Fernando Torres, the man that put the “phroar” in freckles, turned 26 this weekend. In honour of the sexy Spaniard’s big day, let’s all take a moment to reflect on what colour highlights we prefer with our Nando. We call these, “sunshine dreams”. Happy birthday, Fern, and here’s wishing you a fantabulous year full of good hair days and epic bitchfaces. Nub nu!
'English Premier League' Category
We’ve been revelling in the glory of Didier Drogba and his muscle groups all day. ‘Nando Torres proved that less can be more, and when we found this video of Cesc Fabregas it felt like Christmas, birthdays and London Fashion Week all rolled into one.
Let’s check in on the pitch ‘n bitch action from this weekend:
Why do we do what we do here at Kickette? Why do we hide in broom closets during lunch breaks, tapping away on our Blackberries to bring you the latest short tent before our bosses catch us? Why do we spend our last few quid on buying photos of footballers carrying manbags and murses and other leather goods instead of using it to buy a low-carb ready meal?
This is why:
However. We suspect that our true response would be rather more like that of our friends at Hola Valencia. They’re just honest enough to admit it. Dammit.
Speaking of getting close to players, we have to say we rather like the new scheme Kansas Wizards have implemented to ensure their players and staff get to know each other intimately.
In the hope it catches on, we have submitted our applications and hope to be hearing from the Real Madrid ground staff department in due course.
Prior to Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge clash with Inter this evening, Jose Mourinho has maintained a characteristic silence. Yeah, right. The man is a master at the veiled insult. We’re so in his thrall.
Slightly less subtle in his methods is Valladolid’s Cesar Arzo. We know Guti is capable of some quite spectacular fashion offences, but this is hardly warranted, now is it?
Sartorial choices weren’t high on the agenda at Theo Walcott’s birthday party either, although we are not aware of any similar grabbings. We won’t critique, it’s just too easy. Suffice to say, if you’re going to wear those trousers, Gareth Bale, please ensure you’re standing at a safe distance when Theo blows out his candles.
However. Things used to be worse. A great deal worse. We advise that you do not, under any circumstances, click on the Gazza clip. Just don’t.
Bad week for Phil Brown, formerly of Hull City. We get the impression that the guys at WAATP are not saddened by this development. You?
And really, really bad week for us. We’ve just got over the whole Iker/Carbonero are they/aren’t they thing and now this happens. Emotional outlook: overwrought.
And finally, props to Ciacha.net who have very kindly supplied some pictures of Gonzalo Higuain in various states of undress (just to cheer us up). Please enjoy and remember: We are Kickette and we do it. So you don’t have to.
What is it about guys serenading their sweetheart with guitar strings? In Tomas Rosicky’s case, it’s truly amazing what this instrument can do for a man.
Actually, who are we kidding? He looks like the poor man’s version of Keith Urban’s half-brother’s step-child.
On the flip side, we wouldn’t turn Mario Gomez away if he tried to sing us sweet nothings while we slept. If Tomas is the surrogate sibling no one ever knew existed, then Mario is the rich man’s version of … well, a rich man playing a guitar. And we bet he plays a kick-ass version of Joan Jhett’s “I love Rock and Roll”.