'Cristiano' Category

Welcome to the Club: Luciana Abreu


How the course of love doth runneth so quickly.  It seems like it was just a few short weeks ago that Cristiano Ronaldo was pool-hopping with prostitutes, and now he’s in a serious relationship with Luciana Abreu, a Portuguese pop singer.  Wait – it was just a few short weeks ago.


The tabloids are reporting that Luciana and Cristiano have been dating for months.  Perhaps they don’t recall the Gemma Atkinson stories being told faster than you could say “opportunist” and “lucky cow” over the last six months.

In any case, the time has come to welcome a new WAG to the club. 

What’s the skinny on Ms. Abreu?  She’s a former Portugal Pop Idol contestant and soap/tv star, she’s twenty-two, her favourite book is the bible, she has about 80 million fan club sites set up on the net, none of which are in English, and apparently, C-Ron’s mom approves of it all.

She confessed: “She’s a lovely person – a real sweetie. I talk to her all the time and we’re often together. She’s so beautiful. I’d love to have her as my daughter-in-law.“
Dolores told a Portuguese magazine: “I’m hoping she’s not the one that gets away but you can’t tell what will happen with things of the heart.“

This is true, you never can tell what will happen with things of the heart.  Or, with things like your supposed man paying for booty.  That can always trip up the whole madly in love ‘til death do us part thing, no?

You can see Luciana in full poptastic gyrating action on the Eurovision 2006 stage here.

Oh, and if anyone can speak/read Portuguese and can give us the inside from that angle, feel free to contact our uni-lingual selves asap. For example, was this photo taken in the 1970s, during a particularly happy acid trip?

Link: Ronaldo Girl Gets Ma’s OK

The Thursday Random: Links


Random C-Ron statements:  He says he’s a gentleman.  He says he will be singing on his sister’s album.  Oh, and he thinks Angelina Jolie is hot.

Jens fans, we know you’re out there.  Weigh in please: is he really this unpopular?

We buy it in bulk every year, it’s our family tradition.  The Beckham calendar shots are out.  Cute, but… do they seem a little porn-y to you?

Speaking of, a case is presented for the benefits of the Italian league’s recent decision to allow a porn channel to broadcast Fiorentina’s first round UEFA cup match.  No, seriously. This is a good thing, apparently.

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images: splash and onyd

Photo Call: Cristiano Ronaldo, Water, Etc.


image: jpi

Really, any words we write will only take away from time spent viewing the image.

Love Cristiano or hate him Kickettes, but if you say anything bad about the bod, we’ll put a Manolo in your not-nearly-as-toned behind.

cheers michaela!


When Cristiano Met Bipasha


This weekend, whilst Gemma Atkinson and Alan Smith were busted for some potential tawdriness, Cristiano Ronaldo – Gemma’s supposed boyfriend – was also up to no good, hooking up with Bollywood star Bipasha Basu in a nightclub in Belem, Lisbon.  The two were partying together in the VIP section at the launch event for the “new” Seven Wonders of the World.

Totally random event we think we might have nixed in favour for jammies and a face mask, but hey, rampant lust wants what it wants.

Unlike the Gemma/Cristiano relationship, where any photos published of the two look severely doctored by the internet photoshop crew of right-clickers, these photos of Bipasha and C-Ron look like the real deal to us. 

Another example of the Gemma/Cristiano relationship being a fake, or an infidelity coincidence?  Your thoughts on the matter?

Link: Cristiano Ronaldo Gets Close and Personal
Link: Cristiano Ronaldo Gets Cuddly

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Hoochie City Open for Business


We continue our updates with a WAGfest of ho’s, hoochie mamas and skanks.

Two stories are out today about Cristiano Ronaldo‘s girlfriend (?), Gemma Atkinson and Danielle Lloyd (soon to be christened she-who-shall-not-be-named).

Apparently Gemma Atkinson has been getting it on behind Ronaldo’s back with fellow Man U mate, Alan Smith.  Smith would make late night booty calls to Gemma when his girlfriend Holly Worthington was away, and Gemma would sneak over to Smith’s apt.  Gemma is reportedly desperate to hang on to Ronaldo (duh) and has been trying to keep things on the hush.  She’s denied all allegations.

We say: everything we hear about this girl is a) gross b) skankalicious and c) probably a lie, so proceed with slagging her off with caution. 

As for SWSNBN, Danielle Lloyd, believe every nasty story you hear, this girl has issues.  Latest is that she has hooked up with rapper 50 Cent, who is so into her he’s going to fly her to New York and reportedly feature her in his next video: British Wannabe Ho’s R the Best Ho’s

Well, we’re not sure of the exact song title, but it will be something along those lines, we’re certain.  Some say 50’s bedding technique is frequently based on telling girls they will star in his next video.

A story is also out about Danielle admitting to a passionate affair with Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton when she was a teenager. At the time she was two-timing him with Shaun Walker, who is currently in a Spanish jail over a gangland shootout. 

Link: Ronaldo’s Girlfriend Denies Cheating
Link: Bestotted Rapper 50 Cent
Link: Lewis Went Round the Bend