'Cristiano' Category

Cristiano Ronaldo: Unfaithful?

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Cristiano holds on tight

It happens to the best of us:

You meet someone new; they’re not like others you’ve known before.

There’s a spark. And so, it begins.

But inevitably, as in any relationship, the two of you become more comfortable around each other. You don’t make the effort you used to before. You floss in the vicinity of your partner. They… leave the bathroom door open. And most tellingly, your infamous physique begins to suffer from all those nights spent eating takeout by the telly.*

So what’s to be done?

Cristiano and SergitoHave an affair, obviously. And if you’re going to choose anyone, wouldn’t it be Sergio Ramos? He’d never force you to have long, deep conversations about life, the universe and everything. It would be all shopping and Gucci belt comparisons.

Damn you Cristiano, you’re living our dream life right now.

*We estimate Cristiano now has 4% body fat, instead of his usual 3.75%.

Lazy Links & Randoms

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Kaka does some excellent bitchfacing. Poor Cristiano is completely unaware.

Kaka has obviously been training his side-eye just as much as his quadriceps. We love a man dedicated to the bitchface cause.


Fabio Capello believes in the healing power of mud baths. And Speedos.

Thierry Henry has a friend in a t-shirt dress named Allen Iverson.

The Telegraph names their top 25 football websites.

How bad-arse is Roman Abramovich’s anti-photo yacht situ? [via UF]

Roy KeaneFootballers past and present get together to remember Sir Bobby Robson. RIP.

‘Baller bling: it’s officially official.

Michael Chopra’s tumultuous personal life has gone… to Facebook.

How cute does Artur Boruc look in this pouty pic? Love him.

Djibril Cisse and wife Jude are expecting their third child. Congrats!

Get Well Soon: Cristiano Ronaldo’s Stylist

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We just want to know why.

Image via AFP

You know, it’s as if the universe has decided he can have talent and exquisite muscle tone but a completely random/bizarre/we no likey sense of style in order to make it fair and just on the rest of humanity.

What are we on about? Cristiano’s black marquise earrings. Don’t act like you didn’t notice them.

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Kickette Vocabulary: A Lesson in ‘Baller Bitchness

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Behind Your Back Bitchface

As you may have noted, we are slightly obsessed with bitchfacin’ ballers. But what about the guys that give good no-smile face, hair and body?

There are various states of bitchassness that some may not be familiar with, so here’s a vocab lesson we should have learned in primary school.

Just like the national spelling bee (sans fainting kids, of course) we’ll provide the definitions and parts of speech. After some furious note-taking with your favourite pens and single-spaced notebooks, we’ll look to you to use this new vernacular in a sentence.

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Good Week/Bad Week: Recoveries, Reimbursement, Rows

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GOOD WEEK
Daytime Television

David Beckham showed some trendy pants + skin on the Ellen Degeneres/Guti show reminding people to always check the info guide before setting the DVR.

Icy Hot

Sergio Ramos’s tendinitis has been cured and he’s fit to return to action starting this weekend. Thank you e-cards can be sent to the staff of El Ray 2000 for their unwavering commitment to nursing Sergio’s ligaments.

Event Planners

The date’s been set for the Crouch-Clancy nuptials next year. Starting now, companies in and around London will be throwing ‘bows to get to the front of the “I’m want to orchestrate your OTT wedding and charge ridiculously outlandish rates” line. Patience is never a virtue but cash/credit/hefty payment plans just may be.

Yolanthe’s Publicist

First her man inks his arm in a cartoon figures that eerily resembles her, then she’s voted the sexiest Dutch female by FHM readers. Oh lest we forget the opportunist that is Yolanthe was papped consoling her man after his international injury. She’s 3-for-3 in the Dutch national news headlines and it’s time her publicist collects her overtime compensation.

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