Sailing cheerily over the waves of misery the rest of the press are drowning in, we only pretend to understand stuff like dodgy defensive play and wasted possession. Why should we bother to rehash the mechanics of a straightforward draw when we can wonder aloud whether Sami Nasri’s “ssshhh” gesture was aimed at us because we laughed at his pants?
A gallery featuring our POV of France’s 1-1 draw with En-ger-land is being prepared as we write, but don’t cut off oxygen to your brains anytime soon. The gallery software we’re grappling with still hates us y’see, and the feeling is rapidly becoming mututal.
No one loves liquid lunches, dinners and midnight snacks more than us, Kickettes. But three straight days of ‘em finally did us in during last night’s Ukraine vs Sweden game, which means that sadly, we don’t have a recap or gallery stuffed with hi-res Ibra hair photos for you to gloss through.
Take Sheva’s torso and inner thighs as a doubly pleasurable consolation prize and don’t write our Mums telling them what a crap job they did raising us, please?
We watched all 90 minutes of this game and all we got out of it was a nasty case of indigestion. That’ll teach us to never self-diagnose our ailments on WebMD again.
Note to selves: f-o-c-u-s.
In a highly anticipated tie between Molto Bello Hot and Muy Caliente Hot, the most startling aspect of Italy vs Spain was Andres Iniesta’s not so subtle and completely out of the blue man-doration for Daniele De Rossi. Seriously, whenever he was given repose from running, the Spanish star couldn’t keep his paws to himself.
So without further facetious ado’ing, let’s cut to the difficult stuff. Guys and gals, what’s your final verdict on Sergio Ramos’ shorter hair?
Image: @Emenderk. H/T @emcardenas.
[Ed Note: Our gallery remains "under construction" until our worker bees finish combing through the +1000 pics from our photo agencies. Sit tight if you can, gang - there's definitely more to come.]
Month-long summer footy tournaments are like the hot boyfriend that arrives on a motorcycle, but only brings one helmet. Sexy, but heartbreaking. Wait, let’s clarify as that situation isn’t entirely heartbreaking. True heartache would be if he showed up wearing leather trousers.
Let’s stay on topic.
Saturday’s second game between Germany and Portugal saw some uncharacteristic attempts on goal, WAGs out supporting their men and, as always, reminded us how topsy, turvy and tiresome the Euros can be.
In case you were held in the Vogue beauty closet against your will over the weekend (lucky cow), here’s a simple sum up.
Image: REUTERS/Charles Platiau.
We have a renewed sense of faith and confidence in England’s squad going into today’s Group D match and it has everything to do with this French trio’s use of Pampers diapers as vests.