like that part with "you might as well go play for France" looool :) x

  18. Joan says:

    Hilarious! Aww my poor baby Pique. Also, Puyol's name is Carles not Carlos.

  19. iida says:

    Kickette, I love you.

    That's all I have to say.

  20. Pique's mi y so says:

    HARHARHARHARHAR, ROTFLMAO, BEARD 4 DA WIN!! Lol, was thinking the exact same thing @ the game Mondaynight…maybe if Nando grew a beard he could sink a shot!! Aaah Kickette, its like y'all are mindreaders made of awesome!

  21. Johanna says:

    Thanks for giving me something to laugh about after the heartbreaking loss of Italy. The Red Fury still has some life in them.

  22. Molly says:

    I can't stop coming back and rereading this. Its so funny lol. I could't imagine Nando with a beard though. He has that cute babyface. I keep trying to imagine a beard on him but it would be too much. All he really had to do is dye his hair back blond lol. :)

  23. Homeskillet17 says:

    LOL for years! this was so funny! nice one kickette! "you may as well go and play for France" ROFL!

  24. cutecurls says:

    This is so freaking hilarious! The Carlos Puyol bit just slayed me.

  25. VeNia says:

    ohhhh look at them!!!so cute!but the speking thing was hilarious!!!!!!hahaha i laughed mostly with the nuh uh!!!Nando is going to be my favourite even when the world comes to an end!!!!

  26. Ofeily9 says:

    So Greaaaaat !! ;D

    "You might as well go and play for France." Not proud to be French…

  27. Anastasia says:


    "my first grown up haircut" = best

  28. Molly says:


  29. lilygold says:

    Please grow it back Nando, loved it long, blonde and straggly.

    • Goosie says:

      Me too!
      Also, everytime I see David Villa, I want to take a razor to his chin. That soul patch is disgusting.

      • senora ramos says:

        please, please stay away from villa. until club starts. then go wild! :D

        • Goosie says:

          Hahahahaha. Okay. I guess. Since I'm feeling nice. :) But it really needs to go.

          • senora ramos says:

            i love the soul patch. but once he’s a blaugrana, he can shave it so i don’t love him so much

  30. lorena $Yoyo Gaga$ says:


    C'mon Spain we need 3 points tomorrow!!!

  31. senora ramos says:

    LOOOOOVE IT! ha ha! nando, love you must be willing to do anything to get your shot back. haha!