'Cristiano' Category

Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

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EPL Wag Van der Vaart

What went down this weekend goss-wise that you need to know about? Let’s take a keen look, as directed by Sylvie. Image: Facebook.

Saturday

Rafael van der Vaart's WAG- Prior to the weekend kicking off in grand, drunken fashion, Sylvie van der Vaart played it smart by showing off new shots from her campaign for Gillette razors. And when we say, “played it smart”, we’re referring to the shirtless male she’s posing with. (Ed Note: more stylish snaps of non-shilling Sylvie can be seen here).

- Argentinian glamour girl, Luciana Salazar, stripped down to share her side of the Iker story. For those not willing to tamper with their 20/20 vision, Salazar denied tabloid that she got her fugly paws on this hot piece of Mancandy.

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Weekend Results: Good For You?

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This was insufficient to inspire Roma to a win. Hard to believe, really, isn’t it? Image: Getty Images/Daylife

Painful injuries, hysterical, uncontrolled celebrations, a dash of emergency thigh massage and some cheeky tongue waggling. A typical night out with the Kickette crew, perhaps ? Well, that’s for us to know and our lawyers to worry about.

Meanwhile, why don’t you join us for our regular Monday roundup of all the exciting European results? Ahem.

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Full Length Product Shill: Cristiano Ronaldo for Armani Jeans

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Since this just wasn’t enough, here’s the full version. Also, he has new hair. Pass the popcorn.

Cristiano Ronaldo: How To Best Market This Man

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At the launch of his new ad campaign for  Time Force watches, Cristiano Ronaldo mishears the instruction to ‘watch the clock’. Too far? We can’t help it, it’s how we roll. Image: Bauer Griffin via Zimbio.

We do so love a Cristiano Ronaldo product shill. Nine times out of ten it involves him in a bed or half nekkid. The Timeforce watch advert involves both. Click to view, and then weigh in on this “artsy cum Gianni Versace mansion” style promo.

Our take: few footballers have the bod and ‘tude of Mr. Ronaldo: why try to make him avant garde and unusual? He’s not someone we need to spend hours with analysing layers. He’s someone we need to spend hours with… getting intimately acquainted with his left hip dip.

For shame, marketers. In this economic environment, doing anything other than showing Cris in his pants is a pointless waste of resources that could be spent on body oil.

Further proof: Take it from Armani, who knows how to work with his subjects. (Warning, don’t watch this video if you need to get any work done today.)

WAGs In Mags: Ilary, Irina, Abigail & Noemie

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Francesco Totti’s lady love Ilary Blasi in Vanity Fair. And ours too, if we’re honest. Images via style.it

You’ve only really made it as a WAG when you’ve hit the cover of a glossy.

Whether your boy is a non-league no mark or Ballon D’or Booty, serious kudos is to be gained from throwing down some good lookin’ shapes in a studio. We should know, we’ve been practicing for years.

And so, we find ourselves veering uncontrollably between proud tears and petulant outbursts as we check out Cristiano Ronaldo’s squeeze Irina Shayak smouldering in GQ and Noemie Lenoir (Claude Makelele, sort of) for Love Magazine and Abbey Clancy (Peter Crouch, sort of) vamping it up in Vogue Russia.

Ladies, we salute you. You’re so damn pose-worthy and we approve.

But a note of caution, Kickettes. WAGdom might appear to be the glamorous life we are all dreaming of leading but weirdly only one of these ladies is currently able to make the most of her moment. Whether their men are paying for company (Abi Clancy), babies (Irina), or sadly, medical treatment (Noemie Lenoir), life with a footballer isn’t necessarily everything it’s cracked up to be.

As for you, Ilary Blasi, you’ve single-handedly rendered Italian Vanity Fair unreadable with your hotness and marital stability. We should hate you. But dammit, woman, we just want to be you.