It’s been a mad shirtless and short tent weekend, ladies, and nowhere more so than in Portsmouth. Avram Grant’s side topped off a totally ridiculous season (unpaid wages, insolvency, this) by getting relegated from the EPL and then going to Wembley and qualifying for the FA Cup final. Goal scorer Kevin-Prince Boeteng (above) was pleased, and we were equally satisfied as Frank Lampard stripped off following Chelsea’s win over Aston Villa. For their efforts, we’re renaming the FA Cup final the ‘Chest Championship’. Join our campaign, won’t you?
'English Premier League' Category
As you’ve heard us bitch and brag about before, our inboxes get flooded each morning from loyal readers and gossip tipsters. Depending on which side of the bed we woke on, some make us grizzly while others make us giddy with glee.
Since we don’t want to name names *cough cough* MB *cough cough*, we’ll just provide you with the choice quote (to go with the above Fernando Torres shot) which reminded us why we do this job each day. Modeling Liverpool’s latest kit, one reader and ‘Nando-appreciator had this to say:
Look at those cheekbones! Is he having to work weekends at the Birdcage to cover Rafa’s budget deficit?
If that wasn’t enough, another reader directed us to these shots of Fernando as father figure. So basically, all your cheekbone and reproductive fantasies have been covered in one fell swoop. Don’t thank us, thank them.
Source: Nordoff-Robbins Organization
Remember your primary school years? Where you would draw your family living in a one room shack, without shoes or clothes to claim? Seeing these EPL players’ smiley face and side profile drawings reminds us of how proud we once were to run home and brag about our future as the next Picasso/a.
Created for the Art of Football Book, these self portraits will be auctioned off at next Monday’s ‘Football Extravagana’ Event. Now in it’s 15th year, all proceeds from the FE event will benefit Nordoff-Robbins and provide vital funds for music therapy. If only Cesc included a flute in his drawing our lives would’ve been complete.
But the night’s festivities don’t stop at spikey stick hair. Eric Cantona will also attend the annual FE dinner to receive the prestigious ‘Legend of Football Award’. Other big names expected to be in attendance include Sir Alex Ferguson, Kenny Dalglish, Denis Law, Teddy Sheringham and Alan Shearer.
Besides the images seen here, we also snagged a sneak peak at two additional sketches.
Photo via Getty Images Europe
- Who believes Jose was rudely awakened before he finished his nap?
- Speaking of grizzlies,The Spoiler is (quite admirably) campaigning to bring back the horrifying facial stuff. – now. Do we agree with this movement towards the hirsute or should it be washed down the plug hole like the scratchy old wisps that spawned it?
- Vital issues such as how to contain Leo Messi rage on, including his position in the ranks of world players evah and ownership (or not) of Kaka are all covered here & here. Funnily enough though, no one has suggested turning him into a piñata. Which might just work for us if Tootsie Rolls are involved.
- Jozy Altidore has quite a nice backstep. The U.S. NT member & Hull City star denied that he made comments slating England prior to the teams meeting in the group stages of the World Cup.
- Technology news now: Rafa’a new iPad is causing problems at Liverpool FC. We’re also on tenterhooks for the launch, but realistically the only thing the iPad will offer us is something extra to leave in a bar/club/train/dumpster.
- Meanwhile, more bad news for Liverpool fans.
- And Cescy. Come round & see us, baby. We’ll take your mind off it…
With promotion to the EPL confirmed this weekend for Newcastle United, we are thrilled to welcome the return to our radar of this man. Yes, it’s Alan ‘Smudger’ Smith, a man whose er… charms are abundant for all to see.
However, upon closer examination, we have noted that Alan has hidden talents too – namely the ability to make even the most horrifying grooming/fashion debacles look not only ok, but darn sexy.
Please, stroll with us and observe the evidence.
The Name ‘Alan’
The only other person foremost in our minds called Alan is comedy character Alan Partridge. And he’s a plonker. Not lovely, like this Alan.