December 1st, 2010
‘Ballers & Bubbas: The Babypocolypse Is Upon Us – UPDATED
Image: National Geographic.
UPDATE: Believe it or not, we missed a few! Thanks to our embryo-eager commenters, we’ve added a few of the burgeoning bellies to this list.
Believe or not, every so often, footballers get randy. Shocking, but true.
When a professional footballer makes a choice/is given an ultimatum/is too intoxicated to fix himself a prophylactic, he and his mate engage in adult, under-the-covers action and make a baby.
[Ed Note: We must perfect our "birds & the bees" storyline before dispensing advice to our wee ones. Also: We are making every concerted effort possible to put off ever have to make this speech within the next decade.]
Anyway, we know from historical analysis that ‘baller baby booms usually happen in waves. Key moments in time include around the holidays (+/- 3 months) when rejoicing in spiked eggnog is accepted and mugging it out under the mistletoe is encouraged, as well as near the end of a successful season or tournament period. Insert comedic one-liner about celebration sex here.
This year, the pregnant folks have outdone themselves! We’ve got a total of 9 13 bellies bumpin’ along, a record high for this time of year.
Budding Bundles of Joy
- Liverpool’s Christian Poulsen and his wife, Julie-Marie, attended the Danish Football awards two weeks back and made a grand entrance by showing off J-M’s growing belly as a distraction mechanism from her leopard-print stockings.
- Michela Q. is the latest WAG of Northern Italy to join the baby brigade as its been announced she and Alberto Aquilani are expecting their first. She’s 21 years old.
- In October, Yolanda Ruiz and Pepe Reina announced they were having their third child. We’re crossing our fingers and closing our eyes tight as we make four wishes at 11:11 that they have another girl.
- Per Mertesacker and his girlfriend Ulrike are expecting, no word on her waistline expansion, though. [Thx Anna!]
- Inter Milan’s Cristian Chivu and his gorge wife, Adelina, will receive their second stork delivery this Spring. [Thx Aps!]
Mark Your Calendars
- Sonia Del Piero’s nine months will be up in March 2011. This will be the third child for her and husband, Alessandro Del Piero of Juventus.
- Niko Kranjčar and his wife will also (most likely) have a pint-size Pisces, when Simona delivers their first child – a girl! – in March of 2011. [Thx MissBubbles!]
- Dutch national teamer, Khalid Boulahrouz and his wife, Sabia, are having their third child in February. Previously, Sabia delivered a premature baby girl, Anissa, who did not survive. This past March, however, the couple were thrilled momma S gave birth to a another daughter, Amaya, and now a little boy will complete their family photo. [Image: Grazia.nl]
- Olalla Dominguez, wife of Liverpool’s Fernando Torres, should be popping in early December. Rumours/chit chat/astrologers are hinting at 8.12.10 as the lucky day.
- Nicklas Bendtner’s (Arsenal) chick, The Baroness, who looks as though she was due five minutes ago, is surprisingly on schedule to deliver the couple’s first child (her fourth in total) within the first two weeks of December. Caroline Fleming also recently made non-pregnancy headlines when she told Harper’s Bazaar that given the celebrity bedroom choice, she’d elect to sleep with Brad Pitt. That would certainly make for a very crowded king-size.
- Andres Iniesta’s (Barcelona) long-time love, Anna Ortiz, is slated for an April 2011 delivery, after it was revealed that their first child together was conceived during their summer holiday in Sardinia.
- Christian Lell’s girlfriend, Daniela, recently gave birth to the couple’s first child, a daughter named Julie. Their new bundle of joy weighed 7 lbs 11 oz and was 21 inches, so that’s a whole ‘lotta baby limbs going on there. Fun Fact: Daniela is a seasoned WAG, having previously spent time fixed on another Bundesliga boy’s arm, Bastian Schweinsteiger.
- Royston Drenthe became a father on Nov 18. His girlfriend, Daisy, gave bith to their son Desley.