November 23rd, 2010

Baller Bylines: Jeremy Morel & Yoann Gourcuff

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Jeremy Morel: So you reckon this’ll work, then?

Yoann Gourcuff: Of course it’ll work! Those fickle, insensitive, sexist drunkards at Kickette are only interested in manflesh. Sensitivity, artistic hair and gorgeous lashes are apparently insufficient to sustain their interest.

JM: Right. So we’re going to wander around the pitch naked after every game, remove our shorts in training and smear our abs in oil every time we see a camera. The Kickette floozies will see this, dribble and you will be restored to your rightful place in the Finest Five post haste, yes?

YG: Yes.

JM: So what’s in it for me, exactly? Apart from a serious risk of frostbite?

YG: You get to bask in my gentle glow, you fool! Imagine the attention you will get from hot bishes all over the globe, just because you’re standing next to me half naked! Besides, I need a wing man. I’ve already been the victim of bullying in the national team. If they find out that I care about this, they’ll beat me to death with sticks.

JM: Fair enough.

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59 Responses to “Baller Bylines: Jeremy Morel & Yoann Gourcuff”

  1. CescForever says:

    ooooh Yoann that is sex on a plate :O
    he was being bullied in the national team?! let me at those bishes!!!

  2. RedDevilette28 says:

    Bring Yoyo back in the F5 please :)

  3. La footy Chica says:

    Excuse me, I need to get my jaw off the floor… *Re-attaches it* Holy heck. Those guys… GOODNESS ME! There aren't enough words to sum up the hotness…

    I.. Uh–Just… Uh– Lemme— *Faints*

  4. Lunare says:

    Oh, no! I missed Kickette's Yoann post during my absence from virtual world. He's gorgeous. I think he's the most handsome baller in the world. And WTF is with removing Yoann from Finest FIve. THat's not fair. Return him while I'm ogling his photo for another 30 minutes.

  5. mimi says:

    Poem for Yoann:
    La courbe de tes yeux fait le tour de mon coeur,
    Un rond de danse et de douceur,
    Auréole du temps, berceau nocturne et sûr,
    Et si je ne sais plus tout ce que j'ai vécu
    C'est que tes yeux ne m'ont pas toujours vu.

    Feuilles de jour et mousse de rosée,
    Roseaux du vent, sourires parfumés,
    Ailes couvrant le monde de lumière,
    Bateaux chargés du ciel et de la mer,
    Chasseurs des bruits et sources des couleurs,

    Parfums éclos d'une couvée d'aurores
    Qui gît toujours sur la paille des astres,
    Comme le jour dépend de l'innocence
    Le monde entier dépend de tes yeux purs
    Et tout mon sang coule dans leurs regards.

    Paul Eluard

  6. elylovesfootball says:

    Yoann needs definetely to be put back in the F5 list and needs to be first of them all!!
    Gosh just take a normal pic of him lol and look, look at the lashes, the beautiful eyes, the lips and the cute smile, the perfect body.. *looks in slowmotion and drools*
    Just tell us why you did that!? Yoann out the F5 is a crime.. a bad, bad crime!!!

  7. lonelySTARSHINE says:

    I really loved this one kickette, but won't ever forgive you for taking hi off the Finest 5!

  8. Sahra...* says:

    Never mind the F5, he deserves a whole SECTION of this site dedicated to HIM and him alone. Anyone with me on this one?

  9. Lisa says:

    ATTENTION: Miss Kickettes I think you girls were too distracted by the abs and beauty of lashes to realise that you wrote La Liga under category instead of Ligue 1. Who can blame you?! ;)
    Since he's no longer on the finest five you have to post more often on him now!

  10. Winnie Mata says:

    well dang it, how cute are they?

  11. Jackie says:

    Just noticed your F5. OMG it's changed. I do not approve.

  12. SoccerLoverrrr says:

    HAHAHAHAH!!! kickette u never fail to make me laugh!! oh man i wish i cud be the one to rub oil all overr yoann's beautiful bodyy

  13. C16 says:

    Kickette, I hope that you're regretting this decision so bad that you can't even sleep at night.
    I will NEVER forget this…


  14. Emme says:

    Yoann: I don't understand why you got kicked off the Finest Five list either. Maybe if the Kickette army would be willing to sacrifice Pepe Reina, you could be restored to your rightful place. Marco is not going anywhere, though – his soldier girls have waited too long for this.

  15. sarrible says:

    I just had a lengthy discourse with my French employer (I'm American) about various tax issues, which involved an avalanche of paperwork that I have to file with both the IRS and the French tax amis, all so that the French won't keep 25% of my earnings to do things like give their citizens excellent national healthcare and comfortable retirements.

    I forgive them.

  16. sere says:

    put him back! he needs to be there!!

  17. ThatWelshOne says:

    Oh my word. THAT body. *swoons* tell me again please, how on earth is he out of the F5?

  18. sheila says:

    You know – the opinions are overwhelmingly in favor of Yoann being returned to The List. Now we must determine who is to be removed. Otherwise, he goes to the 10 spot on the HOF. You cannot spend that much time on the FF and just get sent off to Honorable Mentionville. Not with those lashes. uh-uh. and those abs

  19. Deanna says:

    Who the hell is Marco? I want Yoann back in Finest 5!!!! mmmmmm Lashes.

  20. footieflu says:

    If only it be true *sigh*

  21. LaRojaFan says:

    Sahme on you Kickettes… how on earth could you kick this man off your finest 5??

    P.s seeing as you dont want him ill just keep him for me :)

  22. LAmonkeygirl says:

    I have never seen such a heroic display of French-face as Yoann is displaying here. It’s like Pepe LePew mixed with Maurice Chevalier combined with a dash of OMFG LOOK AT THOSE ABS.

  23. PiquAnna says:

    So how hotter/cuter does he have to get to earn back his rightful place in the F5???
    PS: if he catches pneumonia I'm holding you kickettes entirely responsible, and I volunteer to take care of him for you ;)

  24. Rossanera says:

    Yup. He belongs on the F5. Joe Hart can go.

  25. Emily says:

    Dear Kickette,

    I love you. Posts like this are why I come here everyday.

    On a more related note, reading this post while MIka's Grace Kelly comes up in my playlist is fantastic.

  26. senora ramos says:

    that is too funny kickette. you girls are a riot today aren't you?!


  27. Says_Who says:

    Hilarious Baller Bylines!

    Yoann, keep up the half-nakedness and short tent teasing and you'll be back on the Finest Five list in no time! And yes, you can bring Jeremy Morel as well hehe. Although, is it Kickette policy to bring a player back to the F5 list is they've already been removed from it?

    • Not at all, we've had Cesc as a return guest to the F5 and Cristiano nearly made a return several months ago. F5 is all about our current "crushes" and that can change as quickly as you can say haircut.

  28. kokonut27 says:

    oh YUM, and is that even like a little half tent going? :)

  29. GigiSantaCruz says:

    LMAO!!! Best baller bylines EVER!!!! What have you had before lunch today? I'm betting it wasn't just cranberry juice!!
    And, seriously, Kickette soldiers, how come we haven't gotten together to rebel against Yoann's exclusion?? Let's put on our best pumps, get our champagne glasses and RIOT in front of Kickette's headquarter!!! UNITE for Yoann!!! ;)

  30. Jo_ says:

    LOL! I loved this post, Kickette. I'm neutral on the subject but the captions are brilliant. Well done!

  31. McRed says:

    fingers crossed we'll be seeing the equally unjustly overlooked el ramos fighting for his rightful place on the F5 in the same way soon.

    come on sergio! we know you're not shy 'bout getting your kit off….

  32. JesseLovesYoann4ever says:

    I was bored and I opened Kickette, I began scrolling down and then I went on the top of page again and saw YOANN and I was like:

    oh myyyy
    oh myy gosh
    i did it again, so i'm gone let the beat drop
    oh myy gosh

    baby let me..
    baby let me..
    baby let me..

    baby let me love you downnn
    there's so many ways to love ya
    baby i can break you downnn
    there's so many ways to love ya
    i mean like, ooh myy gosh i'm soo in love
    i found you finallyy, it make me want to say
    oh, oh , oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
    ohh myy gosh


    it make me want to say


    oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

  33. Alik says:

    Kickette – if this is your way of compensating us for removing Yoann from F5, by posting his nekkid pics everyday, I forgive you!

  34. Mariam says:

    when was he removed from the list!?!?!?! i didn't even know! well if he keeps playing like he did against UK then he should be taking of his shirt more often ;)

  35. Ana says:

    YG: You get to bask in my gentle glow, you fool!

    Lol indeed. Well played, Kickette! :)

  36. emma says:

    i think we need to get him back on F5. don’t you see the complaints………he IS what makes the finest five

  37. MrsFigo says:

    ooooooft Yoann <3

  38. nooneinparticular says:

    bring him back kickette. just look at him, just look.

  39. emma says:

    i think we can get rid of pepe at the finest five and make *lashes* the finest of them all……..oh don't you see what he's got!!!

  40. OMG I just stopped breathing!*sigh*

  41. emma says:

    OMG…. finally somethig hot on yoann!!!!!!!!!!i’ve been thinking about him all day……..thanx kickettes ;) )

  42. lorena_yGp says:

    Ohhhh now I get it!!! You removed precious Yoann from the list only to make him shirtless 24/7 !!! Haha you are true Master minds Kickette's !!! :-) Even Mourinho will envy you on this one! :-)

    • Thea says:

      It was a just a cynical ploy to test our loyality……….he's must be the most long serving member of the finest five, he's been on it for years!

      • suzie says:

        I think you'll find that title belongs to Iker,who was a permant fixture on the F5 before he was moved to the HHOF.

        • Thea says:

          He's a Hall of Famer – rightly moved on to pastures old due to his love of strange facial hair, bad clothes and PASTA!
          LASHES will always be in style! My two loves Yoann and Barca and am a die hard for both!

      • lorena_yGp says:

        I just looked on the list on Hot H.o.F. and there is 9 of them…so if you think about it-Yoann will be perfect for #10 on the list !!!
        + the fact that in real life…HE IS A PURE 10 !!! :-)

    • BarceLisa says:

      is that the same reason why Aitor Ocio is never mentioned in F5 discussion? I swear, I have yet to see that man featured on this site with a shirt on (not a complaint btw).

  43. missbubbles says:

    So why is this guy out of F5 again, Kickette???

  44. Thea says:

    Yoann IS the finest five Kickette – stop playing silly buggars! you are just sore that he didn't go to EPL, which I understand, but you can't deprive us of Yoann, it's unhumane!

    • Sahra...* says:

      Well I was pretty bitter that he hasnt arrived at the Emirates yet. He will though, wait and see :) BUT, now that we enjoy him in HD with English commentary it's like a dream come true. BUT Kickette, you MUST put him back! For the sake of my health!

  45. BarceLisa says:

    wow. I don't think I'll ever come to grips that THIS fine specimen is off the Finest Five.