'FAIL Files' Category

England NT: Training Report

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Gareth? We feel your pain. Image: Getty Images/Daylife

Far be it from us to throw stones at ‘in-play’ fashion faux pas’ (anyone who’s caught a glimpse of us on a staff night out would confirm we aren’t exactly ‘catwalk ready’ as frequently as we might have you believe) but it would be inappropriate of us not to comment on some of the decisions on display in the England training session yesterday.

The world is waiting for our musings, y’know.

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Kickette Fail Files: Joleon Lescott, Manchester City FC

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Lock up your daughters, this man is a menace to society! Image: Getty Images/Daylife.

It is with heavy (collective) heart that we bring you news of yet another sickening scandal involving an EPL player and England International**. In recent years we have been inundated with tales of players sordid exploits but this one has rendered us utterly speechless. Proceed with caution, Kickettes.

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Kickette Fail File: Gennaro Gattuso, AC Milan

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Well it was there a minute ago, for goodness sake! (Image: AP Photo/Daylife)

We would like to advertise this edition of the Kickette Fail Files as a stern warning about the dangers of not controlling one’s anger effectively. You see, while attempting to strangle fellow professionals during the course of a work day often feels like the right thing to do, we should all remember that the world has a nasty habit of redressing the karmic balance at the most inopportune moments.

Over to you, Rino.

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Djibril Cisse: Dude Looks Like A Lady

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Images: AthensBars.gr; Ekathimerini.com; PacificCoastNews.com. Thx for the tip, Melissa!

As memorable moments in fashion go, discovering a photograph of Djibril Cisse arriving for an awards ceremony dressed in a skirt is up there.

But discovering a photo of Elen Rives rocking a nearly identical garment just days apart?

We saw only one solve for this scenario, Kickettes, and it involved throwing open the doors to the Mayhem & Fruit Beverages Suite, a day’s supply of Hi-C Ecto Cooler Juice and Yum Yums, plus the dynamic duo of KSquared.

Unfortunately, by the time the rest of the staff discovered how they smuggled a litre of vodka into the suite and were using the Hi-C juice as a mixer, it was too late. Here are their observations, or at least the ones we could read.

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Kickette Fail Files: Roberto Rosales, FC Twente

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It’s devastating to see a young man throwing his career away, just to catch our eyes. It really is. (Getty Images/Daylife)

A cautionary tale in today’s Fail File, people, as we examine the story of a young man whose career hangs in the balance as he battles an all pervading addiction to appearing on these pages.

Be warned, Kickettes. It’s your insatiable desire for manflesh that leads young players down this path. You are culpable in their demise.

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