September 11th, 2006
The Beckhams: Bulleted
Another day, another 800 news items on the Beckhams.
Our love of the Becks is unfounded, but this calls for a rapid fire bullet summary, oh yes.
- The pool in their French villa has collapsed.
- This French villa has chandeliers in the bathroom.
- This is the same villa rumoured to be haunted.
- Victoria says the assumption that her behind was J-Lo’d digitally in their perfume ad is untrue.
- She just “stuck it out.“
- Oh, how she doth lie to us.
- She cut her hair as a ceremonious changing of the guard as the Queen of WAGs stepping down after hubby David resigned the captaincy.
- Victoria struggled to keep up with the WAGs at the World Cup because she’s older than them.
- Are we still talking about this?
- She also hates one of the WAGs.
- But won’t say which one.
- But we can guess.
- This is because a certain WAG got pissed off at Victoria’s son Brooklyn.
- Brooklyn suffers from motion sickness and the communal World Cup bus that takes families to the games had to keep pulling over so he could throw up.
- What the f*ck is Victoria Beckham doing on a communal bus?
- Aren’t they for peasants and livestock?
- Apparently all of the Becks’ kids suffer from motion sickness.
- Victoria’s perfume is outselling her husband’s cologne by 66%
- David’s favourite fragrance: “The smell of Victoria when she’s gotten out of the shower.“
- David says he loves Victoria so much he is building her an “infinity” maze in their English back garden.
- Victoria is currently in NYC for New York fashion week.
- David is watching the kids back in Spain.
- Her use of the trilby hat is to disguise an “acne” attack.
- Unlike WAGs forced to ride a communal bus, acne doesn’t discriminate.
- Victoria says David was “heartbroken” when he wasn’t picked for the England squad.
- She also thinks he is much sexier than her.
- “I always say to David, you’re naturally so talented and good looking, so much more so than me.“
- Well, duh.
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