Read More: Maldini to join PSG as coach?

Sergio knows just how much of a burden being pretty can really be. We’re lucky we’re so plain. Images via Hola! magazine.

Sergio Ramos and Lara Alvarez were papped being all cutesy in Rome over the holidays – cutesy like how Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgens used to be during their ‘High School Musical’ days prior to Vanessa’s nude photos being splashed all over the internet.

Sometimes, after one too many whiskey sours, we like to sit back and have a think about a much different kind of Sergio Ramos. In our dreams, he always plays the role of a rough and ready night rider with a mean shirtless streak and a fondness for corner restaurant booths upholstered in rabbit fur.

How about you, Kickettes? Assuming your minds wander off at all sorts of times during your days too, what kind of character void do you most often dream about The Ramos fulfilling?

Manchester City player Carlos Tevez spent the day yesterday competing in wheelbarrow races at the beach with his two daughters while the future of his professional services continued to remain a mystery.

Bojan Krkic was all but mauled by a Kickette Soldier girl at his book signing last week.

We’re beyond proud.

Saturday

- Chelsea FC owner and Russian bajillionaire, Roman Abromovich, spared no expense for his New Year’s Eve party in St Bart’s.

- Sadly, Dani Alves confirmed over the break that he and his wife Dina did, indeed, separate. So much for that tattoo!

- Christine Bleakley was said to be eyeing up a move to america (as well as a X Factor USA career switch) in the event fiancé Frank Lampard makes a switch to a MLS side. It didn’t work out so well for Cheryl so obvi we won’t be holding our breath.

Sunday

- Where will Mario Balotelli store his criminally charged clothing now?

- Cristiano’s adams apple appeared on the cover of the latest issue of DT magazine.

- Carly Cole fans, looks like you might have to wait a little longer for your bouffant queen to make her triumphant return to English shores.

Monday

- Wesley Sneijder relaxed and posed for shirtless pics on his well deserved break with wife, Yolanthe, and friends in Marrakech.

- Managers’ job security in football: is it really dependent on race or not?

- Before we go, one last bit of great ‘baller baby-making news: Jesus Navas and Alejandra Moral are expecting their first child together less than a year after tying the knot. Congrats!

Lionel Messi was honored in Rosario, his hometown city, as the Embosser of Rosario in the World just before the start of the New Year. His Mum, Celia (pictured above), brothers and a woman who appears to be from his family lineage but has a questionable relationship to him per our readers was also present and supporting the Barcelona player.

Croatian NT and Shakhtar Donesk captain Darijo Srna is currently on holiday in Barbados.

TMZ has accused his baby blue Speedo of grape smuggling, but we’d like to contest that. The term that best describes what’s going on here is actually “plum smuggling.”

Whose side are you on, Kickettes?

What we’ve learned from the footballing brothers Holden: for better or for worse, denim jackets are here to stay. Image via Instagram.

Although this distant view of Peter Lowry’s midsection was taken at a less than optimal angle, we still find footballers who proactively offer up shirtless pictures of themselves to be more attractive than their camera shy peers. Image via Twitter/@KerryBakes.

Er… Crissy? You wouldn’t be checking yourself out on the stadium JumboTron like we were, huh? Image: Julian Finney/Getty Images.

We are to tennis what hats are to Ladies’ Day at Grand National. As a matter of fact, we’re thinking of upping our court side attendance at more matches in the near future – especially at the ones that take place in Madrid and London.

Don’t get the wrong idea here, Kickettes. We would never consider attending any kind of event just because we might so happen to bump into some hot and famous footballers. No, that would be too pathetically contrived even for us.

We just like tennis, okay?

“Ooh, Jack Wilshere! What a coincidence to run into you here. This old thing? No, we just threw it on this morning. We always wear couture gowns to sports fixtures.” Image: GLYN KIRK/AFP/Getty Images.

-

Alright, so there may have been a minor scuffle when security caught us trying to sneak into the VIP section. Richard (WTF were we thinking) Chris Smalling and his pal might could’ve remained blissfully unaware if it weren’t for that pesky kid alerting him. Parents, control your children or leave them home. Thanks. Image: AP Photo/Alastair Grant.

-

This was our “oh crap” moment. Once Kaspar Schmeichel started to slowclap security’s dismemberment of the Mayhem & Fruit Beverage Suite floozies, it was practically game over for all of us. Image: Julian Finney/Getty Images.

-

We knew we could rely on Gareth to understand our passion for tennis. He didn’t, however, understand our dire need for get-out-of-jail funds. Image: Julian Finney/Getty Images Europe.

-

Nani was severely disturbed by our antics even though Thomas Castaignede (French rugby player) and Robert Pires could find the humour in it all. We always did like him during his Arsenal days, ya know. Image: PacificCoastNews.com.

-

Oh, come on, did you look at all of them?

Good, neither did we.