'England' Category

Wish List: The Van der Vaarts In The EPL

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Our girl crush on Sylvie van der Vaart is well documented here at Kickette.

(And her current Real Madrid midfielder and hot husband Rafael is just an added bonus.)

Of course, with the recent purchase of Mesut Ozil, Real Madrid now have more midfielders than Fabio Cannavaro has restraining orders against us. Will Rafa soon be off to greener pastures?

Rumour has it that he’s headed to a Premier League team and as much as we try to stay away from such chit chat, we are all aflutter.

Sylvie as a Premier League WAG? That = all of our dreams come true. (Quite a feat, considering this.)

Why?

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Gone Glamping: England National Team

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You’ve heard about the whole ‘glamping‘ phenomenon, surely? Well what those luxury camping guides neglect to mention is why there is a need for canopies.

By now, if you don’t know the ins-and-outs of tent pitching, see Frank Lampard. It’s more than obvious that he’s a one-man show and a perfect pal to have whilst roughin’ it out in the woods.

Still, Steven Gerrard is onto something. For instance, when you’ve awoken from last night’s martini stupor and realize your SPF is expired, your sunnies have melted in the S’mores fire and all you need is Advil and some shaded area to rest beneath, Gerrard’s canopy could prove to be your saving grace.

Or, if your disdain for outdoor holidays is as strong as ours, a canopy could double as a party protector at your backyard party in the Hamptons/Cotswolds.

Player Punishment: Let Us Handle This

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News breaks of Didier’s punishment. He seems concerned, Kickettes. Images: Getty Images, Reuters via Daylife

Far be it from us to make light of an awful situation, but last week’s news that North Korea’s NT coach and players have been punished for the team’s poor performance at the World Cup got us thinking.

While these part-timers put their hearts and souls into every game, even scoring a cheeky goal against Brazil, we want to address several of the footy world’s greatest, many of which didn’t live up to their expensive reps during this year’s tournament.

Therefore, we have invented a series of cruel and unusual punishments, devilishly designed to hit a randomly selected player exactly where it hurts the most.

Think you can just show up and pass the time lads? We’ll teach you a lesson you’ll never forget…

Didier Drogba

OK, first up we’ll admit that the Drog’s injury prior to the tournament *may* have impeded his ability to set the WC on fire. But if we were fair and reasonable, this post would not make any sense at all.

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Rio Ferdinand: King of The Twitterverse

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Fresh off of his jaunt to the South of France, Rio was in London last week to reveal the Elite Spartan Squad for the launch of Halo: Reach on Xbox 360. No, we don’t know what those words mean either, but if Halo is good enough for Becks and Rio then it’s good enough for us.

When Rio Ferdinand joined Twitter (after having to withdraw from the World Cup due to injury) there was a collective squeal at Kickette HQ.

Of course we were devastated that our already issued-up England team was without our favorite #5 in South Africa, but we knew relief would come: an unrestricted Rio would bring some LOLz. After all, he is responsible for this gem of epically wondrous entertainment.

So yes, we have smiled at some of RF’s tweets, but we have also been schooled. And so, Kickettes, do join us for The Top Five Things We Have Learned About Rio Ferdinand From Twitter:

1) He appreciates a clean public loo:

You may be surprised to find out that Rio takes the train to travel round old Blighty just like the masses. Also not unlike the masses, Rio takes issue with dirty public toilets and likes to make note when he’s found a clean one. We’ll leave this one short, as to comment on anything else bathroom related would be unladylike. And, we are nothing if not ladylike.

*crickets* READ MORE

Rio Ferdinand: Keeping It Casual In London

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Want your man to get the Rio Ferdy look? Tell your boy to pick up the following items (and, possibly to do about 40,000 sit-ups if he’s really trying to keep it authentic.)

1. White kicks from Vans; 2. Shirt by Neil Barrett and 3. Paparazzi-flash blocking shades courtesy of Veronique Branquinho.