'English Premier League' Category

Road Trip: Jessica Lawlor Gets Some Driving Tips From Stephen Ireland

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As is evident in the above clip, Jess is about as bad of a driver as Stephen is a liar.

We can’t fault her for it, though. Ever since the iPhone 5 did away with Google Maps, we’ve lost all sense of direction too.

The Tuesday Tongue: Jack Wilshere, Arsenal FC

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Image: Paul Thomas/Getty Images Europe.

Official statistics for Jack Wilshere’s first appearance in an Arsenal shirt since June 2011:

  • Goals: 0
  • Yellow Cards: 0
  • Red Cards: 0
  • Tongue Pokes: 63

We’re chalking this up as a win, Kickettes.

Weekend Results: A Rampant Case Of The Panzerknackers

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kickette match recap

Die ‘Panzerknacker’ von Schalke 04“.  Yup. What they said. Image: Dapd via Derwesten.de.

According to our team of linguistics experts (AKA wikipedia), ‘Panzerknacker’ means ‘armour breaker’.

We’ll warn you now, one of our staffers is so in love with that word, she’s going to keep using it as a euphemism until we either fire her, or smother her with samples from the fashion cupboard.

Maybe both.

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Good Week/Bad Week: Mouthing, Marriages & Fading Memories

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Neymar looks quite comfortable miming to that, doesn’t he? Do you think if we all collectively pray to the gods of great music, we can prevent him from embarking on a singing career?

Aw, crap.

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The Thursday Thigh: Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Arsenal

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Image: Julian Finney/Getty Images Europe.

It’s not quite up there with Gonzalo Higuain’s earlier effort but still. Give the dude credit for trying.