'English Premier League' Category

The Tuesday Torso: Micah Richards, Manchester City

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Just don’t look at his belly button and you’ll be all good.

Product Shill: Frank Lampard for Walkers

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Sure, it’s a tad random to see Frank Lampard in a red kit, but once you find out it’s a promo for Walkers it all makes sense. Lampsy and cheese & onion crisps? Is there anything better? Top nums.

Here’s another clip of Gary Lineker and Frank Lampard in the town of Sandwich.

Mini-Break: Wayne Bridge and Shaun Wright-Phillips in Miami

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Considering the reputations Manchester City’s Wayne Bridge and Shaun Wright-Phillips have, we’re quite sure simply they’re checking the weather report for Miami Beach and not planning a hardcore night of fun, frolicks and skankaliciousness.

Here’s a tip, lads: Denim has no place in the heat. Get to strippin’. (See the dudes behind you for inspiration.)

Clever Clogs: Brainy ‘Ballers Amongst Us

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Colour us impressed: Burnley captain Clarke Carlisle popped up on Countdown last week. And he won. Twice.

Actually, we shouldn’t have been surprised; Carlisle already holds the title for Britain’s Brainiest Footballer and he described appearing on Countdown as a life long ambition.

(Is this guy really a footballer? Can someone check his ID, please?)

It does make us wonder whether there more ‘ballers out there secretly dosing up on omega-3s and cozying up to their Oxford English Dictionary for some bedtime reading.

For those not in the know, Frank Lampard’s IQ is Mensa worthy, Aston Villa hottie Nigel Reo Coker has eleven GSCE’s, former Wigan star Arjan de Zeeuw has a degree in Medicine and Cesc Fabregas was having extra tuition in science and maths when he first moved to England.

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Fernando Torres: Ability to Bitchface Remains Intact

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Fernando Torres with...staples.

Fernando gets knocked the f out. Image via Getty

You may cut him.

He may bleed.

But you will never stop Fernando Torres’s ability to give good bitchface.

FYI, freckles are all accounted for.