'Boys Week' Category

Season Highlight: Rafa’s Rants

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“There are so many to chose from: the ref who sent off the whole team in Argentina, the debacles at Newcastle and Tottenham, Lamps tearing a radio host a new one…

But my favourite one has to be the constant stream of propaganda coming out of Anfield: Rafa Benitez tapped into the ABU-sentiments of English football perfectly, and in the process has made more excuses for Liverpool’s inability to win anything this season than Ashley has made to Cheryl for being an ass.“

Link: Rafa’s Cracking Up

Ed note: Ahem. Well, that’s going to go down well with the many Liverpool supporters here. Let’s see what Chris from Studs Up has as his best season crazy…

“Rafa’s rant(s) can’t be beat. The media had a lot to do with it because I’m sure they goaded him, took quotes out of context or simply made things up. But as Mulder said, “I want to believe.“

Link: Marbles Lost?

Let’s move on, shall we? Or, you can tell the boys what you really think in the comments. We recommend shin kicks and hair pulling as fast and effective comebacks.

The Truth: 5 Reasons Why Men Read Kickette

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Ever wonder what motivates the boys to check in and nosy around on Kickette? Chris from Studs Up gives us an insight into why a man might be interested in our girl talk…

1. The Women

My world view on WAGs and the women that footballers generally attract is shaped by what I see on Kickette, therefore I come here to survey the pulling power of these players around the globe. It reminds me of what could have been had I focused on football as a career, and also been born as an entirely different person.

From what I can tell, footballers all over the world are with women of outstanding class, poise, and beauty. Except in England, where the quality tends to drop rather drastically. Really, really drastically.

2. Testing My Sexuality

I like to test myself weekly by seeing how long I can stare at an Italian footballer playing on the beach in a Speedo without blinking. If it ever goes over 5 seconds, then I know I have some deep soul-searching to do.

3. The Fashion

Despite being rich, famous and some of the most highly visible people in the world, footballers tend to dress like absolute ass-clowns. This delights me.

Ronaldo in shiny silver hot pants? Sergio Ramos out in public with what is clearly a tiny Louis Vuitton handbag? Jamie Carragher dressed like a 15 year old chav but with the face of a 40 year old chav? These are moments that brighten my day.

4. Boobies

Okay, I only really told half the story at No. 1. I also come with the quiet hope that Kickette will post a story with boobies, but so far no luck.

5. Becoming A Better Man

Sure, *I* think Ronaldo looks like a terrifying Iberian lesbian, but do women around the world agree? No, no they certainly don’t. How about Torres being akin to a blonde, rat-faced 14 year old? Oops, wrong again.

Such disparities have taught me that reading the comments left on Kickette helps me discover what kind of man I need to be. Apparently, it’s one who’s incredibly close to looking like a women but with loads of muscles. And big thighs.

No wonder lesbians get all the girls.

Not familiar with Chris Toy and his irreverent, sucker-punch style of football satire? You should be – he’s the man in charge at Studs Up, the fantastic piss-take of a comic strip. His sense of humour is seriously out there. Example: when asked about his favourite WAG: “…if I had to pick a single WAG, there’s something about Stephen Ireland’s girlfriend that’s very compelling. I’ve never seen a photo of her but I’ve seen her ridiculous pink car, and Ireland dresses like a clown so I can only imagine how hilarious she looks. I’m envisioning a cross between Krusty the Klown and Rupaul.” We rest our case.

Why WAGs are So… Over

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Bad news wagabees: it looks like your stock is rapidly losing value.  WAGs just aren’t as interesting as they used to be. But don’t despair – The Spoiler boys are on hand to give us their take on why WAGs are, like, so totally over, and provide some advice to those who need it on how to stay relevant in WAG world.

The Economyimage
Back in 2006, we loved nothing better than seeing troupes of gorgeous ladies stumbling out of Cricket clutching bags of designer gear, a lifestyle made possible by their better halves’ credit cards. But now that credit is so crunchy and unemployment is gripping the nation, the idea of seeing someone not doing anything for a living isn’t quite so amusing.

How to get around it: Trade the boutiques for Primark, and try to pretend that gainful employment is a distinct possibility.

The Internet
In many ways, the internet can help an aspiring supporting lady – tracking the extra-curricular activities of a target on Facebook is stalkingly good fun, and those with more tenacity than shame can go ahead and create a completely fictional persona to bait some ‘ballers.

However, the intertubes are also a huge threat on the sovereignty of Wagdom – why would a footballer go and meet a lady when he can have just as much fun with at home with a webcam?

How to get around it: Target the professional footballers who are blissfully unaware of the internet. At last count, that was about 95 per cent of them.
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Season Highlight: Sezgin Özhan

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This week we’ll be asking all our boy bloggers what stood out as their favourite, most ridiculous moment of the season. 

This one from Daryl at The Offside is hardly a surprise:

“It’s immature and it’s wrong, but German amateur Sezgin Özhan flashing his man parts during the team photo made me laugh.

(As did the comment from Juliet (10th one down). To this day I’m still not sure whether she meant that as a joke or not.)”

Hee.

Link: German Footballer Shows His…

WAGs We Love: Abbey Clancy

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“…as much as I admire Posh for being the WAG by which all other WAGs are judged, my favorite has to be Abbey Clancy.  When I look at her, I sigh and little cartoon hearts come out of my mouth.“
Matt from With Leather

“…because I know for a fact that I’m better looking and a better dancer than Peter Crouch.“
Brooks from Dirty Tackle