We’ll take Apoel in Group G, please. No, not to win. To take home with us.
Just before you start firing off missives to us about how we promised not to ever cover this proper football news stuff, please note the following: the terms of our geek adoption scheme requires us to release the two crazies occupying the Mayhem & Fruit Beverages Suite for exercise at unannounced times.
Mou contemplates the reality of losing a ‘tiny little trophy’. Images: Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images.
Right, people. A little cautionary note. We know you’re all foaming at the mouth and twitchy of the fingers after last night’s er… match, which we are thrilled about. We love it when you take part, and your comments form a huge n’ hoppin’ part of our site.
But. We will be watching you like remarkably well-dressed hawks. Play nicely, or find yourself in a virtual headlock courtesy of our comments moderator. She hasn’t been fed for three days in anticipation of this event and is quite frankly ready to ban if you so much as think about being rude to someone cuz you don’t support their club.
Eric Abidal lifts the Champions League trophy for Barcelona. Image: AP Photo/Daylife.
This is it, people. The final results post before summer kicks in and a Kickette staffer’s thoughts turn to tanned torsos, embarrassing holiday snaps and drunken snoozling on the beach.
Revel in every glorious moment of it.
He’s spotted a soldier-girl in the press conference. She’s got scissors. Images: Getty Images/AP Photo/Daylife
A little post-Champions League perving for you on this fine Friday afternoon, Kickettes. Please join us.
Atsuto Uchida and Darron Gibson compete for a place in the Thursday Thigh Off. Darron edges it here for us, but we’ll be keeping a close eye on Atsuto for you. Images: AP Photo/Getty Images/Daylife.
That’s it then. Formalities over, we now have the teams who will be lining up at Wembley on May 28th for the Champions League Final. Barcelona, who qualified on Tuesday night via a 3-1 aggregate win over Real Madrid, will face Manchester United, who strolled past Schalke last night with an aggregate score of 6-1. Kudos boys.
For neutrals and die-hards alike, this is a fixture to prepare for. We have already placed our orders for supplies to see us through the build-up (white wine, cookies and stress balls), the match itself (flaming sambucas, hotdogs, a TV with decent “zoom” and “pause” capabilities) and post match analysis (green tea, dry toast, a darkened room), so Kickette readers can be assured that our coverage will be second to none.**
For now, tell us what you will be doing on the day. We’ll use the time to work out how we’re going to keep all this booze safe for the best part of three weeks and stop the interns stealing it. They’re like that, y’know.
**Okay, so most websites won’t wait 36 hours to publish their postmortem, and will definitely include some level of tactical analysis. But they won’t have superior shots of the players’ short tents, now will they?!