'Cristiano' Category

The Friday Fit: Cristiano in Vogue Magazine


Cristiano Ronaldo and Canadian supermodel Daria Werbowy in the new US Vogue.




gemma atkinson: piss off, I’m still here


imageAfter the reports of Ms. Atkinson getting her groove on with some random soap opera “star” rather than sticking with her hottie b/f, Cristiano Ronaldo, it would seem she’s decided she wants back in the WAG club.  To the naysayers who doubt her relationship with CR, Gemma says it’s still on, they’re still dating and it’s all good – she’s even going to meet the parents at some point in the never-future.

Ronaldo has apparently told his team mates that the relationship isn’t serious and that he’s got a jones for most of the girls from Hollyoaks, the British soap opera Gemma graces our presence with 4x a week. Or more. Or possibly less, as if we’re going to check the listings for that factual information.

Since the initial flurry of activity (ie, the one night), no one has actually spotted Gemma and Cristiano together. 

We’re thinking it’s the sort of dating where after a drunken fling and a few hot and steamy text messages, party A is planning the wedding and party B is planning their next night on the tiles where they can pick up some more random B-list ass and so on.  Not that we know anything about such incidents. 

Gemma’s posted the following on her official site: “Finally, to those who have wished me luck in my new relationship, THANKYOU! I haven’t done badly there girls have I!!!!! Fingers crossed I don’t screw this one up……..“

We have no comment.

Link: Ronaldo Likes “All” HollyOaks Girls

exiting the club: Gemma Atkinson

Comments Off

Ooookay… so it’s looking like the Gemma Atkinson/Cristiano Ronaldo love-fest is over.


We’re quite sure Ms. Atkinson was very proudly bragging about this conquest in the not-so-distant past of two minutes ago, when we welcomed her to the WAG club.

At a party at Manchester’s Cotton House Club late last week, Gemma hooked up with Mark Furze, a former Australian soap star. They were seen doing some tonsil hockey in the back of a cab on the way home.

If you’re a prude you may not want to read the next bit: he had his hand on her bottom.


The same night as the bottom-touching events in question, Cristiano was hanging out at the Kylie Minogue concert. We could say something about that, but we’re going to stay focussed on Gemma for the moment.

We’re all for women asserting their rights to be “social”, but if you’ve got a stiletto in the door at Club Cristiano, why on earth would you go to any other building?

Ciao Gemma, we barely knew ye. Don’t let the door hit your skanky ass on the way out.

Link: Love A Furze

Comments Off

welcome to the club: Gemma Atkinson


Oh we give up.

When we first heard rumours that Cristiano Ronaldo was dating Hollyoaks actress Gemma Atkinson we tittered cynically into our daiquiris and rolled our eyes. As if.

We haven’t watched Hollyoaks since, well, never. And she’s cute, but… not that cute, right? This is the C-dog we’re talking about.

But yet, once again, we’ve been shown that we don’t know squat about anything. We think we do, but we do not.

Cristiano and Gemma have been dating after they met at a party in Manchester. She’s “very happy” with how things have been going. “I don’t have a thing for footballers,“ she’s insisted. Hmmm. Didn’t she used to go out with Marcus Bent a la Charlton?

Sony BMG has just offered her a record contract. She’s had a well-publicised boob job. She does boxing training.


To finish, after she said that she understood why other women might be jealous of her relationship with Cristiano, Gemma added, “They do have great bodies though!“

Honey, you’re preaching to the choir in the church that we built.

Link: Gemma Atkinson Official Site

Link: Hollyoaks Babe – Ron’s My Gem

southgate v ronaldo

Comments Off

Middlesbrough manager Gareth Southgate is in some sort of girly hissy fit drama because he said Cristiano Ronaldo was a diver after winning a penalty in United’s 2-1 victory last Saturday.

On this we have several questions:

When did Gareth Southgate become a manager? Wasn’t he playing football like, 5 minutes ago?

Wasn’t he the guy who totally f’d up the penalty shoot out with Germany in Euro 96? Didn’t that lose England a place in the finals?

Should you really be allowed to comment on penalty kicks ever again, in the history of your life, or should you not just look into a nice cashier’s job at Boots?

And oh yeah, even though we know Cristiano’s history of “fair play”, we also are familiar with his face. And hot bot-tay. So, who’s side do you think we’re going to be on in this one?

Link: Southgate – Ronaldo’s A Cheat
Link: Ferguson Hits Back At “Naive” Southgate

Comments Off