Alan Connell celebrates his goal in Swindon Town’s 2-1 win over Wigan Athletic with a gentle smooch of team mate Paul Caddis. How nice. Image: Scott Heavey/Getty Images Europe.
If you haven’t been paying much attention to our editorial guidelines, we tend to wade in the lower league pools of English football pretty during cup competitions only. Previously it was our belief that nobody ever took photos of lower league-rs kissing each other’s faces, extending their thighs and the likes, but judging from the amount of images we found without even really trying, this theory clearly has some holes in it.
So because it seems we’re naturally more enthralled by the glamour, tans and irresponsible expenditures of the elite players, our plan today is to typecast a plethora of entities from these oft-forgotten tiers and eye-undress them according to the demands of their newly-acquired profiles.
Confused? We are too. But if you let your minds wander with us this way, you’ll soon see what we mean.
Ashley Cole and his glamorous assistant Carlton make a few notes prior to kick-off. Images via EnglandFootballersFoundation.com.
Ashley Cole, Jermain Defoe, Carlton Cole, Dion Dublin and Ian Walker were among players who appeared at the London Soccer Dome last night in support of the England Footballers Foundation’s inaugral ‘EFF Charity Cup’.
The event was a fundraiser for the EFF’s charity partners, which include Help For Heroes and Cancer Research UK. The players helped to manage the teams in the tourney, with players like Ashley Cole and Jermain Defoe expressing their gratitude for all the support and charitable contributions the event generated:
“It’s great to see so many come down to support our event. The legends are getting behind their teams and joining in the fun. It’s been great seeing Dion Dublin and Viv Anderson getting involved.” — Ashley Cole
“The squad are supporting H4H and Cancer Research UK, we would like to thank everyone involved for helping to raise more money and awareness for these causes.” — Jermain Defoe
Just so you guys don’t think we’re trying to pull the wool over your eyes, the EFF in particular is a cause one of our staffers is proud to have worked on as a lowly intern years ago. She encourages all Kickettes to read up on the foundation’s events and charities here.
You might not think there are many downsides to working for Kickette, but there are. The actual writing, for one thing. Having to maintain constant vigilance over your secret emergency chocolate bar, for another.
That all pales in comparison to one staffer’s recent assignment, though. You see, when a new British ‘dramality’ show begins, one of us must watch it in case it’s remotely relevant to our lives. This time, our TV correspondent was left scared, helpless and with frizzy hair upon completing episode 1 of ‘Desperate Scousewives‘.
Brace yourselves, Kickettes. It only gets worse from there.
“Say hello to my little friend“. Ash seeks inspiration from the greats for his new role. Image Credit: Getty Images.
Ashley Cole has apparently signed on to play himself in a new movie about a dodgy sports agent. Ash, who has managed to stay relatively clear of the spotlight lately by limiting his exposure to the laydeez, mobile telephones and small arms, will feature in ‘Played’ alongside Sam Allardyce, Joe Cole and Brit actor Danny Dyer.
Rumour also has it that several Hollyoaks stars have already begun to audition for ‘wannabe WAG’ roles.
We would like to tell you more, but unfortunately our will to live has inexplicably vanished and we must now go and seek comfort in the biscuit tin. Soz.
This photo of England NT manager, Fabio Capello, in his prime has reinvigorated our playful sides.
That’s right, it’s MTC time!
First, please read the rules. Then review your options: