It’s been far too long since we’ve had a bulleted Beckham update.

In between NYC fashion week and blows to MLS jugulars, the world’s most popular footy couple has been mighty busy. Let’s check in.

“A skinny looking Victoria Beckham seen arriving at the Los Angeles International Airport to catch a flight. Victoria looks like she needs to eat a cheesburger and some fries and maybe a shake or two so she can gain some weight.”

- Re: the above, this text came direct from a photo agency caption. We suspect a Kickette reader has been working for them on the sly.

- Talk of Victoria’s weight isn’t unusual, but it’s reached fever pitch after the numerous shots of her looking extremely thin have been in circulation lately.

- She’s defended herself against these claims stating that they’re irresponsible and that she is “happy, healthy and I do eat.”

- Rumours of the peppermint tea 11 hour flight come to mind.

- As does this online game where you can lose precious minutes of your life lobbing cheeseburgers into her mouth.

-Victoria Beckham appears on the cover of ELLE US for the second time next month.

-Does this mean there is no chance she’ll ever break the Anna Wintour/Vogue unofficial embargo?

-You’re right, no one really cares. So let’s just revel in some key details from the shoot/interview:

- Romeo tagged along on his mum’s photo shoot wearing a mini dog tag necklace and dragging a teddy bear on a leash named Kobe Bryant. Seems he and his dad have a common love for bears.

- Victoria described her middle son (Romeo) as the family’s budding fashionista – he even showed up on set in a custom John Galliano outfit: “When he got it…he was so excited he wouldn’t take it off for three days.”

- What’s there to say about that, really? The lad has taste. And several thousand quid to spend on an outfit he’ll outgrow in 4 months. Respect.

- On the pap snaps of their honeymoon in the Seychelles, Victoria gave herself a thumbs down on attire: “I looked like i should be mopping down the boat! A cross between a cleaning lady and Joan Collins.”

- We would poke a fluffy bunny in the eyes for the chance to see VB clean anything, anywhere with a mop.

- David Beckham recently displayed his love for basic black by committing the ultimate Kickette error…again. We love it when a man is angry whilst sporting but not angry in black socks and trainers whilst golfing in Bev Hills.

- Looking like a non-sporting mix of K-Fed and … well, a golfer, Mr. Beckham needs to burn this entire outfit and start over.  We have a wide array of industrial-strength matchbooks and lighter fluids to assist if need be.

- David was also spotted at the Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles with singer Shakira to do try and brighten the day of some sick children.

- Reports that the Beckhams are downsizing their security are false. They just happen to have a downsized Cruz acting as protection for the family.

- Let’s finish on a happy/pervy note with a DBecks golden ball check. Everything in place? Good.