“A lot of the houses I looked at were really garish – lots of gold, all very Versace. Believe it or not David and I do have good taste. I like everything to be simple and plain.”
We’re going to hazard a wild guess that of all people you don’t want to make enemies with, it’s Donatella Versace. She’ll slap the fake tan off you faster than you can say ‘St. Tropez spray’.
Melanie Slade is in Closer magazine this week looking nicely Stepford Wives with Twiglets for Arms Robotomatic Dolly.
If you want to download and read the Deadline magazine section of Closer, click here.
Deadline is part of a reality tv series that we really wish we cared about but the weather is nice, work is kicking our asses and c’mon, we have a thigh competition to judge.
Coleen is launching a “luxurious but affordable” brand, called “Coleen”. This summer we’ll be treated to her first perfume, possibly titled: “I’m Rich, Bitches!“ or “How To Create A Whole ‘Lotta Sumpthin’ Out of Nothin’”.
In other Col news, her first television show (she’s contracted with ITV to do reality-based programming around her life until 2009) is going to be gracing UK screens soon – it’s all about Coleen grooming a group of aspiring models with grooming tips while she zzzzzzzz…. Link: Coleen McLoughlin’s Beauty Line
Closer also makes a compelling photographic example that Joe Cole’s lady, Carly Zucker, has lost the badunk from her trunk and is getting too skinny.
Forget that. Our question: Is there ever a time, a moment, a place, that Carly Zucker doesn’t have her midriff uncovered?
We’re down with a little midriff, but this is like 80s Let’s Get Physical 20 Minute Workout Style midriff. In fact, it’s not a midriff, it’s a ribriff.
David has shaved his hair off. Rapidly changing hairstyles as a sign of an unstable marriage and the need to move in with the editor of Kickette: Discuss.
Conflicting tales of Victoria Beckham converting to Scientology are emerging. Although so far, Lady Becks has successfully held off indoctrination, some say she has changed her mind and committed to the religion.
We all know Victoria has a will of steel (just watch her not eating for 12 hours on an intercontinental flight or continually denying she’s ever had a boob job), so why is she re-considering now?
It’s down to Katie Holmes, apparently. Some say that the friendship cooled because of the Beckham’s inertia at joining the Scientologists. Some say Tom Cruise has such a hold on Katie that he put the lock on her spending quality time with her BFF Victoria, and now that the California situation is nearly upon Victoria, she’s panicking – she needs a mate and she needs a high profile one to show up on her reality show.
The Daily Mail says: “Tom has made it clear their continued friendship depends on a commitment to Scientology. The way Tom sees it is that he has shown them a great deal of commitment during their move to LA.“
US Weekly says: “Katie’s friendship with Posh indicates she’s not fully committed to the Church” and says Victoria was so getting so annoyed by Tom Cruise’s constant sales pitches (he left 18 messages in an hour) (allegedly), that she snapped at him and said she was not interested in the religion, point blank.
David is not impressed with the Scientology situation, not least because he sure ain’t giving anyone any of his cash, and he doesn’t want his kids brought up in that environment. And to think, some say David doesn’t have a brain.
Link: Have The Cruises Succeeded?
We can all rest easier, take that vacation, and just exhale, now that the Beckhams have found a house in LA.
Victoria flew into LAX on Saturday to take care of business and sign the contracts. Question: couldn’t they just have the paperwork faxed over? Did she have to fly to LA in a nippletastic outfit? Perhaps that was included in the contract terms.
The house costs between £10 -£15 million and was described as “modern, airy, very light and spacious with lots of windows,” by a source close to the Beckhams. Let us state for the record that we sincerely hope no one paid that source for this useless piece of information. Isn’t that description fairly gosh durn obvious?
Perhaps if that wasn’t put on record, many innocent people would be concerned that the Beckhams would choose a hovel with no windows and an outdoor loo as their place of residence in LA.
If anyone would like to hire us for some expert insider quotes, please take this one as an example of our skillset: The Beckhams bought a house they really like. It is big.”
image: Life & Style
£4,000 a month posing as the poshed one, but spends about £70,000 a year keeping up with Victoria. We’re not math genuises, but isn’t that leaving you out of pocket by a good twenty-odd grand? Isn’t that money you could spend renting a small studio flat near Freddie Ljungberg and stalking the crap out of him instead?
Link: She’s Spend 70K to Look Like Posh