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Category: Cristiano


Weekend Results: Not. Good.

Gaaargh. How do we even begin to describe how the news from Milan of David Beckham’s Achilles injury has left us feeling? Curtains are drawn, two (okay, three) tubs of Ben and Jerry’s have been devoured, and Kleenex supplies are in desperate need of a refill. Teary and sleepless, we spent the night wishing for a fairy godmother to wave her wand and bring Becks to the ball South Africa.

We all know football can be a cruel game, but when it shatters the dreams of an Armani-modeling, free-kicking legend we have some serious issues with it. And we know how it feels to have our dreams torn up and thrown in our face; we still haven’t recovered from seeing Fabio Cannavaro make an honest woman out of Daniela.

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Lazy Links & Randoms

Before we kick off the weekend ritual of dressing up, going out and leaving our handbags in random bars, we thought we’d give you the skinny on the latest footy news. Aren’t we just lovely?


First up, raise a glass to Chelsea’s Didier Drogba who celebrated his 32nd birthday yesterday, and also won the title of African Footballer of the Year. He’s also good with numbers. FYI, Didi was born in 1978, the Chinese year of the horse. In totally unrelated news, here’s a photo. Ahem.

Continuing our recently developing and entirely undesirable theme of the aesthetically challenging ‘baller, we are amused to report that Hull City’s Phil Brown has been forced to apologise to a group of pensioners after they witnessed a fight between his players during training. It’s unclear whether the ladies were upset about the fighting or caught a glimpse of Jimmy Bullard.

The Ramos Nipple Tweak â„¢ went down a storm last week and we are pleased, nay thrilled, to offer these further images. There’s cheek. Ramos cheek. Seriously.

To celebrate Mother’s Day (yes, we only just remembered too), the Daily Mirror has put together a list of Football’s Ten Most Important Mothers. If your mascara doesn’t do the slidey slide when you watch the montage of clips featuring Frankie Lampard & late mum Pat, you are inhuman. *Sniffle.*

Sadly, it looks like the real reason Cristiano Ronaldo canceled Thursday’s Socceraid pro event has come to light: the death of his cousin, Amílcar Miguel Dos Santos Fernandes, who was killed in a car accident. Our deepest condolences to the family.

Photo Call: Cristiano Ronaldo at Nike Innovation

Okay, so Nike may have decided that none of the 300-odd persons invited to their big Innovation event in London should be female bloggers, but that’s fine.

Because, as our readers know first hand, there are no women anywhere in the world remotely interested in football product launches or getting our behind the scenes news on the Nike players. Cough.

The reason why it’s all good in the hood, though, is down to the fantabulous Chris Toy of Studs Up . He has come to our emotional rescue, Kickettes.

Late last night, Chris took the time to send us an email with Cristiano Ronaldo’s bottom. Just for you, dear readers. He cares. Unfortunately, he seemed to think we wanted a photo of C-Ron’s behind when it’s wearing clothes. But baby steps. Baby steps.

Cris is in London to launch some sort of new whooseywotsits that none of our audience could possibly be interested in, so we’ll skip that part, yeah?

The Friday Fit: Cristiano Ronaldo

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Thanks KMS!

Cristiano Ronaldo: Close Birthday Encounters of the Cougar Kind?

Image via Reuters

Cristiano celebrated his birthday (last Friday) in two parts, beginning by attending an event at the Santiago Bernabeu to help promote sports among the Madrid immigrant and elder populations. He also reportedly held a private dinner at his new Madrid digs and shared the bromantic guest of honor spotlight with Kaka.

Now that we made reference of some news let’s get to the nitty gritty: his approach to smooching. The woman/cougar in question? Someone we can’t be bothered to google. (It is Monday, after all). But we’re still going to judge him for his lean-in. We think it needs work.

Specifically, we’re not impressed with the “lean in for the kill”, closed-eye pucker up. Surely he should be eyes open, cheek forward?

Of course, our first kiss fantasies with Cris always involve him shirtless, so perhaps that’s half the problem right there. Or maybe it’s just good old fashioned jealousy.

Happy belated, Cristiano! Hope you had a wonderful weekend filled with cougars, manbags and Gucci gift cards!

Random: C-Ron was voted second sexiest sportsman in Portgual. What the?

Caption Fantastic: Real Madrid Talk Fragrance

Fantabulous captioning via @728percentwater

Sometimes, all it takes to lift your mood is an immature LOLcats style footballer fragrance joke. This has tremendously improved our day.

Kickette Catch-Up: Weekend Cheat Sheet

A huge congratulations to the Egyptian National team – they won their third consecutive African Nations cup this weekend. Image via Zimbio.

Saturday

- The Spanish female population has spoken and a majority of them believe Beckham’s Armani ads were sexier than Ronaldo’s. Of course, while Beckham’s bulge was seriously impressive, Crissy’s hip dips are second to none.

- On another Beckham note, Barca ‘Toons will be shaking in their animated boots once David’s comicbook character makes his debut.

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Cristiano Ronaldo: Style Commentary

Image via Splash

Cristiano Ronaldo, how you do keep us on our toes.

This photo of you in your tight white cotton-blend got us very excited. We felt the full F5 love we once had in spades for you return swift and true.

Oh, how we have missed claiming you as one of our imaginary life and lust partners. (Though if we were playing stylist, we would suggest ditching the Eurotrash rat-tail situ on your head.)

But let’s stay positive. We’re not even bothered by the mid-stride ball check. Go ‘head.

And then.

Cruel, photographic fashion crime documentation in the form of this image. You, exiting a Madrid restaurant after a dinner date with Real Madrid gaffer, Mr. Pellegrini (not pictured).

The cut of the denim. The patent detailing on the shoes. We can’t deal. We just won’t.

We still believe you can turn things around, baby. We eagerly await your next move. Hopefully, something along these lines.