Goalkeepers, be warned. Stay on your line when England’s Ellen White is around. Image: Reuters/Daylife
Right. Before you lot start having panic attacks that we’ve got distracted by a passing cake lorry and forgotten to cover the Copa America again, fear not. Today we shall supply you with not one, but two Midweek Results posts; one covering the Women’s World Cup (this one) and one covering the Copa America (hitting your screens later).
We know. Sometimes our diligence and attention to detail is frightening.
Roque! We missed you, baby! Image: REUTERS/Jorge Adorno/Daylife
For some, Independence Day is an opportunity to contemplate the signing of the Declaration of Independence and it’s implications for citizens of the globe. For Kickette staff, it is an opportunity to not do any work. All day. You might think this is sheer laziness, but actually is requires quite a lot of strategic planning; we have to constantly ensure we are in an area with no wifi, broadband or cell signal, in case our Editor changes her mind and tries to round us up.
You have Weekend Results, featuring the highlights of both the Copa America and the Women’s World Cup. Treasure them. We’re not sure if anything else (apart from empty bottles) will make it out of here today.
Competition for the inaugral ‘Bish, Please’ awards sponsored by Zlatan Ibrahimovic is already underway in the England camp. Image: Reuters/Daylife.
We confess to being quite startled at the huge response our query regarding coverage of the Women’s World Cup received. We must warn you that while we are thrilled to bring you our take on the competition, this is precisely the type of behaviour that tends to upset people who prefer to believe that the Kickette Army’s interest in football extends only as far as the number of naked torsos we can drool over in ninety minutes. Should you encounter any such idiocy, our handy refresher course should prepare you.
Oh. And before we launch into the goings-on in Germany to date, we’d just like to advise those of you expressing concern that we would not be covering the Copa America, that our in-depth analysis will commence on Monday morning. Given our shining track record of covering important events, we’re a bit hurt that you might think we would forget a tournament of the magnitude of the Copa. When do we ever forget anything?
Notes for Friday. Stumble through the work day using a supply of coffee and sweets that results in ‘elevated mood sensitivity’. Hope colleagues don’t notice. (They do). Leave office early for ‘one quick drink’ at local bar, announcing intentions of an evening at the gym. Collapse into house several hours later wearing only one shoe and carrying someone else’s handbag. Pass out on carpet, get face burn.
Hair-we-go: It seems that Wayne Rooney’s good humour and positive attitude regarding his recent hair transplant has rubbed off. British artist Alison Jackson has created a spoof video (using a scarily accurate lookalike) of the newly hirsute one trying on a bunch of wigs. Anyone claiming not to have imagined this scenario at least once after reading this story is a liar.