'FAIL Files' Category

Blind Item: Cash Complexes

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apologised twitter pic lost a betWest Brom’s Liam Ridgewell has apologised for wiping his bum with a £20 note, an indecent act which was Twitpic’ed and posted to his Twitter account before Liam had to delete it and cough up a mea culpa. We recovered the photo, thankfully, via the Law of Google (if you have a past, it will re-surface, and it will sound and/or look bad).

But now we hear there’s been another player toying around with his moola. Supposedly, a ‘top keeper’ was recently seen winding up his fellow pub patrons in his hometown local after lighting his cigar with a tenner.

Tsk, tsk, you two.

Any guess on who it could be, Kickettes?

Lies Footballers Think It’s Perfectly Acceptable To Tell Files: Michael Ballack

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retired footballer can't pay speeding car ticket spain

Though it sounds like absolute bollocks to us, the retired footballer’s lawyer is arguing Mikey can’t pay his recent speeding ticket because he (paraphrasing here) has no income and just finished his football career.

“Just because he is a famous footballer doesn’t mean he has any money coming in,” said Ballack’s attorney in defense of his apparent inability to pay a fine of £8,000.

Newsflash: irrefutable evidence suggests that it takes only takes a footballer one thing to capture a woman’s attention and that is money. So while Mr Ballack’s excuse is inexplicably pitiful, we can only wish him the best of luck the next time he goes on the pull.

Because inevitably he’ll try, and will deffo fail miserably.

FAIL Files: Oktoberfest 2012

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oktoberfest bayern munich lederhosen

Here’s an 1860 Munich player with a small dog. Yes, that’s really all we found – even after putting a call-to-action out to the Army.

Few events on the annual social calendar arouse us like Oktoberfest does. Ladies Day at Aintree, the end of season bubba parade(s) and so forth. So considering this, you can probably imagine the anguish we felt upon searching our photo agencies’ inventory and only finding hundreds of Mr & Mrs Franck Ribery pics.

This is not okay, Bayern Munich ‘ballers. Looking especially hard at you, Mario Gomez.

Obvi we’ll try and keep have an eye on this space but are doubtful any pictorial miracles will come of it. What a shameful waste of Guinness and lederhosen if you ask us.

Courtney Meppen-Walter: Driving School Success Story?

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Image: Rochdale Driving School. H/T Popbitch.

On Rochdale Driving School’s website, a few of its brightest students – along with their achievements – are showcased as a testament to its “great value driving lessons”. If you scroll to the fifth satisfied customer down, you might even recognise Manchester City’s Courtney Meppen-Walter standing in front one of the Vauxhall Corsas the school has in its fleet. He, like others, is commended for passing his driving test on his first try.

Mr Meppen-Walter was arrested by police on Saturday night for suspicion of causing death via dangerous driving.

For the sake of the loved ones who tragically passed, Rochdale may want to reconsider striking Courtney from their “top quality tuition for just £15 per hour” hall of fame. Just a thought.

André-Pierre Gignac: Like, Whoa

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Was Mr Gignac resorting to new opponent-eating lows during the Ligue 1 offseason that we’ve only realised now? Did he take a bite out of Yoann Gourcuff – who surely tastes like a delicious cheesecake type dessert – when no one was looking? Kickettes, what in the hell has happened to the Marseille man since we last saw him six months ago? Image: GERARD JULIEN/AFP/GettyImages.