After catching wind of Sara (Pastasauce) Carbonero’s latest drama-rama, we had an “EUREKA!” moment: this girl is giving us way-too-premature deep wrinkles, which will eventually require heavy lifting of our credit limits by way of expensive fillers.
No fun zone.
Therefore, we’re giving the Iker’s main squeeze her own “gone fishing” reprieve from Kickette – just in time for her 27th birthday! Really, it’s the only sure-fire way our staff can stave off the stabbie bouts of blogger burnout.
Since a GMG like herself can’t just vanish from plain sight, we’ve decided to give her an all-expenses-paid, luxurious camping getaway to any warm-weathered, non-football-participating country of her choice.
Ya know, we hear Greenland is beeeaauuutiful this time of year.
From the family who firmly believes in the power of yellow leather, white cowboy boots and stretchy fabrics – sometimes all at once - we bring you more utterly confusing details about CR JR!
And because we’re growing weary of this story and its “facts”, we bring you our 60-seconds-or-less synopsis of it all!
- Speaking with Nova Gente, Crissy’s sissy Katia insisted his son only has two parents: Cristiano by DNA, Grandma Dolores by burden.
- Although she did consider the tot’s birth Mum to be “dead”, the pub has come to her defense by explaining she meant “dead” in a figurative sense. NG blame the British media (The Sun, to be specific) for yet another translation FAIL: “the international press forgot to read the entire article”.
- Katia did manage to give two truths: her family knows the birth Mum’s identity, and she ain’t that British student as The Mirror exclusively claimed in early January.
- She also defended Ronny’s Maldives getaway with his Shaykweight on Christmas; the footballer was with the child before & after the holiday and that’s all that matters. To Katia, at least.
Images: Antenna3 via Glamour.es. Thanks L!
Oh, looky! Aitor Ocio and his stellar abs (and bad denim) are featured in a new Glamour ES interview. What do you need to know? Aitor is a self-confessed flirt. That’s the basic gist. He also talks about his ex, Lara Sanchez and their daughter. If you don’t live near an internationally-stocked newsagent, we suggest you book a flight abroad and pick up a copy. Your boss/professor/partner/parents will understand.
What other gossip and newsworthy items occurred this weekend? READ MORE
If there’s one thing you can say about Cristiano Ronaldo, it’s that he’s full of surprises. (You can, without serious threat of legal action, also claim that he’s overtanned and buff beyond measure, but that’s too easy for us). We’re thinking more about the baby thing. Ooh, and the rumours regarding his peen. (Image via tumblr)
We’re really thinking about that, actually.
But despite his cavalier attitude to reproduction and bronzer application, we know for a fact that if there’s an innovative new movement in football, we can rely on Crispy to be at the forefront, ready to offer his own ‘unique’ spin on things.
Remember ‘Faceballs‘? Yup. He got it covered.
Image: FILIPPO MONTEFORTE/AFP/Getty Images. Thx for the spot, A!
Kickettes, do tell: are you familiar with the popular drinking game, ‘Never Have I Ever’?
Yeah, us neither.
But we’ve heard that it’s a good, drunken time, with folks learning more than their fair share of all-too-specific details about fellow party pals’ personal habits.
So we’ve heard.
Completely unrelated: That rumour about us, a suitcase full of Prada and several cute Italian immigration officers in Milan are completely false, btw.
By now you know that our brightest blogging moments are heavily inspired by alcohol. Well, with the help of mimosas this morning, comes the Kickette reincarnation of the aforementioned anti-sobriety game. We’re asking* a host of the superfamoose to answer the question, Have you ever?
Not impressed? That’s okay, you’re probably correct in feeling a tad irritated about the lack of milk and coffee at our disposal this AM, paired with this cleverly-disguised link dump.
But Daniele De Rossi is partially nude, and this begs a few visually informative answers.
*Ed Note: we’re using the term ‘asking’ here loosely, natch.