Kickette.com – Soccer/football gossip, hot players, WAGs that love them

Cristiano Ronaldo Has A New WAG

Images via profimedia.cz, Crystal pictures

They’re walking in tight trousers, he’s giving her a wedgie/lift out of the water…is this true love?

As we first reported yesterday, Cristiano Ronaldo has a new WAG in tow. Even with her bum and boobies hanging out, she already seems leaps and bounds above his former string of famewhores and fuglies.

And, now we know with picture proof that the Portuguese team captain/manbag aficionado and model Irina Shayk spent their three-day break both on and off their luxury yacht, Olialia, in Corsica. Apparently they also partook in couples’ massages. We’ve no confirmation about whether they chose “relaxing” aromatherapy oils or “stimulating” ones, but we can guess.

Most importantly: the boy loves water and it loves him right back.

Cristiano Ronaldo: Armani Upgrade?

What do Cristiano Ronaldo and Irina Shayk have in common, aside from their lucrative Armani contracts? They’ve (most likely) seen the inner workings of each others’ said designer delicates.

Word is traveling fast that Ronaldo has “dumped” Kim Kardashian’s derriere and was seen cavorting around Corsica with a Russian model last weekend. Airquotes are necessary since we do not sincerely believe Kim K. and C-ron were ever doing anything more than a horizontal shimmy. Plus, she slyly admitted last week that Ronaldo’s “a good guy” and “a good friend”.  To us, this is a stretch of her imagination.

So, what’s there to know about this hook-up? For starters, Irina tweeted about a trip to Italy on the 17th of May, which has given the ever-reliable Spanish press enough hearsay to claim Shayk’s identity with grainy picture certainty. Adding more fuel to the fire, three days later Ronaldo took a private helicopter from an undisclosed locale to join up with his national teammates in Portugal. Even Sherlock wouldn’t know what to make of this.

READ MORE

Kickette Catch Up: Weekend Gossip Cheat Sheet

Marco Borriello and Andrea Pirlo arrive for Italian National team training; they’re plaid and they’re fabulous.

–

- Australian gossip rag Famous alleges that a UK newspaper is investigating stories from three WAGabees who are claiming to have hooked up with David Beckham. Meep!

- Fernando Torres brought baby Nora to Paza del Monasterio de Aciveiro for her christening. Wife Olalla brought some bad-arse Louboutins and an excellent bitchface.

- Cheryl Cole rolled up in Cannes for the Outside of the Law premiere and looked fantabulous in her white Versace bandage dress. Rumours (aka completely fabricated for reasons we don’t care enough to figure out) continue to swirl about Chezza and Will.i.am being an item.

- Christine Bleakley went to the British Academy Television Craft Awards. Nope, we’ve no idea either. What do you think of her “high fash” dress?

- Like we didn’t already know Sammy Eto’o is ballin’, big boy style. He’s just bought a 10,000+sq ft, €17 million house in Milan’s absolutely-most-exclusive-designer-shopping-on-your-doorstep neighbourhood.

Photocrashers: Get Out Of My Dreams And Into My Photoshop Software

There are many terrible things happening in the world today, Kickettes. Split ends. Broken heels. The cancellation of Ladies Night at our local bar. It’s an endless tale of pain and suffering.

Yet, we are never victims of our own hot ‘baller browsing guilt. There is no simpler pleasure than allowing ones eyes to roam unflinchingly across a fresh hunk of hot manflesh. Oh yessiree. But then fate sees fit to pee in our pool. Again.

You see this photo above? Victor Valdes. Near a gate. So far, so comforting. But there’s a small problem. No disrespect to Andres Iniesta, as a footballer and as a man we admire and love you, but ya mind steppin’ aside? You are spoiling the smoke show.

We tend to relieve the pressures of our daily lives with a bit of honest and intense objectification of men. However, this simple pleasure has often been ruined by a pesky detail or imperfect human. On that note, we’ve had a little trawl and come up with a few other irritations for your consideration. Consider this an Ode to Photocrashers.

READ MORE

Lazy Links & Randoms

So the midweek slump is a day late, but has now arrived and is currently residing in the Kickette stationary drawer. We’re tired and emotional, people. So sit back, relax and navigate these fun stories by people who aren’t lazy asses. Today, they do the work. So we don’t have to.

- First up, since we’ve not yet hit our limit on cute footballer kids, here’s Blackburn’s Paul Robinson with Lucy and Jack, and team-mate Christopher Samba with his wee son. Extra points to baby for not being scared of the mascot. Those things freak us out more than clowns. *shudder*

- Now onto a message to the England NT. Pay attention, please. There’s a major tourney coming up and your record isn’t great in this area. But at least you won’t go hungry.

- Okay, enough with the sarcasm. We are SOOOO excited.

- Not enough pretty for you yet? Agreed. Check out the German NT team. Nummy!

- Tottenham Hotspur’s Luka Modric got married. Our in house translator has advised us that the couple arrived dressed down and changed at the registry office and had chocolate cake for dessert. More piccies here although sadly, none of the cake. But  what better start could a couple hope for? Congrats, kids!

- We don’t even care if this story from the Sun isn’t true. It’s bloomin EPIC. If you’re considering not bothering to click, it involves Cristiano Ronaldo’s baby makin parts. M’kay?

- Our fave fashion females, The Fug Girls, have assessed the tragic breakdown of Cheryl Cole’s concert costumes.

- In case you’ve forgotten, maybe due to burnout or excessive inhalation of nail varnish, Dimi Berbatov IS The Continental.

- In what we imagine to be totally pointless attempt to escape speculation re: their relationship and get their tanning in early this year (due to the World Cup), Steven and Alex Gerrard have gone on holiday.

- Our second favourite pretty poppet Carlos Tevez (second only to Jimmy Bullard in the hawt stakes) picked up two honours at the Manchester City Awards. Congrats, CT!

- Need a reminder why you love the EPL? Look no further.

- Or Bojan? Mmmmm, puppy.