'Dressed At Gunpoint' Category

Robbie Savage: Gone Racing


Original images: Getty Images/Daylife.

If you’re a young woman with plans of nabbing yourself a filthy rich footballer, you could do a lot worse than hanging around the Cheltenham Racecourse during Gold Cup week.

A haven for the kind of guys who don’t feel as though they’ve partied unless they’ve blown several thousand pounds on a hot tip, Cheltenham Races is the destination for any blinged out boy or girl. Some may consider walking around without a bottle in one’s hand to be weird; for our purposes, it’s ideal.

We can confirm that our spies have been in the area, but so far the only person they found was Robbie Savage, who was looking harassed in the champagne tent as punters pressed him for autographs. Rumours that he set up a picnic table to encourage the interest are extremely mean.

We also hear Sav is a bit of a guru at the betting, winning three thousand pounds on one race alone. For this reason (and the fact that we are actually quite cruel women), we have photoshopped Robbie’s face onto famed horse racing pundit and loud person John McCririck. If you like what you see and have not eaten, please click here for further images of John.

Meanwhile, we’re keeping tabs on the player situ at the Gold Cup and will give updates as the tipsy tales emerge…

Mamadou Sakho: Studs Up


Mmm, purrrty and practical. Just like us. (Image via footy-boots.com)

Quite clearly, Alan Ball had absolutely no idea what he was unleashing onto the footballing world when he stepped out onto the pitch in a pair of white boots in 1970.

Back then, the world wasn’t ready for such outlandish gestures in footwear and forty one years later, despite the best efforts of David Beckham, Nicklas Bendtner (left) and Cristiano Ronaldo, we feel we are still not fully prepared for Paris Saint Germain centre-back Mamadou Sakho and his Swarovski crystal encrusted Nikes. 
(Image via Zimbio)

We’re just not.

Don’t get us wrong. The idea of showing our love for our favourite things by gluing five thousand crystals to them is very appealing (our pets are less keen, for the record) but we fear this may be taking conspicuous consumption to a new and very alarming level.

Fortunately, these particular items are a one off, commissioned by Monsieur Sakho to celebrate his selection into the French NT. Less fortunately, Cristiano will have seen these and is probably planning some sort of Gucci-inspired, diamond studded, leatherette rebuff as we speak.


Style-Off: Emmanuel Adebayor v Milos Krasic


Dear readers: whilst we know that you usually visit our humble site for the hottest manflesh that football can offer, we feel it inappropriate to allow you to labour under the misapprehension that all players are as skillful at dressing themselves as they are at kicking a ball.

Because they’re clearly not.

We take our responsibility to you very seriously, you see.