Clemens Fritz. Newly single? Image via clemensfritz.com
Speculation abounds (here at least) as to the current ’status’ of former Sizzle Query entrant and all round blond bombshell Clemens Fritz. German newspaper ‘Bild’ has it that the Werder Bremen right back split up with girlfriend Millie some time in May, although their last public outing was in December last year. The couple had been together for two and a half years.
We have suspected this for some time. You see, during his relationship, Clemens was the epitome of clean cut German boy (above). While his new image is not exactly tramp-like (left), we think his rugged new look screams ‘Help me, I am in the midst of an emotional crisis. I need a lady to look after me and stroke me and help me brush my hair’.
Any volunteers out there?
Sadly, this is not the only tragic news to hit the Bundesliga this week. Apparently, Bayern Munich’s inept performances on the pitch have resulted in the team visit to Oktoberfest being cancelled. Considering the amount of preparation the boys have put in, this is a terrible shame.
Although having seen what happened last time they became involved with large quantities of liquid (left), we can’t say we’re surprised. (Getty Images/Daylife)
Yes Andy, give yourself a round of applause. (Getty Images/Zimbio)
For many months now, we’ve been voicing our objections to the lack of commitment by some players to their responsibilities. There are simply too many footballers using base layers, results and/or ridiculous rules as an excuse to keep their shirts on and deprive us of our Monday Morning man meat fix.
Above, Andy Carroll puts his fellow players to shame by demonstrating how easy it is to fulfill the criteria of a Kickette lead photo. Note how the removal of the shirt and raised clapping hands results in enhanced abs and a subtle glimpse of a scrummy hip dip. How the slightly rueful expression on his face is uniquely placed to send women rushing to St James Park in order to comfort the boy/smear him in chocolate and molest him.
Come on, boys, it’s not difficult. Make a lady happy today.
And while you’re waiting, peeps, please avail yourself of the weekend results.
Kickettes, you know how much we love it when our fave ‘ballers get their model on. It’s our happy place that exists somewhere between short tents and short queues at the local off-license.
And nothing soothes the soul (or stimulates the lulz) quite like a club catalogue. Featuring the finest collections of man-flesh from the teams in question, we’ve discovered that club merchandise books usually go in two distinct directions;
Parma’s Hernan Crespo demonstrates that ‘oldah’ does not necessarily mean ‘ovah’. Parma lost 2-0 to Fiorentina this weekend. (Getty Images/Zimbio)
While we in no way have an inflated sense of our own self-importance, we really are beginning to suspect that we at Kickette have an influence on cosmic events. Our basis for this theory?
Er… we wrote a post about how much vicarious pleasure we get from footie upsets, and we are supplied with a weekend of them. You buying that? Yep, we know it’s tenuous but we’re hungover, knackered and desperate for good news.
But we’d be derelict in our duty to you if we didn’t attempt to exploit this potentially advantageous cosmic event. So while you read our rockin’ results round up, we’ll spend the next three hours writing poetic tracts about footballers arriving at the Kickette office in various states of undress.
We’ll let you know what happens.