November 21st, 2007

Buh-Bye: The England Squad

Oh, mighty England, why do you suck so very badly? 


Euro 2008 will go on, but how will we? And more importantly, how will the WAGs? With England out of the tournament, will the designer fashion industry be able to sustain itself during those cold and lonely days? Travel-wear has given us the best WAG fashion moments of our lives, after all.

We’re beginning to accept that our relationship with the England boys borders on a dysfunctional one. Can anyone explain why we continue to believe in success, when there hasn’t been hope since the dinosaurs ruled the earth?  The 3-2 to Croatia loss this evening was a festive game of craptastic coaching on a pitch made for mud wrestling with a goalkeeper that we want to poke with a stick. 

Every single time, it’s a head shaking, champagne curdling, annoyance of a situation.

We’re calling abstinence on this one.  Or Oprah.

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35 Responses to “Buh-Bye: The England Squad”

  1. Cate says:

    Now that’s just mean.


    I’m still celebrating… Ah piss it. That would be mean.

  2. ?????? says:

    From Russia with love!

    We’re still celebratin’)

  3. ikumilavLFC says:

    huhu.. it’s successfully breakin’ my heart into thousand pieces. so awful! and the saddest thing is Gerrard is the captain when they lose. next year must be da bored est year!
    i rly cant believe it!

  4. Emma says:

    My darling Crouchie was the only English player who looked like they’d ever touched a ball before. Everyone else was pathetic.

  5. brandy says:

    ITALY! ITALY! ITALY! It’s just one hottie after the next smile

  6. <3 JT says:

    well, i still ant got over it, they were a complete joke, the lot of em!!! they couldnt give a shit all thier boverd about is the dosh thats rollin in from chelsea. english football clubs need to ship back the foreigners nd get sum propa english players in so they can get a propa squad 2geva 4 the internationals!!! nd tht bloody goal keep, i just wanted to jump thru the tele nd shake the life out og im!!! grrr !!!!

  7. The Fourth Official says:

    Good question, Robin, and I have been pondering it with the seriousness it deserves.  <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />  The Portuguese have Cristiano, and the Swedes Freddie.  But for sheer numbers of attractive men, it has to be Italy.  Plus their names are so much fun to say!

  8. Robin says:

    Ok – now that Thanksgiving is behind me, I can add my two cents.
    First – Stevie and Frank have never learned to play together. Can they? Probably, but it’s going to take a coach who can think of a better way of putting them together rather than ‘you’re our two best midfielders now go play’.
    I also think that it’s time to let some of the youngsters get up into the squad.
    Also – how much are they missing Carra? If Second Choice Steve hadn’t been such a putz about dealing with his team Jamie would have stayed and the defenders would have been so much stronger. McClaren just did everything wrong in trying to put his mark on that team. He’s lucky Beckham didn’t just walk away too.
    How many think they’re begging Mourinho to coach now?

    So who are we going to cheer for now fellow Kickettes? Who is the team of choice??? Who has the hottest men?

  9. Robin says:

    I would go for Italy, Spain or Portugal but I just can’t STAND divers and those are the 3 (besides Mexico) teams who are the absolute worst. I guess i’m currently ‘undecided’ but open for bribery from any baller or team. <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" />

  10. tammyv says:

    I am going for the Czech Rep, I think. I love Petr Cech and David Rosenthal (of Newcastle),and they are both just so cute.

    I could be down with Spain as well: Iker, Cesc, and the boys..yummolicous

  11. jubilee says:

    it has to be a tie between SPAIN and ITALY.

    :D :D :D :D :D

  12. Elise says:

    To do list:

    1-Book tickets for summer in Vegas
    2-Practice sneaking in and out of rooms without being detected.
    3-Buy skanky…er, WAGtastic new wardrobe
    4-Forget any sense of self-respect (overrated anyway)

  13. LoveLamps says:

    Kickette, the photo sums up the problem with England football.  Bench Steven Gerrard and let Frank run the damn midfield!  And shoot every fan that thinks it’s ok to boo the national team!  I’m American and, even though it can be argued we do not even have a team, I’d never go to a game and actually boo them.  Heavens knows I’d NEVER boo England.  Now if the manager benches my Frankie, he gets my wrath, but never ever boo the team at a game. 

    Now we have no WAG fashion joy and, even worse, no sweaty pics of beautiful British boys playing footie in Euro 2008.  Consolation – Romania will be there with the lovely Adrian MUTU.

  14. Becca x says:

    I Cant Believe It… Now I Have To Go Through A Whole Summer.. With Out Seeing The England Boys :(
    I Felt So Sorry For Them :(

  15. tammyv says:

    To my darling English Kickette sisters, I am so sorry for your loss, but spend next summer in America.  We will welcome you and your credit cards with open arms and a really weak dollar. 

    Besides all your ballers will be in Vegas next summer getting into more trouble then y’all every thought possible. It will be prime hooking-up time

  16. Elise says:

    Kickette, your opening line pretty well sums it up. It really is probably best not to think about it at all, but I can’t help it.  Too many of the players just seemed to not have their hearts in it.  Did you see Stevie in the interview afterwards?  Now, granted, I haven’t spent too much time Stevie-watching, so maybe I’m just misreading his reaction, but he really seemed like he just couldn’t be bothered.  And when Frank scored that penalty shot to finally put England on the board, it was like a non-event.  I would love to have seen England fighting for it like Scotland did.  Those boys wanted it more than anything in the world and it showed. They gave it everything they had.  They might have lost, but they have everyone’s respect.  (I’m not saying that some of our boys didn’t want it- John Terry trying to get back on the pitch practically on crutches, of course, comes to mind, and I’m sure he wasn’t the only one.)  But really the only thing I can be happy about in this debacle of a game was that Frank did make that shot.  All the crap he’s had to take since 2006, and there he was facing the Croatia keeper, in front of a huge Wembley crowd, with England 2-0 down, and morale nonexistent.  The look on his face, oh God, I can just imagine what was in his mind and heart at that moment.  The world stopped for me while I waited for him to take that shot. If he had missed it, I don’t think I could have coped, because I would know what he must be going through.  I’m sure they are all gutted right now anyway. 

    You know, I do place part of the blame on the fans (though I have to use that word a bit loosely) and on the nation.  All the incessant booing is just a load of shite.  On one level, I get why they do it- these guys are supposed to be the best, so why the hell aren’t we winning, but my gut reaction is to want to smack them and say ‘you know, maybe if you’d behave like the Scotland fans, and give our boys that kind of support then they might start to believe they could do this!‘  It’s like we gave up on them somewhere along the line and they all know it.  So, we’re all responsible for them sucking so badly I suppose. Thoroughly depressing stuff…

  17. Ella says:

    For your information Tasha, Barry was on the field but he was as ineffective as the rest of them.
    Honestly I love Stevie & Frank and both are fantastic midfielders but last night they did not play well. I think a combination of Mclaren’s tactics (leaving Crouch as sole striker was a huge mistake, he needs someone to play off) and Croatia’s early goals put them off in the first half. It seemed like they were told to go out there and get a draw but Croatia came to play a different game.

    I’ll agree Stevie is often like that when theres a defeat and its unfair to blame him for lack of passion as I could see him out there and he was passionate. Equally though you cannot blame Frank for it and saying he has no ‘football intelligence’ is laughable. Ultimately both players and the rest of the team and the ex-manager need to take the blame for the result.

  18. Elise says:

    I understand passion (though perhaps I don’t fully understand ‘Stevie’s football intelligence’! lol)but I believe the above post by tasha is a bit out of place here.  Most people seem to remain respectful in their snarking, but not this one.  I believe, Kickette, it’s in violation of your rules #1 and #3? I’m a huge Frank fan, and it’s just impossible for me not to defend his honour here.  The comparison to a barnyard animal can only have been written by someone who has missed his mastery of the midfield, and thus the game, especially recently.  To say that he requires anyone to ‘do his gruntwork’ is ridiculous.  He’s one of the hardest working men in football.  Love him or hate, that cannot be denied.

  19. tasha says:

    don’t blame stevie. blame the fa for listening to pressure from the media and sam fucking allardyce and o’leary and all their “ENGLAND SHOULD BE COACHED BY ENGLISH MANAGERS COS THEY HAVE PAZZIONSSS” shite. It could’ve been Scolari, or Hiddink, or they should’ve stuck with Sven, but instead they got Second Choice Steve.

    Also, to those who say Stevie didn’t care…hello, his team just lost! he’s always like that when Liverpool lose, especially when its heartbreaking like this (see: carling cup final ‘05, or CL final this year). And bench him for Lampard?  HELLO. I don’t know where Gareth Barry was, but if he wasn’t injured, he and Stevie would be amazing and if Second Choice Steve hadn’t played Mikey in that useless friendly, and if emile hadn’t been i injured, it would’ve been fine.

    someone on made a good point: only people who can keep up with Stevie’s football intelligence are usually the most sucessful with him. that’s why he and mikey were so effective for liverpool, and why it worked with barry, and why its beginning to work with Xabi. it won’t work with frank, who enjoys running around like a stupid headless chicken and making stevie do all his gruntwork. f*cking pathetic.

  20. Amelie says:

    Crouchie was wonderful though. the only one playing properly.

    *sigh* i could watch him all day……

  21. SuzyQ says:

    So heartbreaking.  Awful.  How can England not be in Euro 08???

    I feel like no one believes anymore… it’s like they don’t really think success will happen… remember back a million years ago in the WC game against Brazil when they had a real chance and they just couldn’t get it together? I feel like its the same thing in every game.

    Thank god Lamps did score and shed those demons… and I really felt for all the injured players on the pitch watching in agony.  Anyone who calls Beckham for his celebrity lifestyle should shut it and see what a heart and spirit he has for the game… though i think his best days are long behind him. 

    And as for the booing?  Shocking.  And disgusting, frankly.  I feel so down about it all. Kickette we need a good WAG photo to make fun of and make it go away!

  22. Elisa says:

    I blame McClown for calling up Carson with no International experience and benching Becks.  He always tries to blame Becks.  I also blame the primadonnas in the dressing room – Frankie, Stevie G, etc.  They need to start caring about their Nats team.  I agree that both F & S couldn’t be bothered.  It’s such ashame.

    Well girls we still have Spain to drool over :D

  23. Pau (who loves Lamps says:


  24. Gina says:

    Lamps and Stevie G are two of the world’s best midfielders and it’s a bunch of shite that they can’t play together. I think their partnership would take off under a manager who insisted they either get things sorted, or ride the pine. That means Morinho <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="wink" style="border:0;" />

    And is it just me or was Wayne Bridge left in the dust by Corluka most of the game? Cashley Cole was fit, so I can’t understand why he wasn’t played. The team selection continues to mystify me – not even McLaren could be that much of a knucklehead!

  25. Cherry says:

    I’ve been a Stevie watcher for many years and I can promise he was totally heartbroken. And as for putting him on the bench and letting Lampard loose is just wrong. Too many people that know the game would agree. Lampard does not have the ability to drag a game out of the gutter like Gerrard does. I will say that the only person most likely capable of getting the Gerrard/Lampard duo to work would be Mourhino.

    The entire team has to be gutted. Carson made a horrible mistake and blunder. But how do you think he feels today? Shite most likely.

    Thankfully McClaren has been sacked and hopefully the new coach will be worth a damn. As for the fans? What fans? From the noise coming from the stands, I wouldn’t think there were any England fans in the seats. The booing of the team is reprehensible. Those England fans do not deserve a decent team, much less a team willing to play their guts out. So much for the vaunted support. They should stay home or give their tickets to people that actually support the team, no matter what.

  26. jax says:

    Absolutely gutted ! Can’t believe a whole summer without the nail-biting, fist-clenching and tears that go with supporting England.

    The only one rubbing her hands with glee must be Elen – No more sorry-but-I-need-to concentrate-fully-on-my-game excuses from Frank . He’s got nothing else to do this summer but marry her ! At least we’ve got her sure to be awful wedding dress to look forward to.

  27. The Fourth Official says:

    I actually cried.  It didn’t help that all the Croatians in my city chose to have a parade outside my front door.  Steve needs to get his arse back to Liverpool – he was embarrassing.  What kind of captain was he?  A nonentity.  I felt gutted for Wayne and the other Man United lads on the sidelines. Wayne looked like he wanted to barge on the pitch and take it to the Croatians.  Also, Crouch worked his ass off. Though I’m not a Frank lover, his kick was a beauty.  Becks was the class of the field.  I hope he has a chance to be capped again for England.  All in all, I’m just terribly sad.

  28. freddiegirl says:

    More consolation…Sweden will be there captained by my beloved Freddie…what more do you need? :D :D:D

  29. Sarah x says:

    Right,, i see all fo you have written an essay on this particular subjest so now im going to leave my mark..
    I cant believe england are out Of Euro 2008 :@ Im glasd Steve Mclauren has left because i think it was mainly his fault that we lost. None of the players seemed like they acctualy wanted to win adn my school team could probably have played with more passion. As for the booing.. so un-needed!
    From a Very Dissapointed England Fan :(

  30. paris says:

    England have been unlucky to have such a SHIT manager I mean come on he has no idea about football and what players work well together. Thank god Steve Mclaren has been fired. It was completley his fault that England lost, he put Michael Owen out to play during a friendly why risk an injury like that when such a important game is ahead of the team. STEVEN GERRARD is amazing it may not have been his best game but lets face it none of the players performed to the best of their ability. How can anyone ever think that FRANK LAMPARD is better looking that STEVIE G, are you out of your mind STEVIE G is the best looking player in the world. I must say I’m so angry we won’t have a chance to see the WAG’S in all their glory for the EURO 2008, no expensive shopping trips abroad, no wild partying and no football how will I cope <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="angry" style="border:0;" /> !!!!!!!!!!!

  31. Johnna says:

    I think almost all of them should be benched and England should play with a squad like the U-21s. At least they care and show heart in their games.

    Leave JT in as captain, have Becks on the right, and Wazza and Crouch up front, and fill the rest of the squad with people who actually give a damn about winning a game. Then, maybe the rest of them can look past their paychecks and actually show some national pride and remember they get paid millions and millions to PLAY A GAME.

  32. LoveLamps says:

    So there’s tons of talk about who to bench in the midfield and I admit that, as Frank’s #1 fan I am first to jump up and down scramining for him to play and to bench Gerrard.  I do not ask for Gerrard’s benching because he is a bad player.  I simply do not find him as attractive as Frank and therefore would prefer to see Frank sweat and score for England! 

    The reality is, England has many great midfielders and it is a sad manager who cannot make such a great midfield work.  If only Jose would have agreed to take the job!

    Now ladies and fans of England, let’s put away our sadness and petty bickering and unite for something good – a hot manager like Jose!

  33. jubilee says:

    ughh… i agree with elise, england didnt even look like they cared at all. and by the way they were playing… i’m sad to say this but theres no way they deserved to be in Euro ‘08. The only person that played decent was Peter Crouch, and that was because he had David Beckham to save his ass.

    and what do you mean bench gerrard??? we saw how it worked with gerrard and barry, when LAMPS was on the bench <img src="; width="19" height="19" alt="smile" style="border:0;" /> it could of been anybody else to score that penalty it wasnt that great of a penalty, it was just average. and hmmm… when lamps wasnt playing. WE ACTUALLY WON. so obviously i restate my thought on he should be on the BENCH. chelsea lampard is not the same as england lampard. i’m not saying he’s a bad player because he is NOT. but there are other people more deserving. and everybody knows lampard and gerrard can’t play together because hmmmm the WORLD CUP. so its either one or the other, but you can’t have both.

    & scott carson- why would you have him play him 1st international at a game like this!! have someone who more experience… perhaps DAVID JAMES. the poor guy i actually feel bad for him, he was just under so much pressure and was so nervous.

    but since “second choice steve” (i like that) is sacked and we are not in euro 08. we should look forward to south africa… :(

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