December 1st, 2010

‘Ballers & Bubbas: The Babypocolypse Is Upon Us – UPDATED

Image: National Geographic.

UPDATE: Believe it or not, we missed a few! Thanks to our embryo-eager commenters, we’ve added a few of the burgeoning bellies to this list.

Believe or not, every so often, footballers get randy. Shocking, but true.

When a professional footballer makes a choice/is given an ultimatum/is too intoxicated to fix himself a prophylactic, he and his mate engage in adult, under-the-covers action and make a baby.

[Ed Note: We must perfect our "birds & the bees" storyline before dispensing advice to our wee ones. Also: We are making every concerted effort possible to put off ever have to make this speech within the next decade.]

Anyway, we know from historical analysis that ‘baller baby booms usually happen in waves. Key moments in time include around the holidays (+/- 3 months) when rejoicing in spiked eggnog is accepted and mugging it out under the mistletoe is encouraged, as well as near the end of a successful season or tournament period. Insert comedic one-liner about celebration sex here.

This year, the pregnant folks have outdone themselves! We’ve got a total of 9 13 bellies bumpin’ along, a record high for this time of year.

Budding Bundles of Joy

- Liverpool’s Christian Poulsen and his wife, Julie-Marie, attended the Danish Football awards two weeks back and made a grand entrance by showing off J-M’s growing belly as a distraction mechanism from her leopard-print stockings.

- Michela Q. is the latest WAG of Northern Italy to join the baby brigade as its been announced she and Alberto Aquilani are expecting their first. She’s 21 years old.

Cristian Chivu wife WAG- In October, Yolanda Ruiz and Pepe Reina announced they were having their third child. We’re crossing our fingers and closing our eyes tight as we make four wishes at 11:11 that they have another girl.

- Per Mertesacker and his girlfriend Ulrike are expecting, no word on her waistline expansion, though. [Thx Anna!]

- Inter Milan’s Cristian Chivu and his gorge wife, Adelina, will receive their second stork delivery this Spring. [Thx Aps!]

Mark Your Calendars

- Sonia Del Piero’s nine months will be up in March 2011. This will be the third child for her and husband, Alessandro Del Piero of Juventus.

- Niko Kranjčar and his wife will also (most likely) have a pint-size Pisces, when Simona delivers their first child – a girl! – in March of 2011. [Thx MissBubbles!]

Netherland national soccer team- Dutch national teamer, Khalid Boulahrouz and his wife, Sabia, are having their third child in February. Previously, Sabia delivered a premature baby girl, Anissa, who did not survive. This past March, however, the couple were thrilled momma S gave birth to a another daughter, Amaya, and now a little boy will complete their family photo. [Image:]

- Olalla Dominguez, wife of Liverpool’s Fernando Torres, should be popping in early December. Rumours/chit chat/astrologers are hinting at 8.12.10 as the lucky day.

- Nicklas Bendtner’s (Arsenal) chick,  The Baroness, who looks as though she was due five minutes ago, is surprisingly on schedule to deliver the couple’s first child (her fourth in total) within the first two weeks of December. Caroline Fleming also recently made non-pregnancy headlines when she told Harper’s Bazaar that given the celebrity bedroom choice, she’d elect to sleep with Brad Pitt. That would certainly make for a very crowded king-size.

- Andres Iniesta’s (Barcelona) long-time love, Anna Ortiz, is slated for an April 2011 delivery, after it was revealed that their first child together was conceived during their summer holiday in Sardinia.

Recent Arrivals

- Christian Lell’s girlfriend, Daniela, recently gave birth to the couple’s first child, a daughter named Julie. Their new bundle of joy weighed 7 lbs 11 oz and was 21 inches, so that’s a whole ‘lotta baby limbs going on there. Fun Fact: Daniela is a seasoned WAG, having previously spent time fixed on another Bundesliga boy’s arm, Bastian Schweinsteiger.

- Royston Drenthe became a father on Nov 18. His girlfriend, Daisy, gave bith to their son Desley.

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52 Responses to “‘Ballers & Bubbas: The Babypocolypse Is Upon Us – UPDATED”

  1. amanda says:

    I just imagined when aquilani baby's have a joint last name… baby Aquilani-Quattrociocche.. oh my…. :D

    and as Juventus fans… i would love to see him stay permanently at Turin.. his on and off the pitch seems going perfectly since he came there… (played brilliantly, azzurri called up, baby… )

    no offense to pool fans.. :)

  2. Clairey_Lou says:

    I will gladly volunteer my services to make Bastian Schweinsteiger a daddy ;) lol

  3. Clairey_Lou says:

    Aww :) Lots of bubbas!

    No mention of Amelia Boruc, though Kickette? Artur Boruc's fiancee Sara gave birth to her on 9 August…

  4. Brittany says:

    Olalla's due on the same day as one of my best friends :) how cute!!

  5. leigh says:

    Also Ledley King and his baby daughter Tiana there are no pictures on here of her?

  6. Smooney14 says:

    Lell's team mate Raffael is going to be a dad again too. Apparently his wife is 4 months (maybe 5 by now) pregnant and they already have a son together. (
    Lell's baby is supposed to look just like daddy ("it's as if I'm looking into a mirror" he said recently), with the usually brown hair from her mummy.

  7. Miss.K says:

    What a baby boom!
    Rumour says that nando's baby is a boy… only rumor, we'll found out soon =)

    Hey Kickette, Iniesta's baby is a girl, he confirmed during a radio interview ^^

  8. Thank you so much, this was a good read. I was actually born in Madrid (I’m not telling you when though!) but moved around various parts of europe and lastly settled in Britain when I was 5. I dont remember an awful lot of the few years I was in spain, but the smell of spanish food always seems to get me going or something. It’s weird how I dont remember anything except the smells,isn’t it! I actually found a whole internet site dedicated to spanish recipes, which gave me great delight and thought I really should to share with your readers. Anyway, thank you again. I’ll get my son to add your feed to my rss thing…

  9. xbabyshakesx says:

    I'm sooo happy for Nando!!!!
    he seems like such and amazing dad!

  10. Jen says:

    i'd love to be a fly on the wall at melwood come spring with all the new arrivals to the liverpool family, it'd be fun to hear what the guys will be talking about. and did you guys hear what lucas was saying about being a dad? so cute!

    now that aquaman's gonna be a daddy can we have him back, please? and i realize the two are in no way related (him becoming a father/returning to liverpool) but i'm still mad at roy for loaning homeboy out and would like him returned to us, please and thank you. (and obviously would like roy to PLAY aquilani, not let him warm the bench)

  11. Leya_S says:

    I am BEYOND excited for all the baller babies, particularly my Spanish boys, Fern, Andres, and Pepe.
    Also: did not realize the Baroness had 3 children already!
    Kickette, now this is making me want to have a baby!! (Preferably with a baller, haha, but I'm willing to be realistic…eventually)

    • rubyqueen says:

      i know what you ovaries are so broody. i want a baby with david silva he is just beyond adorable and i just know our children would very beautiful..:)

      • Taskeen says:

        aaw ickle dahveed! just too adorable! saw him on tv last night all bundled up in the cold *sigh*…

  12. Rossanera says:

    Just bringing this back, it's somewhat on-topic:…

  13. Helen says:

    Lucas Leiva of Liverpool and his wife are also expecting a baby boy early next year.

    so thats pepe, nando, poulsen and lucas all having liverpool kids in the next few months.

  14. Lotte (Zlatanista) says:

    Lol at the Speech! I once gave the Speech (not to my kids, they are to young) to a, much, younger relative of mine. He asked me and I decided to just tell the truth, plain and simple, about what exactly a man and a woman (normally) does to get a baby, He looked at me with a face wrinkled in disgust, and assured me that he would never, EVER, do such a thing!

    Anyway, I'm thrilled about Miniesta coming! They will be a very cute little family.

  15. Jen says:

    More Liverpool babies!!!!! Very Excited for them…..also a Miniesta will be cute too!

  16. gin_in_teacups says:

    So many new babies! Cue excited squeel! I'm most excited over the Spain/Liverpool arrivals – can't wait to see Nando's nino and Pepe's new bundle, but I'm looking forward to any and all mini ballers. So many cute photos to ooh and ahh over.

  17. aps says:

    It's definitely baby season time where I am too! I've been invited to and attended quite a few showers already! So excited for all the new bubbas that will be coming!

    P.S. You forgot Chivu's wife as well.

  18. lauraa says:

    err abi clancy and niko kranjcar's wife?

  19. N says:

    LIVERPOOL BABIES!!!!!!! My ovaries are already in tatters from Nando's Nora, Stevie's Lexie and Lilly-Ella, and Pepe's Alma and Grecia, the new set of bubbas will just blast them out of existence.

    And the Miniesta will be adorable. Its parents certainly are :)

  20. LuvinBale says:

    I’m bit a huge fan of kids especially having any of my own. I’m morevthe Karen Walker type.
    But if there was a baller to reproduce with it would go as followed:
    Fernando Torres
    Gareth Bale- especially after the photo of him on twitter that Kickette posted. Whoa boy!!!
    Nemanja Vidic
    Marco Borriello(sp)

    I would def have their babys!!!

  21. rubyqueen says:

    you forgot to mention abbie clancy.!!! and good luck olalla i hope everything goes well for you.:)

  22. Lauren says:

    I volunteer to give Landon Donovan a child.

    • sarrible says:

      There are not nearly enough USMNT bubbas. Tim Howards' two adorables are having a hard time holding down the fort, and we don't see nearly enough of Clint Dempsey's little girl, so you go do your duty and I'll see what I can do about making some wee Bocanegras…

  23. Anna says:

    you forgot about Per Mertesacker and his girlfriend Ulrike I dont know when she's due all I know is she's expacting

  24. Rossanera says:

    My favourite football family are the Del Pieros, I must say. I would love to hate Sonia, but she's so beautiful and classy and she and Alessa's story is so cute. They give me the warm and fuzzies, they really do. Almost enough to melt my cold black heart and make ME want to settle down and have my own bambini.


  25. hereforthenando says:

    Thank you for informing me that the arrival of Nando's bubba is so imminent! Early December! Eee!!!

    My ovaries exploded when Nora was born, so I don't have much to lose. Nano Nando part dos is going to be the greatest thing to happen to me this holiday season. Best wishes, Olalla!

    • hereforthenando says:

      Woah, it seems as if my rating dropped 32 points when I posted this. What a disastrous comment…

    • Steph says:

      Ahh, I know. So happy for Olalla and Nando! :D Nora is adorable, so I'm sure baby No. 2 will be just as cute. :)

  26. missbubbles says:

    And you forgot Niko Kranjčar and his wife Simona who will get their first child, a baby girl in March of 2011

  27. blake2108 says:

    Can you blame the WAGs though?

    Footballers are more than worthy of reproducing with. Well most of them are…

  28. Bri says:

    I am SO excited for Andres. He is going to be the cutest and best daddy ever!!!

  29. Laurenxx says:

    im praying that fernando has a boy!

  30. tracy765 says:

    Ovary explosion! I'll take the bebeh at 11:00. Kthx.
    Truth: Just the other day, I mentioned to my son that Nando's wife was going to have a baby soon, and he was all "OMG that would be so awesome to have Fernando Torres as my dad!" Which a) didn't go over so well with Mr. tracy765 and b) left me feeling very confused, because mostly like to think of my 'ballers in a hot and sexy baby-making kind of way, not a warm and fuzzy daddy-ing kind of way. I think I need a drink to help sort this out.