'Cristiano' Category

the stalker files: cristiano ronaldo


Hot ass Cristiano Ronaldo has a stalker. We’re thinking it unusual this is only his first – surely a man with such thighs deserves at least 3 or 4 crazies. But no, just some random model-type from Holland who thinks that she’s the “love of his life”.

Don’t we all, luv.

So many broken promises, Cristiano… so many hearts.

Link: Ronaldo Talks Of His Stalker Hell

when dumbasses attack


It’s not easy being a random bloke in this world when such finery as Cristiano Ronaldo walk the earth amongst us lowly mortals.

For example, this idiotic jerkoff couldn’t handle it when his girlfriend said Cristiano was “gorgeous” and attacked her with a baseball bat. Quality guy, this.

He’s since been jailed for a year and a half, where we hope he enjoys many nights of affectionate cell-lovin from a tall, handsome Cristiano look-a-like, in for 10 years GBH.

Link: Ronaldo Bat Thug Is Jailed

ronaldo watch: the man bag


This photo of Mr. Ronaldo offers much fashion food for thought.

The man bag.

The lizard belt.

The jeans that seem just a little too tight, even for our liking.

The man bag.

Wait, we already said that.

Cristiano, honey, we know you’re a buff piece of Eurotrash, but you need to fix up.  We can help.  Call us.  We’re on the speed dial, under “F” for “fashion crimes against hotties”.

cristiano goes shopping


Cristiano Ronaldo = we like.
Louis Vuitton = we love.
Put them together and it’s a good day.

His sidekick in the background = we do not know, we do not care to speculate.

Sidekick has his own admirers, however: Cristiano Out For A Little Shopping

Link: Cristiano Ronaldo Likes His Jeans Tight

where is the love?


It’s right here, with Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney. So much for tabloid reports about these two after the World Cup sending off.

However, there certainly is no love in any shape or form between Mr. Rooney and the FA.

Rooney was sent off in a pre-season friendly against Porto and given a three game suspension. Infuriated by the ban, Rooney railed off a scathing letter through his agent threatening to withdraw any participation in England’s off the pitch commercial activities. This means the FA couldn’t use his image to publicize any of the upcoming games between Man U and Macedonia in October.

The FA has responded, but we can’t be bothered to find the quote. Basically, they told him to piss off and get back to sitting on the bench.