'Cristiano' Category

Cristiano Ronaldo: Would You Buy A Watch From These Jazz Hands?

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Well, this is a lesson for those who throw money at footballers to shill their products. Don’t make them wear clothes, as it takes them out of their comfort zone and they end up posing like this. Jazz hands meets the chicken dance with a side of pre-bitch slap positioning.

Actually, we shouldn’t blame Cris. Hell no. Boy is hot. And it’s not his fault the art director told him to assume a baby-holding position. (Lord knows he hasn’t a clue how to do that.) No, we can’t hold this digitally enhanced rain avec warm sunset glow shot on CR. We’ve seen his modeling before, remember? The clothes must take responsibility. His best-in-the-biz body must never be covered.

Yes. Let’s put it on the clothes.

Except for the one flaw in this justification:

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Champions League Results: Hat Tricks & Home Boys

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Gareth Bale & Javier Zanetti kindly assume the position for the Thigh Off. (Getty Images/Daylife)

A future candidate for the famed Kickette Sizzle Query, Gareth Bale is no stranger to confounding footballing opinion. Last night, Bale, who played in twenty four games for Spurs without being on the winning side, scored a hat trick to drag his team back from 4-0 down against title holders Inter Milan at the San Siro.

Bale is now the subject of fevered transfer speculation. However, our sources close to the player say he is completely focussed on the Kickette readers verdict on his er… performance. Don’t let him down, team.

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Cristiano Ronaldo: Sad But True

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‘Yup, you have the prettiest face, the Armani contract and the gorgeous model girlfriend. But he’s still going to be earning more money than you.’ Jose Mourinho touches a nerve as news breaks of Wayne Rooney’s decision to leave Old Trafford. (Getty Images/Daylife)

Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

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Noemie Lenoir was in the VIP room at the Fendi party in Paris this weekend. Pssht. Whatevs. We sooo could have been there if we wanted to be. Here’s a round up of what went down this weekend.

Saturday

- Celebrity hairstylist, Philip B., spent some time fluffing Nagore Aramburu‘s lush locks.

- We thanked our lucky stars that were not mates with Abbey Clancy, since we learned she’s imposed an anti-liquor ban on her hen party guests. No fun zone.

- Gerard Pique rolled around shirtless solely for the purpose of our enjoyment. Trust this is true, no matter what Time Force tells you.

- Old news to some, but hearing this eclectic mix of footballers rapping had our stomachs in stitches all weekend long. The best one because it’s not-so-secretly-bad? Mesut Ozil.

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Cristiano Ronaldo: Gorgeous In Grey

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Oh, Cris. Sometimes you really just look so lovely. Image copyright whosay.com

If you can peel your eyes away from the way Cristiano Ronaldo’s sweater is gently caressing his billion-euro biceps, might we suggest checking out the first photo of Cris Jr?