September 30th, 2008
Baller Bylines: Torres and Skrtel in Bitchface
PA Wire/KEYSTONE Press
Fernando Torres: Oh, for the love of… Don’t give me the bitch face again, Martin. It’s not my fault I have highlights of gold.
Martin Škrtel: Highlights of gold? More like highlights of heavy-handed and non-natural. I will bitchface you. I will bitchface you without even respecting you enough to make eye contact.
Fernando Torres: At least I can grow my hair. I have styling options with my new doo.
Martin Škrtel: I disrespectfully disagree. Your new look is offensive to myself, my people and small animals with weak constitutions.
Fernando Torres: Kickette likes it. That’s gotta count for something. Plus, look at how authoritatively my new hair blows in the wind and rain. I am like a hair god, reigning my mastery down upon you, the hairless.
Martin Škrtel: It looks bouffy and over styled. Are you a man or a pageant girl? I will call you Nandrina. And your hair doesn’t so much blow casually in the breeze, it stands up awkwardly at attention in the wind. My hair is the hair of a man who has no fear of the breeze nor the wind. But enough talk. It’s distracting me from my bitchface. I’m outtie.
Btw, Kickettes – is that a ring on Nando’s left hand? Can the obsessed please fill us in on whether this is a regular occurrence or a new piece of jewellery?