'Cristiano' Category

Midweek Results: Whoops, Butterfingers!

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Thank you, Sergio ‘butterfingers’ Ramos. We have spent the last couple of days issuing threats of casual violence to our interns in order to have some Midweek Results for our beloved readers, and you have just ensured they won’t bother reading any of it.

Oh well. Life in the Kickette office is brutal at the best of times. Admittedly, not quite as brutal as being dropped from a great height and then run over by a bus, but pretty harsh nonetheless.

Hmm. There’s a thought.

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Cristiano Ronaldo: Dubious Doorman

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Real Madrid star without girlfriend Irina Shayk

Image: QueMeDices.diezminutos.es.

Cristiano Ronaldo, playing hide-and-go-seek behind a restaurant’s door, was seen out in Madrid without girlfriend Irina Shayk recently.

It’s not news, but if nothing else, this picture forces us to be brutally honest about what we value. Which is C-Ron’s abs.

Good Week/Bad Week: Cow Hides & Car Rides

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Irina offers a nod to eighties soft rock with this ensemble. Who knew? Image: Getty Images/Zimbio

Welcome once again to Good Week/Bad Week, where we share some of the stories that we have been enjoying in lieu of doing any proper work.

GOOD WEEK

Leather Look: Cristiano Ronaldo’s lady love Irina Shayk debuted a rather fetching leather jumpsuit (top) at the New York premiere of ‘Hanna’ on Wednesday night. We have placed this news item in our ‘Good Week’ section as we are feeling unusually charitable. Readers interested in her ‘innovative’ approach to fashion should take a look at this, courtesy of our friends at Kickette Style.

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Cristiano Ronaldo: Tourism Titan?

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Lately, when it comes to Cristiano Ronaldo, we feel like we’ve been watching the longest episode of Punk’d ever made. We’ve never wanted to mase Ashton Kutcher as bad as we do now.

Low and behold the latest rancid rose to be shat from Ronaldo’s blingtastic bowels: a luxury hotel and golf course bearing his name.  Just last week, Gucci’s primary source of revenue went to Porto Santo, Portugal (via private jet, natch) to check up on his minions and see how lavishly they’ve been spending his initial €50 – 70 million island investment. On his way out, he grabbed a bag of sand to take back home to Madrid, since local folklore insists that sand has superior, shiny black suit healing powers.

So, Kickettes, if we get a good group travel rate and throw in free furry handcuffs for all, are you for or against crashing the CR7 hotel’s opening night party with us?

Real Madrid: The Soap Opera

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Telenovelas are peanuts compared to our made-for-Real Madrid-TV movie. This post is brought to you by the brilliant captions from the April 2011 UK edition of FourFourTwo magazine and our other hypothetical take on Footballers in Film.

‘Paranoia. Backstabbing. War. The dark secrets of a divided club. And why Jose has six weeks to save his skin.’

Jose (left) is suffering. He has been struck down after an allergic reaction to the Real Madrid standard issue tanning cream and his body is now is covered in large, weeping pustules.

At the moment, only the Real Madrid staff know about the pustules, but this could change as the club doctor is convinced it is only a matter of time before they spread to his face.

Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

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