'Cristiano' Category

Boys’ Night Out: Man Utd at Movida


Last week saw the Chelsea lads out getting their moderately well-behaved holiday drink on, and this Saturday night, it was Manchester United’s turn to paint the town red.

Before jetting off early on Sunday to Japan for their upcoming game against Gamba Osaka, the boys partied at baller/WAG wannabe staple Movida, knocking back thousands of pounds worth of booze in the VIP area of the club. 

As expected, there was a WAGs/randoms ban in place, though the tabloids are reporting that Jonny Evans left with an unidentified blonde. We have no further information, but can confirm the blonde was not Edwin van der Sar.  So that’s some consolation.

As you can see by the attached pics, the paparazzi went for a ‘startle and snap’ motif in their artistic approach. Don’t Nani and Gazza look thrilled by the photo op? Poor lambs. 

Click through below to see the rest of the Man Utd crew out on the town. Strangely MIA: Berbatov and dirty hot Vidic.


images courtesy of BIG Pictures/KEYSTONE Press for kickette.com

Cristiano Ronaldo: Golden Kisses, Married Women



Non-news broke over the weekend that Cristiano has been dating a married woman named Alonya Haynes. The pair were spotted out at dinner recently, and their bonding moments over text message were discovered – and made public – by Alonya’s multi-millionaire hubby. 

“There were things like ‘Do you miss me baby? I miss you’. I just assumed she was playing around with a waiter who had just arrived from Portugal. I had no idea it was him.”

Frankly, we’re thrilled that Cristiano is back to his playboy dating ways – that whole episode with whatsherface this summer took a lot out of us. And let’s not be so quick to judge Alonya’s actions. Perhaps she simply needed more abs than her husband was willing to give; is that such a crime?

Side note: this weekend an emotional Cristiano picked up his Ballon d’Or trophy and told waiting press that he was very happy at Manchester United and wanted to win many more accolates as a Red Devil. As you can see, he chose to accept his award wearing clothes. Shame on you, C-Ron. Double shame.

Link: Meet Cristiano Ronaldo’s New Ukrainian Girlfriend

Baller Exploits: Good Week/Bad Week




Big congratulations to Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo, who was awarded the Ballon D’or this morning and named 2008 European Footballer of the Year.  As you can see, C-Ron aleady has a helluvalotta trophies. They match well with his abs.

imageGenoa’s Matteo Ferrari (er, coolest name ever) and his girlfriend Aida Yespica are celebrating the arrival of their first child, a boy named Aron, born on November 27. Mum and baby are doing fine. We think it’s fairly safe to predict that this is going to be one good-looking kid. 

Side note to editorial monkeys and man-slaves: Why have we never featured this man before? Yowser.

Mercy, it’s a very good week for baller nakedness.  The Poldi-cam captures German boys in ice baths and towelling off in the change rooms. No, really. We wouldn’t kid about this sort of NSFW-ish news.

imageIt’s also a good time for goal scorers:

Wayne Rooney recently hit 100 goals for Man Utd and Alessandro Del Piero notched up 250 goals for Juventus, solidifying his legendary status in both attractiveness and prowess.



In some pretty shocking news, Roque Santa Cruz’s wife Giselle was robbed at knifepoint by thieves who made off with thousands of pounds worth of jewellery.  Their two children were also in the house at the time.  Seriously scary, but thankfully no one was hurt. —

Jermaine Pennant has also been robbed. This time, the bad guys rammed the gates of Jermaine’s mansion with their Land Rover trying to smash their way inside. Subtle, they ain’t. JP woke up and semi-chased them off with his flashlight.  This is now the 9th time a Liverpool player has been robbed in two years. WTF?—

Becks may be the hottest daddy on the block, but it’s not all smooth sailing.  It looks like he’s being roped into a bizarro brotherhood/sisterhood ceremony with Tom Cruise.  Run, David.  Run as fast as your gazillion dollar legs can carry you.—

We’ve already reported on the brilliance of Antonio Cassano’s biography. He’s got to be on the fast track to a bestseller and Booker prize with his tome of wit and madness.  But there’s more. Our latest fav quote (also avec photos of Mr. C in his skivvies) comes when he discusses his future after football: “I plan to get fat, I mean really, really fat.“ A bad week for salads and skinless chicken breasts everywhere.

Cristiano Ronaldo: Tense Through the Shoulders



image via Reuters/KEYSTONE Press

Side note: last night in the Man Utd/ Villarreal game, Cristiano was looking absolutely scrummilicious.  We’re digging our arnica cream out of the bathroom cabinet and hopping it up to Manchester to offer our recovery services.

Footballers and Feelings



Footballers aren’t just skirt-chasing stamina machines of well-toned muscle and large bank accounts, you know.

They do have softer sides. Not sure about you, but we love to see the sensitive come out in our ballers.  Here are a few recent touchy-feely moments we enjoyed hearing about:

*Cue opera aria and cut to white fluffy bunny jumping across screen*

1. Rio Ferdinand.  After Manchester United’s loss to Arsenal, the abalicious defender was on his way to see his family at a hotel for a birthday celebration.  But he was feeling so flustered about the loss he had his driver take a stop – in West Ham country, no less – and he headed into the pub for a little mental recuperation.  Says Rio:

“When you lose against Arsenal it does your head in. I was going back to meet my family in a hotel for my birthday. It was meant to be a happy time. So I thought before I go back maybe I’ll go and have a couple of drinks in a pub. I told the driver to stop off at some pub. He said, ‘I can’t let you go in there.’ I had my United tracksuit on in a West Ham area. I said ‘Nah, just drop me off.’ So he did. I could see people going ‘What’s he doing in here?’ I had a couple of drinks, three packets of crisps and sat in the corner watching the results on TV.”