September 11th, 2006

The Beckhams: Bulleted

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intimatelyAnother day, another 800 news items on the Beckhams.

Our love of the Becks is unfounded, but this calls for a rapid fire bullet summary, oh yes.

- The pool in their French villa has collapsed.

- This French villa has chandeliers in the bathroom.

- This is the same villa rumoured to be haunted.

- Victoria says the assumption that her behind was J-Lo’d digitally in their perfume ad is untrue.

- She just “stuck it out.“

- Oh, how she doth lie to us.

- She cut her hair as a ceremonious changing of the guard as the Queen of WAGs stepping down after hubby David resigned the captaincy.

- Victoria struggled to keep up with the WAGs at the World Cup because she’s older than them.

- Are we still talking about this?

- She also hates one of the WAGs.

- But won’t say which one.

- But we can guess.

- This is because a certain WAG got pissed off at Victoria’s son Brooklyn.
- Brooklyn suffers from motion sickness and the communal World Cup bus that takes families to the games had to keep pulling over so he could throw up.

- What the f*ck is Victoria Beckham doing on a communal bus?

- Aren’t they for peasants and livestock?

- Apparently all of the Becks’ kids suffer from motion sickness.

- Victoria’s perfume is outselling her husband’s cologne by 66%

- David’s favourite fragrance: “The smell of Victoria when she’s gotten out of the shower.“

- David says he loves Victoria so much he is building her an “infinity” maze in their English back garden.

- Victoria is currently in NYC for New York fashion week.

- David is watching the kids back in Spain.

- Her use of the trilby hat is to disguise an “acne” attack.

- Unlike WAGs forced to ride a communal bus, acne doesn’t discriminate.

- Victoria says David was “heartbroken” when he wasn’t picked for the England squad.

- She also thinks he is much sexier than her.

- “I always say to David, you’re naturally so talented and good looking, so much more so than me.“

- Well, duh.

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