As we look back on 2007 with fond champagne-soaked memories of sneaking into player’s lounges with hidden cameras inside our push-up bras, stalking the Beckhams over several continents and shopping until our stilettos turned to dust, we are 1. in need of a detoxifying vacay, and 2. ready to address our favourite fashion road kill moments of the year.
With so many to choose from, this was not an easy task, but it’s important to give back to the ladies who inspire us daily to do better, shop better, be better… consumers.
Below, our top five WAG fashion disasters of the year.
5. Call us old-fashioned, but we prefer that people remember the bottom halves of their outfits when leaving the house. For this reason alone, Victoria Beckham’s choice of attire for the Glamour awards is on the list.
Throw in fingerless motorcycle gloves and a teensy weensy pointless white tux shrug and we’re done.
Do not fall for the high fashion argument, Kickettes. Take a moment to imagine heading out the door to the red carpet wearing only a corset and a pair of ‘taupe’ tights.
Feel the breeze rattling around your nethers whilst walking to the stage to collect your award. Feel the anguish of your ancestors turning in their graves in shame.
And sometimes the pressure of being so bloody wealthy and having so many parties to attend and designer shoes to choose from can make you go a little doolally.
The first sign of crazy always is the hair.
Within 24 hours of debuting the bouffant- that- looks- like- crazy- on- a- dark- night, Coleen had intelligently washed, rinsed, repeated and blow dried back to standard.
3. It took us by surprise, it did. Toni Poole’s wedding dress was unlike nothing we had ever seen, nor imagined for the lovely now-Mrs. Terry.
But obviously, when one has suffered for their cash prize to the extent that Toni has, the choice to make a declaration of such decorative outrageousness has to be respected.
The dress inspired one of our favourite reader comments: “TONI. OMG. WHY are you wearing something that looks like it belongs in a woman’s uterus?“
After spending three times the national debt on your dress, is that the lingering memory you would want your wedding guests to have? Perhaps.
2. Heading off to St. Tropez for a mini-break from your terribly taxing non-job?
Take your cue from Alex Curran-Gerrard and make sure you pack the following staple items:
St. Tropez fake bake to top up the real tan, lip gloss, your nail extension specialist and your chartreuse elasticated waist leisure suit for making many grannies by the pool seethe with jealousy.
Oh, how we wish that underneath those semi-flared trouser legs, Alex was sporting a lovely pair of flesh-coloured court shoes rather than sandals. Would have set this off to perfection.
1. Of course, there can only be one winner – and indeed, there can only be one WAG at the top of the heap of designer cast-offs and outfits no other sane human with functioning eyes would wear:
Elen Rives, without you, there would be no joy in this world. Without you, there would be no way for us to know, without question, that wearing ruffled kneesocks is never an option we can pursue and still love ourselves in the morning.
Agree? Disagree? Blinded by Alex’s jumpsuit? Fill us in.