Image: Bauer Griffin.
Oh, sweet Irina Shayk. A transparent lace top mixed with mesh leggings and fishnet shoeties is a bigger exploitation of life’s prejudices than all the times we’ve witnessed your pretty face locking lips with Cristiano Ronaldo (at left, this past Saturday in the VIP section of the Bernabéu. Eat crow, nosebleed seat sitters). Your body, as tightly packed and seemingly baby-free as ever, doth protest too little, we think.
All misguided “fashion” malfunctions considered, Irina did have a rather rough and tumble weekend – starting with that run-in with the Spanish paparazzi after her XTi promo event in Madrid – and ending with the second coming of Whatsherface.
That’s right, Kickettes: bish is back! Don’t act surprised; Nereida Gallardo knows that standing in the shadow of Cristiano’s current love is for bottom-feeding chumps and not superheroes like herself.
After all, this woman once made a mint with her nipples and night club nagging. Obviously, she was the most capable candidate with a bankrupt credibility account to effectively call out Irina’s career capitalisation of Crissy’s fame and fortune. In turn, Nereida urged her former flame to ‘be careful’ and not give up hope on finding a streak-free sunless tan/true love.
Let the good times roll.
Images: Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images North America.
First Cristiano Ronaldo and Irina Shayk are said to be engaged, then they aren’t. Rumours also alluded to an impending pregnancy, until she showed up to the Cinema Society & Tommy Hilfiger screening in NYC looking fit as ever.
During the usual pap photo dance she dodged questions about Crissy, any bun in her oven or if she’s developed hand cramps from carrying around a massive sparkler. For that we say ‘go girl’, as her obvious flash of ringless fingers means we’ll just have to keep guessing.
Unfortunately, the definitive answer department ran out of our sizes – again. Why don’t you all get to discussing amongst yourselves and flag us down once the stock room gets its act together, k?
We got big thangs poppin’ for this weekend (i.e. clothing sale insurgency) Kickettes, but before we bid adieu, let’s run through this week’s karmic winners and losers.
- Gucci: There are worse clothes horses. Cristiano Ronaldo was seen strolling around the streets of New York this week sporting what could amount to an entire collection. By himself. And they don’t even pay him to be a walking advertisement. Cha-ching!
- Martin Kelly: The only English player on a list of sixty chosen by the cream of European journalists for January’s best of the month. A bonus biscuit for those who can name the club he plays for.
- Fallacy Fighters: Javier “Chicharito” Hernández responded to BBC Top Gear presenters’ ‘gag’ about Mexican people in a mature, grown up manner, that belies his choochy face; Frank Lampard set the record straight about Christine Bleakley’s work ethic, and denied that his girlfriend ever ‘had it easy’ growing up.
Looks like Irina Shayk’s hot arse has scored the Sports Illustrated 2011
Swimsuit Issue cover. (Image via @grantwahl)
Regardless of what you may think of Cristiano Ronaldo’s hot chick ‘o the day, there’s no denying this is a major coup for her – and a major inspiration for those of the toned and tanned who dream of riding on the coattails of their rich, famous and well-gelled other halves. Well played, chica.
FYI, this is the billboard (left) that was revealed on the David Letterman show late Monday evening. Enjoy the low res long-distance camera phone glory, Kickettes. Let’s all raise our glasses of pink, post-Valentine’s chocolate-binging Pepto Bismol in IS’s honour. Congrats!
Which weekend stories do you need to know about? Find ‘em in our attempt to topline the past two days’ news in two sentence or less.
- In a new advert for the Renault Clio car, NY Red Bulls’ footballer Thierry Henry spied on burlesque babe Dita Von Teese as she took her clothes off. He works hard for the money, we see.
- We told you as soon as our toast was digested about The Sun‘s exclusive story about The Beckhams having a baby girl. Vicky’s keeping mum on the news, but we’re still planning Little Lady Beckham’s potential play dates anyway.
- Marco Materazzi told the hosts of Chiambretti Night that he’s really a nice guy, and hardly a “bad boy” as the Italian press has long wanted us to believe.