'England' Category

World Cup Arrivals: England Squad Lands In Rustenburg


Fabio Capello has named his 23-man roster of English footballers, who duly arrived in South Africa on a pimped-out jet plane this morning. While a handful of hopefuls like Sunderland’s Darren Bent and Man City’s Adam Johnson were left disappointed after Tuesday’s press conference, Arsenal’s Theo Walcott was perhaps the most surprising name not on Capello’s 2010 World Cup list.

While this will be a massive blow to Walcott, spare a thought for his longtime gal-pal, Melanie Slade, who in spite of her status denials is bound to be terribly traumatised by the news.

Not only will she now have to deal with mood swings and plaintive ‘what ifs’ from her sullen boy for the next few months, the safari outfits, buckets of bronzer and tenderly nurtured hopes that Theo would be the hero of the tourney (thus catapulting them to new heights of stardom and shoe availability) will all have to be returned to the store. We kid, we kid. Ish.

Stay strong, Mel – at least you nearly got there. The closest we’re going to get to the England WC training camp is drooling over these photos of Jamo and the boys in their suits.

Your thoughts on Mr. Capello’s choices, Kickettes?

World Cup Merch We Love: Scoregasm


ScoregasmWe’re all over the World Cup-related goodies that have been coming our way in the countdown to kick-off (t-minus 14 days, for those counting).

Not sure we can ever top products like Sylvie van der Vaart in her Dutchy dress, but this is the closest we’ll probably get.

Without sounding like a late-night infomercial, have you and your mate ever fantasized about England-themed sexytimes? If so, you’re in luck because the folks at LoveHoney have created the Scoregasm England Remote Control Love Egg, which promises to make you “feel like you’ve won the Cup”. (Frank Lampard not included.)

That’s right: using a vibrator is now considered an acceptable way to be supportive of the England squad.

Using the same life-changing social science that we at Kickette like to pride ourselves on, LoveHoney have also conducted their own version of “Snog, Marry and Avoid”, (just like our own Kickette Army did last year). The LH results? Joe Cole came up top in the snogging stakes, Stevie G. was voted best marriage material, and a huge 73% of ladies wouldn’t touch Ashley Cole with a long, sharp pointy thing.

We’re not entirely comfortable inquiring about our readers’ purchase intents, but we’re always down for a rousing game of National Team Snog, Marry and Avoid. Which three NT members (of any country) make your list?

Via: ONTDFootball.