'Cristiano' Category

Good Week/Bad Week: Models and Music


Yoann Gourcuff

Yoann Gourcuff visits a children’s hospital in Ploemeur (good) but his leather jacket looks like pleather (bad). But he’s hot. Thus, his placement within the good week section.


Bitchfaces and cut-eyes
King of the side-eye, David Villa brought a new twist to his usual gaze of steel: the condescending shoulder tap. Poor Iker doesn’t stand a chance. Even more impressive is this cold steel look of utter (sexy) disgust given by Roy Keane when asked a question he very clearly doesn’t like. Delicious.

Nicolas Anelka decides his thighs need extra ventilation. Who are we to argue?

New England Revolution’s Taylor Twellman poses for his Cosmopolitan magazine Bachelor of the Year segment; Luca Toni shows some clothes with his gal Marta (why does she look like she’s been to Nicole Kidman’s derm?) and Cristiano Ronaldo is rumoured to be taking over from David Beckham as the new face of Armani. (Really? Gucci would make more sense, no? We’ll believe this one when we see it.)


Product Shill: Cristiano Ronaldo Sings for BES


YouTube Preview Image

What do you need to know before you click play?

Cristiano is wearing under armour (what the hell?) and sings – yes, sings – for about 3 seconds in this commercial for the Portuguese bank BES.

Link: Making of video

Thanks C9!

Golden Rule: Cristiano Ronaldo



We’re eager to offer kit-dropping assistance – there’s no doubt about that. The question is: what would he “do unto us” in return? Would we need to forewarn Boots and other local chemists to stock up on penicillin first? Even so: totally worth it.

See also: Ibrahimovic’s Golden Rule

Lazy Links & Randoms


Sylvie van der VaartSylvie van der Vaart continues her reign as Football Barbie at the Pink Ribbon gala in Amsterdam. Image via Mokkels.

Dasha Zhukova’s baby bump is out and proud. This will be Roman Abramovich’s sixth child, her first.

Marco Borriello runs into his ex, Belen and gets into a fight with her new man. Then his house gets robbed. Bad day?

Because every English-speaking Serie A lover needs a Calcio dictionary.

Sir Alex Ferguson: he’s not just a manager, he’s also a wedding advisor. Go on, Jonny!

Cristiano Ronaldo cursed by a wizard? Or Nereida finally got that eye of newt she was looking for?

Borussia Dortmund keeper attacked whilst eating salad. Say what?

Warning: this photo of David Beckham will cause you to require Viagra if you want to lust over him again.

Roma’s new stadium has a bad-ass presentation video.

Cristiano Ronaldo: Everyone Wants a Piece


Cristiano Ronaldo
It would seem that perhaps whatsherface Gallardo isn’t quite so crazy/stalktastic as we may have thought.

We all know Cristiano’s insane talent, dedication to removing his shirt after matches (whilst shunning the evil that are base layers) and extensive man bag collection make him pretty damn hard to resist.

It’s also becoming more and more apparent that no one on the Real Madrid squad can contain themselves around him.

As we reported last week, Cristiano’s affair with Kaka has been infiltrated by Sergio Ramos. Now, judging by the above photo of Iker Casillas (at the back) and his hand (in Cristiano’s hair), we have come to the obvious conclusion: Cristiano is a straight up playboy p.i.m.p.

We are most impressed. Cristiano is running this squad, bitches. Take a number, get in the queue, and wait your turn. We’re ninth (soz Benzi).