'Cristiano' Category

Lazy Links & Randoms


imageBarnsley/WBA goalkeeper Luke Steele is quite nummy. We feel rather put out by the fact that we’ve only just discovered him (and his total porn star/US soap opera name).

Don’t hate, Liverpool supporters. Or, hate if you need to, but allow yourself to secretly admit to the hotness.  It’s the right thing to do.

Francesca Amber Sawyer is a former WAG on a mission.  She’s parlaying her experience dating EPL players (none of which she’ll name) into an advice book on dating stars.  And wait, that’s not all.  She’s also going to start a ‘kiss and tell’ story agency.  Kind of makes Alex Curran’s perfume launch via the prestigious OK! Magazine Parfumerie seem quite virtuous and admirable.

imageJamelia wants the death penalty brought back because the UK is going to hell in a hand-basket. 

Other random Jamelia news/thought processes: she’s signed a book deal with Orion to publish her autobiography this fall, she feels awful about what’s happening to her friend Cheryl Cole’s marriage, she’s making hubby-to-be Darren Byfield sign a pre-nup and she was in leopard print at LFW for the Julien Macdonald show.

Ian Wright’s ex wife is no fan of WAG wannabes and puts a hefty stack of blame for adulterous footie situations squarely on the shoulders of opportunistic skanks and scallywags. 

She says: “This is no different to prostitution. They’re simply ‘wannabes’. They want the sort of lifestyle they imagine a footballer’s wife to have and they don’t care what they have to do to get it.  And as much as I despise footballers who are willing to sacrifice their families for instant sexual gratification, I pity the foolish women who see it as a job to snare a footballer and then milk it for whatever they can get out of it.“

What did Cristiano Ronaldo’s £8,000 text messages say? Finally, we have closure.

B-Day: Cristiano Ronaldo


Happy belated 23rd birthday, C-Ron!


We’re raising a champagne glass to you, your money, and your muscles.  If it weren’t for many of your off-the-pitch exploits and press-assigned fake/random/numerous girlfriends, we wouldn’t be here today.  xox

Sunglasses At Night: Cristiano Ronaldo



If you were ever in any doubt about Cristiano Ronaldo’s commitment to the cause, doubt no longer.

Nope, not talking about his loyalty to Manchester United (even though his mother has been making her thoughts on a move to Real Madrid public), we’re talking about his dedication to ensuring that he stays true to his legions of female fans by gymming it up on a regular basis, getting photographed in his skivvies whilst wet and protecting us from un-cute up close and personal situations.

Let’s just get to the crux of the story here: Cristiano wears sunglasses during sex.  To keep things in context, apparently this only happens if his face is not up to par on that particular day.  Considerate, no?


Cristiano Ronaldo: Bringing Slickster Back


imageimageIt’s good to see players with a healthy dose of self-esteem.

Take our Finest Five number 3, Cristiano Ronaldo.

Here is a man with the confidence to rock a “shaddup a ya face” hairstyle that few men under the age of 45 would dare.

As debuted at the FA Cup game against Villa this weekend, here it is in all its gel-filled glory.


C-Ron is onto something: if you’re going to rock a slicked back Transylvania style barnet, the only way to do it is to act super self-assured and nonchalant whilst praying to the gods of Brycreem that you are not blinded by an errant strand of hair coated in grease.

Unfortunately, we aren’t big fans of this look, and sensing our discontent Cristiano bravely chose to made it better by taking his shirt off.  CR fans, click through. Haters, move along.


thanks jordan!

One Liners & Lazy Links


imageFrom the hell no files: Coleen McLoughlin is buying a £4k flotation tank. Also, Wayne gave her an £80,000 Range Rover for Christmas. Oh, wait, and apparently Ms McL was the highest earning WAG of 2007 – netting £15 million. In your face, peasants!

Not to be outdone, Brooklyn Beckham – who is 8 years old – got an iPhone for Christmas.

Charlotte Meares is getting one back on Danielle Lloyd, via the cult of Facebook.

Speaking of Ms Lloyd, she’s still loved up and rolling in the cash prizes from Jermain Defoe, like a £20,000 watch. Skanking it up really does pay dividends.

Steven Gerrard is stepping up security for his home after last year’s robbery. A crew of hard-ass former SAS soldiers will be guarding his family’s house from now on.

imageLatest in the Cristiano line of rumoured gal-pals/girlfriends/gold-diggers: 19 year old Carolina Patrocinio. The Portuguese media is reporting that her and Cristiano are now an item. Really? It’s over between him and whats-her-name?

Definitely one for the WTF files: David Beckham’s recent quote about his trust levels with his friends, one of them being his best mate, Gary Neville. ‘They are the three [mates] that I would trust with my wife naked,’ said the LA Galaxy star. ‘That’s how good they are as friends.’