Danny Cipriani. Wasted in a rugby jersey. Images: Getty Images via Daylife
Right. Enough lounging around looking at naked pictures of footballers and constructing elaborate fantasies involving meeting, ‘greeting’ and shopping for designer shoes. There’s enough of that going on in the Kickette office, for goodness sake. We have work to do, soldier girls.
The man you see in the picture above is Danny Cipriani. He currently plays rugby union but the word is he is disillusioned with his current ball game and may be considering a move into football.
Below, we’ve listed a few of the reasons we think Danny should switch codes. We figure if we make the move attractive enough, he may be tempted to come over to the dark side, thus allowing us to lech over him on a weekly basis.
Please forward your suggestions and join our campaign, Kickettes. Your support in this matter could be crucial.
1. Danny, you are way too pretty to be involved in a game where your face is going to be repeatedly punched. In our game, if anyone even looks at you in the wrong way you are entitled to roll around on the ground screaming until help arrives. You owe it to your face (and the viewing public) to make this change.
Image via daylife/Getty Images.
Like many, we were first alerted to this Antipodean, Maori-descended hottie when he flashed his pectorals during the World Cup.
And so, we couldn’t be happier to find out that Winston is bringing both his bare-chested delights and glorious thighs from Danish League side FC Midtjylland to the Premier League to show off his talents over at West Ham.
Let us all welcome Mr. Reid with open arms, Kickettes. We are considering asking him to be our ‘baller representative for our upcoming FIFA presentation - this is a man willing to flout the rules of the game and completely expose his abs during a goal celebration. We’re on the same team here, folks.
Winston is only the 6th New Zealander to ever play in the Premier League, and we wish him lots of luck, lots of goals, and plenty of shirtless celebrations.
Leeds ‘keeper Kasper Schmeichel illustrates why would should all be carefully watching the English Championship this season. Images: Getty Images via Daylife
So while we’re sure you’ve found our stories about haircuts, pre-season training and Twitter feeds both innovative and fascinating, we know you’ll be relieved to hear there’s finally some footie to report on. It’s been a while. Let’s hope we haven’t lost our groove.
Many happy returns are in order to Arsenal’s Robin Van Persie who turns twenty-seven today. Let’s hope he celebrates relaxing with his wonderfully cute family and the alcoholic beverage/chocolate-coated items of his choice.
While we were thinking about what the most suitable gift would be for our fave Dutch hottie, we realised that RVP already has the best present of all: he gets to continue his bromance with the adorkable Cesc Fabregas.
Well, wait. That’s not entirely true. There is one gift we could give that would be better than that, but pesky restraining orders have thwarted our efforts. Never mind. It’s still a truly happy Friday for Gunners fans: Cesc has announced that he is keeping his perky bottom in London for the time being.
So, let’s raise a glass to Robin and his 27 years on the planet, more Emirates based love-ins and one more year of Cesc in the English capital. Hurrah!
Good grief! Is he wearing a bib?! Images: Getty Images, Reuters via Daylife
So we’re thinking of moving to ‘Cougar Town’. There’s nothing else for it. When the pups turn up and you start confusing lustful leanings with ovary explosions, it simply gets too weird.
This, ladies (and some gents), is Javier Hernandez. You will recognise him from Mexico’s World Cup squad and if you’ve been paying serious attention, as the latest signing for Manchester United. His nickname is Chicharito (means ‘Little Pea’, amusingly), he is twenty two years old and scored on his debut for United against MLS All-Stars on their US tour.
Sure, twenty-two is perfectly legal and acceptable. But Javier looks nowhere near his age. He looks like an embryo crossed with a fetus with a side of Justin Bieber. That’s what messes with our heads, dear readers.
Is it his deep brown eyes we find so utterly compelling? Perhaps. His taut thighs? Probably. His uncanny ability to make notoriously fierce uber manager Alex Ferguson look like a friendly Grampy (left)? Undoubtedly.
There is one thing we know for certain, though. If we carry on like this, a career in crap romantic fiction beckons.
Tell us what you think of Chicharito, Kickettes; we’re off to have a lie down.